Depressed and Got name stuck in my head :S

[confuzed]

Ok... Just coming here for a little help....

I am 19 and male, and I have the name of a person I went to highschool stuck in my head solid for 3 months... I had a very strong crush on him and
It just goes round and round never leaving... When I wake up... Everything seems fine for a few moments... then I remember and the name hits me like a wave and im like shit... its here for the whole day again...

I spend all day with it in my head... I am depressed too.. lacking motivation and interest.. and nothing I do can ever seem to take the name away... Only for a few moments in each day is my head clear...

I think it is because I am reacting so negatively to the name.. that it is sticking..

Has anyone else had an issue like this before? It is draining my life big time and I had to leave my job because It was a) a bad place to work, but mainly giving me WAYY too much time to dwell on the thought and emotionally each shift was draining me big time...

This is really bad.. Im seeing a Pych which isnt helping much.. Im making more sence of it... but I worry soo much..

I get worried that the name will get attatched to love ones in my life and things I find of interest... I worry about never being able to stop thinking it...

It started after a heavy dose of Marijuana that fucked me up while I was already depresed...

So yeah... Its not good...

I dont take drugs but yeah... unfortunately I had a month where I took exctasy and smoked weed 3 times or so, the 3rd time freaking me out big time.. I'm sort of emotionally scarred from the expereince...

The name just never ends... and I'm so upset by it 24/7... It is having big impact on me as its affecting my short term memory and I'm worrying myself to pieces...

Lol help... :)

Its soo endless and depressing... Ive got nothing to focus on either.. Going to start uni next week so that should hopefully give me some motivation and studying will busy up my mind which has been so unoccupied for the last 3-4 months now...

I could describe myself as over sensitive and emotional which is why I am feeding these intrusive thoughts with so much emotion... they have become like glue... It's really painfull... :0

[shikachunin]

I sometimes read gay stories online, and while this story isn't much like yours, it has some relation. The story is called, It Started With Brian (http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/highschool/it-started-with-brian/)

Also, i think you need to find some way to talk to him (e-mail calling, TXTing, etc.)

[confuzed]

Yeah I found a way to contact him via the internet and although I would not talk about my problem with him, at least he is being friendly... I do not think it is the person that is so much the problem it is the thought... because even when I was speaking to him the name didnt ease up... Its sort of the fear of thinking the thought that is my problem...

I have sort of had that phobia for awhile.. only now I am living it... I used to fear I will think his name when I get married, I will think is name when I get my first tattoo... etc etc... Its like pre-meditated fear and anxiety... Maybe because I am not at peace with my sexuality the name has so much power because it confronts me...

[shikachunin]

Sorry, but its really late here and i'm tired D: My brains not working right, so here's my current advice.

1. Identify the problem
2. Fix it!

Sorry if its not helpful >_<

[Charizard8]

I dont think this belongs in this section, I think it belongs in a section for depression.

[Carfreakjack]

I sometimes read gay stories online, and while this story isn't much like yours, it has some relation. The story is called, It Started With Brian (http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/highschool/it-started-with-brian/)

Also, i think you need to find some way to talk to him (e-mail calling, TXTing, etc.)

That is a great book haven't finished it yet