Canvased Wrists (Poem)

[Stolen Memories]

Hey everyone! I just wrote this poem and would love some constructive feedback!

Canvased Wrists

A swirl of red, as it dances the scene
Let it drip with all it has, a picture; serene.
Let the reed fly as it drips out the ink
This is an essence, it will make you think.



I'll paint it the best, let you see all it embraces,
I'll show you the pain, in my life, that it faces.
I'll compose this an image, of all my emotions
A scream for your help is its promotions.



There's a twist with my ink, you see its just red
And if I pull it just right, it will show me the dead
The illustrations of torture that I draw on my wrists
This affliction of life with torment persists.


This canvas I use will show you my affection
The ink in a flow that's really an infection.
The image I design will save me this day
And the ink of my life will eventually wash away.
(C) Hannah Randle


I do have copy right laws!

[nick]

I would read it if you hadnt chosen an unreadable colour. Its best to stick to the default colour if you want your posts to be readable on every available VT skin.

[Stolen Memories]

I would read it if you hadnt chosen an unreadable colour. Its best to stick to the default colour if you want your posts to be readable on every available VT skin.

Sorry :(

[YesterdaysNews]

I like it, very good. I can relate.

[Stolen Memories]

Thank you :)

[Nelson]

Nice poem :D

[laurita_21]

aaw, very good poem :)

[ErykaInspire.]

I like it.
Although you seem to be trying to hard to rhyme.
Overall, though, it is a nice poem.
And It's easy to relate to.

[Stolen Memories]

I like it.
Although you seem to be trying to hard to rhyme.
Overall, though, it is a nice poem.
And It's easy to relate to.

It does read very forced doesn't it? Oh well.

[ErykaInspire.]

It's lovely overall.
A poem is beauty in the writers eye, write to satisfy yourself. Not everyone else. (:

[Asylum]

i love it and can relate good job :)

[Yesterdays Hero]

Overall I'd say it's a good poem.

[cezisnotdead]

I love this!! Have you written much else? I'd love to read your other work, this is really beautiful. 'The illustrations of torture that I draw on my wrists' is my favourite line. Also, speaking as a poet who is absolutely shite, do you have any tips?

[Stolen Memories]

I love this!! Have you written much else? I'd love to read your other work, this is really beautiful. 'The illustrations of torture that I draw on my wrists' is my favourite line. Also, speaking as a poet who is absolutely shite, do you have any tips?

Hmm, why don't you give me a PM ok?



Everyone else, thank you, this one I worked hard on :)

Also another of my best is:

Once on the front of my binder
Once on the front of my binder
I wrote a poem
I called it "Suicide"
Because that's all I wanted
And hoped a teacher would see
That was the day it hit me
That no one really cared
and that life wasn't worth
living for

Once on a piece of loose leaf
I wrote quotes
All about death
Because again that's all I wanted
Hoping a teacher would find it
when they checked my binder
That was the day it hit me
I knew I needed help
I knew I needed out
And that life wasn't worth
living for

Once on my left arm
I drew a long red line
I called it "Beautiful"
Because it really was
I knew I would have to wear short sleeves
maybe someone would see?
That was the moment it hit me
No one was gonna help me
And suicide was my way out
And that life wasn't worth
living for

And thats why once on my wrists
I drew two stars
I called them "My way out"
Because it was true
That's when it hit me
No one helped me because they
didn't know

And they never would