I sort of want to...

[munchausen]

I sort of want to kill myself. I'm having suicidal thoughts recently, it started when I ramped up my cutting and started writing a little journal of mine. Thinking logically it seems either my cutting increased as I started thinking like this or I started thinking like this as I started cutting more frequently. There's also the possibility that going over the events in order to write them down might also be causing these thoughts. I believe I can safely rule out other variables such as thoughts caused by reading over journals as I've yet to indulge in that particular activity, however since the variables are as yet unclear to me I can't be sure I'm entirely on the right track. If this is linked to genetics in any way it could have something to do with that as demonstrated by my manic-depressive aunt. Either way it doesn't matter, right now the real problem is that I'm having these thoughts to begin with. It's beginning to scare me as I sit there knife in hand thinking, “I could end it all now, so why don't I? I'll have no more pain, no more regret and no more feeling sorry for myself.” Is this depression? Or something else entirely? I don't really know to be honest. If my little passenger were talking I'm sure he'd egg me on and I'd have tried to kill myself a couple of months ago. I think the only thing that's really stopping me is the fear of leaving my mother and sisters alone with my dad. As soon as he's gone, (Which will be soon.) I think I might just go for it but I don't know if I want to.

[Mattasaur94]

Think about it this way.
Your family needs you.
Sure, life can suck, but you just need to try and look at something postive. Try and focus on the fact that your mum and your sisters love you, that your there for them. How do you think they would cope if you decided to end your life because you couldn't try and cope wiht how you feel?
This sounds like depression. Writing everything down is a good idea, it gives you an outlet to release your emotions and anger.
Cutting yourself, whilst I don't entirely agree with it, can help you feel like there's something left. People cut for all different reasons, yours seems to be a more, "I still feel pain, I still feel emotions, I'm confused and lost, I need help" reason.
I suggest not killing yourself. No matter how fucked up life can be at the moment, everything is made in opposites, protons and electrons. :3

Talk to us about it.
Logical thinking is something which usually occurs when your mind is in a state where it's trying to comprehend everything around you and what your doing.
Self-Harming, I guess, gives you a different outlook on life and what your going through.

We're here for you, the whole of the VT community. (:

[CuriousDestruction]

please put the knife down. suicide is permanent solution to a temporary problem. and it's a bad solution at that. i know life sucks for you right now. i've been there, knife in hand, blade against the skin. it's not a good idea. your family loves you and you love them. leaving them will not only make it unsafe but will tear them apart. i hate depression. it's a scary disease. and it sounds like that's what you have. i don't know you, but you seem like a good kid in a bad situation. please don't end your life. write it down, talk to me, talk to matt^^, talk to a therapist, scream at me, scream at your dad, beat up a pillow, just don't hurt yourself. please. vt loves you and is here for you. feel free to PM me if you wan to talk.

[munchausen]

talk to a therapist, scream at me, scream at your dad, beat up a pillow, just don't hurt yourself. please. vt loves you and is here for you. feel free to PM me if you wan to talk.

Why would I scream at you? you've done nothing wrong.

[screamtobeheard]

Just think. If you let yourself live, things will get better. If you end it all, you're not giving anything the chance to. Things will get better. And we're here for you. PM me if you ever need to talk.

[Fiction]

Look, Damien there are so many people here for you and so many people who would be upset if you did that to yourself, me being one of them. Just because things are hard now doesn't mean they won't become better in the future. You've just got to pull through. I know how you feel and just pull through. . . please? xxx

[Xistrance]

Either you do or you don't want to kill yourself, It doesnt matter if you admit it, what you gotta do is be a man a fking deal with it.

Harsh but true. If you want to die, you wont sit here discussing it. If you don't, you obviously will still live, but think about it. Thinking and doing are not the same thing, I "thought" I wanted to die before, but I never.

[munchausen]

Look, Damien there are so many people here for you and so many people who would be upset if you did that to yourself, me being one of them. Just because things are hard now doesn't mean they won't become better in the future. You've just got to pull through. I know how you feel and just pull through. . . please? xxx

Not to nag but you spelled my name wrong again.

[Watchfulness]

It's an individual's choice, I wouldn't interfere for these situations.
Just understand that this is just a phase...

No one has the right to prevent you from acting upon your intentions, unless it violates the rights of others and well-being.

[Fiction]

Not to nag but you spelled my name wrong again.

Sorry :(

[munchausen]

Sorry :(

it's no big deal happens all the time.

[munchausen]

there was something here, but now something different's here. Move along...