screamtobeheard
February 18th, 2010, 10:21 PM
Alright, so I guess I should explain why I have a bit of a problem in the first place. I'm a swimmer, and I swim on a team all year. This is why I no longer cut on my arms. I've told all my teammates that the scars on my arms are from when I fell into a plant because when I did it in the first place I wasn't thinking "oh, wait. no, don't do that. someone will see it at swim practice." But there's always that one person who doesn't believe you. I'm absolutely terrified someone will notice the cuts or scars on other parts of my body and figure something out.
And does it bother anyone the way people talk about cutters. I mean, this conversation actually occurred today at practice and it killed me. "Sergio had 2 cuts on his arms! I saw them." "I think if people are gonna cut themselves they should just go down the artery and end it all." That's when the attention turned on me. Luckily I managed to get it away, for now.
Then there's the other problem that I'm going to have to get a physical in the next month or so for school. Which means the doctor's going to see scars. And then what happens? Would she believe my plant story? I really doubt it. If my parents find out I'm screwed. They'd kill me.
And it doesn't seem like these are particularly large problems, but I'm supposed to be "normal". I don't have problems like this, and no one will understand. Of course my natural reaction to all this is to cut more, but I'm trying really hard not to.
Sorry this kinda turned into a rant...
And does it bother anyone the way people talk about cutters. I mean, this conversation actually occurred today at practice and it killed me. "Sergio had 2 cuts on his arms! I saw them." "I think if people are gonna cut themselves they should just go down the artery and end it all." That's when the attention turned on me. Luckily I managed to get it away, for now.
Then there's the other problem that I'm going to have to get a physical in the next month or so for school. Which means the doctor's going to see scars. And then what happens? Would she believe my plant story? I really doubt it. If my parents find out I'm screwed. They'd kill me.
And it doesn't seem like these are particularly large problems, but I'm supposed to be "normal". I don't have problems like this, and no one will understand. Of course my natural reaction to all this is to cut more, but I'm trying really hard not to.
Sorry this kinda turned into a rant...