I'm so lost...

[screamtobeheard]

I feel like I've fallen into a black hole again.
I went about three days without cutting...I was so happy, it was insane. I was scared though, that I'd fall. And I did. Just all of a sudden my good mood went downhill and here I am, almost 30 cuts later. I gave myself whiplash with that mood swing and I still have little mini ones. I'll be upset one minute, and flaming with anger the next. Then I feel like nothing. I'm almost scared I'm gonna have another random upswing and fall back down again.

Does anyone else ever have just that feeling like there's a hole in your chest or your stomach, literally? I can physically feel it but my pain is emotional. I don't understand it and I don't like not understanding things. Especially about myself.

I always have to cry when there are people around, so I hold back the tears but then when I'm alone they don't come. I feel too numb for that.

I'm really scared someone's going to find out everything. What if my parents notice one day that there are cuts and scars all over my body? I don't want to end up in a hospital, I don't think I could take that...

I'm so confused. Does anyone else feel like this?

[Watchfulness]

If I do have such negative feelings, I tend to ignore such feelings.

[CuriousDestruction]

i feel that way a lot. sometimes the world just seems really cold. it seems smaller and smaller and until it crushes you. i'm sorry you feel that way now. PM me if you wanna talk.

[munchausen]

I know what it's like not to be able to cry. It's been over 10 years now.