Suppressed feelings..

[peanutx]

So I posted here about a year ago freaking out about losing my virginity. I'm 18 years old now and I thought I had moved passed that since I left the jerk and am now with a very a good man.
I have one problem though, I've kinda always had it. I suppress memories, thoughts, feelings, that I don't wish to feel at certain moments. When I broke up with my boy friend, the fact, and all the feelings that came with it, of losing my virginity to that guy; i had pushed to the very back of my mind and now they seem to be pushing their way forward. I don't talk to him anymore, i despise him actually for all that he'd put me through, and I find myself feeling lower about him, hating him. And wishing I had just waited.

I was a wreck after I'd broken up with him and I was under the influence quite a lot and that was when my boy friend of now helped me get back up on my feet. So we got together not too soon after the break up, so i'm thinking maybe I hadn't taken enough time to myself to heal, and allowed him to heal me instead.
I've been able to escape this reaction for about a year and now suddenly it's hit me and it hurts and terrifies me because of the fact and I'm terrified that the fact may come between me and my boy friend of now. He is an amazing man, but he also has a high sense of dignity.
I don't want to feel regret, I don't want to hate my ex really, I just want to be at peace with myself and be able to accept what's happened. But all I feel is anger and disappointment. Can someone please advise me?

[Englishrose]

I personally think your best bet is to talk to someone. Whether it be your boyfriend or a friend, I think the only way your going to be able to deal with your problems is to talk to someone about them. Getting it off your chest actually does help. However, it needs to be with someone you trust, and since you say your boyfriend is a nice guy who is there for you, maybe he will be the best person to talk to, since it does affect him in a way too.

However, I don't think anyone on the forum can give you any advice on what to do because its such a personal matter, and we can't really know what your actually thinking. Its one of those problems you have to talk to someone outside the internet.

[CrazyL29]

Aww dont orry everyhing will be ok

[Lalalisa]

dont worry youll be fine

[kaz009]

Well i think that you should spend time for yourself say for 2 weeks or so. to have YOU time. to make sure you know what YOU want. just relax and enjoy life :)
good luck hunny! x

[Fiending_the_freedom]

PM me if you'd like I think I could offer some advice.