About to..

[Marcie]

I'm posting this to distract myself for everything that's going on..
I know that I'm going to cut later.. I feel so terrible.. I kinda feel like dying. right now that would be wonderful.
Currently I'm trying to listen to happy music but that's not helping at all.. Sometimes when I feel like this I'll play guitar or something but right now that would be too loud and I'd get yelled at (which wouldn't help too much) I've already tried writing in my journal but that hasn't helped either. I can call anyone and talk to them 'cause I don't have a phone to use at the moment. I can't chat with someone of Skype, AIM, or Facebook 'cause I can't stay on the computer for too much long.
Right now I'm forcing myself to sit in the living-room, I know I won't cut when I'm in here but soon, very soon, I'll be forced to go to my room (I have to be quiet in my room at 10PM it's 9:57 now) and once I'm in my room... I know I'm going to cut myself.. I've been 5 days without cutting.. I'm going to break that.. Yes, I'm still going to try and resist, but I don't think I'll be able to..
I'm being forced to my room now..
My rant is over, Good bye.

[screamtobeheard]

Awh I hope it gets better. :(
You can talk to me about anything if you need to.

[Asylum]

Marcie, you can do this i know yu can.. you dont' need a few second of relief ad a lifetime of scars... you can do this hun.... you dont' need this.... i am so proud of you trying to cheer yourself up. this is very good. glad to hear your listening to good happy music. try focusing on breathing... do this for 30 minutes. i kwo... its long... but you can do it.. perhaps you can call soemoene? i'm very proud of you 5 days is a logn time. don't tell yourself you can't do somhting, you're psyching yoursef out... i know i spelled it totally wrong :(... try ressiting best you can.... *huggles* i hope things get better, feel free to vent/rant to me aanytime.

you really should see a prfessiona to help you cope... i know its difficult, but its merely a suggestion i'm begging you to think it through...

[Marcie]

Thanks guys, but Yuki, right now I can't see a professional..

[Magus]

Seriously man.

I was like that, and I some times burst into tears but never got the Idea of cutting my self.
I did it, but not with a shaving blade or something.

Still, you need to get out, you need to feel free. I do that when I am like that, I take a nice breath of air and walk out and go into the open. Which it is actually helps me, because I feel free and nothing going to stop me being free.

[Marcie]

Seriously man.

I was like that, and I some times burst into tears but never got the Idea of cutting my self.
I did it, but not with a shaving blade or something.

Still, you need to get out, you need to feel free. I do that when I am like that, I take a nice breath of air and walk out and go into the open. Which it is actually helps me, because I feel free and nothing going to stop me being free.

If it's 12PM I can't really do that unless I want to get attacked.. or abducted.. And that doesn't seem like the best alternative to me..

[Asylum]

why can't you get help?

[Marcie]

why can't you get help?

Because my parents aren't really going and setting it up. (I ahave asked them several times.)

[Xistrance]

I just posted on Magiks post and my advice is the same to be honest. I have felt pure sickening depression and morbidness, but it takes a while, it took me 5 years and an arm which looks so terrible I have more issues now, than I did which made me cut. Yet I dread cutting more, I havent in about a year.
one day I evaluated myself and decided to sort my life out, and I did, I grew up, matured and dealt with my issues. I told the people who needed to listen to listen, and if they didnt, I would tell them some home truths so I had their full attention and told them, straight and to the point.

[Scarface]

commiting suicide is not a good idea please feel free to pm me always here to help

[Marcie]

commiting suicide is not a good idea please feel free to pm me always here to help

I never said I was going to commit suicide..

I just posted on Magiks post and my advice is the same to be honest. I have felt pure sickening depression and morbidness, but it takes a while, it took me 5 years and an arm which looks so terrible I have more issues now, than I did which made me cut. Yet I dread cutting more, I havent in about a year.
one day I evaluated myself and decided to sort my life out, and I did, I grew up, matured and dealt with my issues. I told the people who needed to listen to listen, and if they didnt, I would tell them some home truths so I had their full attention and told them, straight and to the point.

That's exactly what I decided to do 6 days ago. And I haven't cut for 6 days, which is really good for me.