A revelation in the shower

[Marcie]

Today I was taking one of my 30 minute "think about every single thing ever" showers. At one point I started thinking about Facebook and how there are sooo many quizzes, and how I used to take one about every day lol. Then I started thinking about how on nearly every single one of those quizzes there was a question about what you are afraid of. I would always leave that question blank because I couldn't really think of anything I am afraid of..
In the shower today I finely figure it out, I think I know what I'm afraid of...

I'm afraid of myself. Might sound a little odd, and slightly crazy, but I think it's true. recently I've noticed that every time I pick up a knife, no matter what I'm going to use it for, I start shaking pretty badly, and I think that's because I'm afraid I'm going to do something unwise with it. I'm afraid of my emotions, I try to lock them away and never deal with any of them, not, anger, depression, grief, joy, Love. I'm afraid of feeling.. I'm afraid that one day I'm going to take Self injury too far and do more damage than can be repaired.
this probably doesn't really make much sense to those who aren't inside my head.. ('cause nothing in there makes much to any one but me) I do have more reasons than what I've written here I just don't really know how to convey them with words..

[Magus]

Why do you even hurt your self? Has it become a fetish to hurt your self?

Hurting self for self, to me is a sin.

Hurting self for the sake of other is a good deed.

Not knife, but I did bang my head hard on the walls. May be that why I am having these strange blah.............blah..........blah........., delusional stuff.

[BeautifulDisaster]

^^ er, ignorance much?


I've been hurting myself since I was 7, am I gonna go to Hell now?
-.-

[Magus]

I've been hurting myself since I was 7, am I gonna go to Hell now?
-.-

?

Metaphor (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metaphor)

And you will continue to hurt yourself in the hereafter and Heaven bounds physical torment and punishment, only hell can fill the desire and hunger of pain.

[2D]

I used to fear me. Not any more though. I embraced every part of me and can basically control myself quite well. Anger is still the hardest though, not the impulse to hurt myself.

[Marcie]

^^ er, ignorance much?


I've been hurting myself since I was 7, am I gonna go to Hell now?
-.-

I would say no you're not. though I do think that technically it would be considered a sin, but that doesn't mean you're condemned to hell. (excuse my cliché)
I don't want to sound preachy or anything, but you can always be forgiven for anything you do, no matter what it is or hoe 'bad' it seems, you can and will always be forgiven. All you have to do is ask. Though that doesn't mean you can just keep on doing it and every time ask for forgiveness again. You've got to actually try to not repeat the same offense again. Though when you fail and repeat it (because who know that everyone is going to at some point or another 'cuase we're all human and not perfect) he'll (as in God) will still forgive you. His grace/forgiveness is limitless. (again sorry for the cliché lol)


And you will continue to hurt yourself in the hereafter and Heaven bounds physical torment and punishment, only hell can fill the desire and hunger of pain.

That comment doesn't even make sense...

[2D]

That comment doesn't even make sense...

Erm, did to me.

[Magus]

Erm, did to me.

One of the many. You, my friend can be easily admired.

[Marcie]

Erm, did to me.

Oh okay I get it now, I think..

A reply to that:
However, in heaven you will have no desire to self injure any more.
Heaven is said to be void of sadness, emotional hurt, and everything else bad (for lack of a better term.

[Magus]

Oh okay I get it now, I think..

A reply to that:
However, in heaven you will have no desire to self injure any more.
Heaven is said to be void of sadness, emotional hurt, and everything else bad (for lack of a better term.

Heaven and earth.

Hell and earth

They are connected.

What you desire must, that what you will get in the end.

You desire in pain, you will get pain, you desire in peace, you will get peace. Provided that you do it here, earth.

[Marcie]

Heaven and earth.

Hell and earth

They are connected.

What you desire must, that what you will get in the end.

You desire in pain, you will get pain, you desire in peace, you will get peace. Provided that you do it here, earth.

Upon what do you base that assumption?

[Magus]

Upon what do you base that assumption?

Delusion.

[Marcie]

Delusion.

Delusion?

[Magus]

Delusion?

Aye, mate. I have Psychosis, so bear with me.

[Marcie]

Aye, mate. I have Psychosis, so bear with me.

The how can you portray that idea as being true, if that is all you have to back it up?

[Magus]

The how can you portray that idea as being true, if that is all you have to back it up?

It will be a religious discussion if we continue on, but I will stop and say that is because of my Psychosis, nuff said mate.

[Marcie]

It will be a religious discussion if we continue on, but I will stop and say that is because of my Psychosis, nuff said mate.

Alrighty then.

[BeautifulDisaster]

lol, okay, so because someone has severe mental health problems and they self harm, that means they don't want peace?

Kay then.

[Magus]

lol, okay, so because someone has severe mental health problems and they self harm, that means they don't want peace?

Kay then.



:eek:

evere mental health problems and they self harm

I need help! I am selfharmpeoplephobic and mentalhealthproblempeoplephobic!

I got 2 new phobias!! ARRRGGHHHHH!!!

Is there is a thread about Phobia where I can discuss mine and get it over.

[Marcie]

lol, okay, so because someone has severe mental health problems and they self harm, that means they don't want peace?

Kay then.

Yeah that makes no sense.. you would think that they want peace..

[Triceratops]

To the OP, I can understand where you're coming from, and I can empathise with you as well.

For me, there is always going to be that fear deep inside the back of my mind that I'm going to lose all sight of self-control and completely go off the rails...just like that. Even if I take one miniscule step towards a potential relapse, I feel I will completely lose it - I've always feared that as one of my own deaths actually.

However, I will forever behold memories, contemplations, details, temptations, thoughts and flashbacks of these unpleasant experiences I've undergone throughout my life - no matter how much I try to block them out. There's always that theory in which you can control something, but it never fades away; that's the case for me. This is why I'm afraid of turning back to my old habits so much (well, I wouldn't exactly consider them as old, they're just not as bad as they previously were), because there's not a single day that passes by where these wretched thoughts don't cross my mind.

[Iron Man]

Well, the most feared beast is man himself. Your feelings of hurting yourself are most likely mixed with anger and sorrow over those you loathe. You probably think you might do something drastic in the future because of these feelings.