Not good enough. Trying not to...

[screamtobeheard]

This is going to sound absolutely ridiculous. Because it is. But basically here's the thing. I haven't self harmed in 6 days. But I made a mistake. I looked at my grades on the internet. That shouldn't be bad, because I get good grades naturally. So, I look at my grades: 98, 98, 99, 99, 100, 100. Then I get to english and I freak out. Because my english grade is a f****** 88. I know it shouldn't bother me, because it's a B+. And that's actually really good. But my whole life, I've gotten As and I've just gotten into this perfectionist thing that if I can't live up to myself I'm not good enough.

So, anyway, I'm posting this in hopes that it'll be enough to keep myself from doing harm to my body, partly knowing that it probably won't.

Sorry about the ranting...

[Aspiringanonymous]

Ah, so you have voiced the woes of all the 99%-average students in my school. Most of these people get in the 60-70's range for English - but they're not bothered, because trends are displayed in their favour.

At some point, strict perfectionism will have to make way to openness and acceptance, in order to maintain a balanced state of being - perhaps not quite yet, whenever you're ready.

May you find peace of mind.

[Soccer Girl 13]

Hun, you know that no body is perfect, but what you got is really really good and you shouldnt be down about it becoz its a B+. Just try not let it get to you, just think about something else, but whatever you do.. please dont harm yourself. I know you can overcome it. I believe you can do it! :)
xx

[Mr. Smithers]

Being a perfectionist is hard work. But everything doesn't always have to be perfect.

I am very proud of you for stopping cutting.

If you want to raise that to an A ask for extra credit. Talk to your English teacher.

If you feel you did everything you could do, accept your grade, it isn't worth getting upset over. If you tried your best, and it's a passing grade, then there is nothing to worry about.

[Magus]

B+? You should be proud. Around here, we get some where 40-70 is a big thing, of course it is harder then any system and it is tough to score 80-100, that's why we get those harsh marks.

[Xistrance]

I failed English, Doesn't mean im illiterate I just have a problem where I cannot put mind to paper, I have excellent stories in my head, but tell me to randomly write a story, you have 1 hour, go! I freeze and just waste away.

You should have worked harder to get an A if you want to be a perfectionist, dont waste your time here or cutting, study. IF you dont want to study then well....give up perfectionism, it will only destroy you.

[CuriousDestruction]

Amanda, if you are freaking out over a B+, especially when the semester is no where near over, you have a serious problem. you need to calm down. i know you do all this stuff and have a lot of extracurriculars. if you freak out at every little thing it will lead to self-harm. please, calm down. think about what you are doing. think if you can do anything to ease your stress. PM me if you wanna talk.

[screamtobeheard]

I know I have a problem. I think I'm insane, to be honest. But there isn't much I can do about that, but it sometimes helps if I play my guitar when I get like that.

Also, thanks, everyone, for input.