Zephyr
February 14th, 2010, 06:14 AM
Mhmmm. Needed to get this all out somewhere since he'd just tear up the paper and not even read it. Don't feel obligated to read or comment.
Why do you do this to yourself? You're 47 years old, not getting any younger. Do you not realize what you're doing to yourself? You drink too much, and it scares me. When I have to hear, "I found dad slumped over the steering wheel of the pick-up sleeping at the top of the hill with it in neutral, empty beer can in hand, the keys still in it and it still running with the heater full blast, and judging from the temperature of the few beers left in the case, he'd been in there a long time.", it really scares me. As much as we don't get along and as little as we talk, you're still my dad, the only father that I'm ever going to get, and seeing you destroying yourself with alcohol and doing risky things while intoxicated tears me to shreds, it's the reason why I hardly ever partake in alcohol anymore. You've been doing this for years, and you still never learn a lesson from it. You always justify it by being a bully and saying, "I am an adult, and I have earned my right to do what I want. You are still a child and wouldn't understand.". I understand that going to work at 5 AM and getting home at 4 PM is a long day, then you drink all night excessively, get very little sleep and go to work hungover. This is not the way to live your life. Maybe if you stopped drinking so much beer, you'd have the money that you say you never have to spend. You accuse me of living my life wrong constantly... well, if that's the case, then look who I grew up with as an example, you. And you always complain when I don't want to take anything that you're offering, such as money; You think that I hate you when I refuse the money. That's not the case at all. You need it more than I do. Let's look at this realistically: I'm $4,500 in debt from student loans, and have well about $2,000 in my savings account to back me up when something goes wrong. You, on the other hand, have approximately $200,000 in debt due to a mortgage on the house and a motor home payment, with $14,000 in savings, at most if I recall correctly, and you essentially live paycheck to paycheck from the way you make it sound. You need it more than I do. Don't go out and buy a case of beer with it, save it. I've repeatedly told you over the years that you drink entirely too much, and all you do is pull the, "I'm an adult, you're still a child, shut up." card. I don't tell you this because I'm trying to be a bitch, I tell you this because I care about you. And I'm proud that you passed the test to be able to become an electrician out at the mill. You're finally doing something good and taking some classes to enrich your job duties at work as well, but when I have to hear from Jen that you haven't even been in to take a test because you'd rather drink, it makes me sad. It takes over your life, and you've done nothing to help yourself. All of this drinking is not good for your diabetes either. Just because you're back in shape doesn't make the disease go away. I wish that you'd do something to help yourself, and I'd even love to help in anyway that I can if you can get the ball rolling. If you can't help yourself for you, then please help yourself for your daughters. Do it for Starla. Nobody in this world loves you more than the three of us. And even as broken and dysfunctional as the rest of the family is, they care about you too. Please do something about this before something bad happens. I know I'm terrible at showing it, but I really do love you, and I want you to make a better life for yourself, even if half of your life is already over. It's never too late to fix the future. <3
Why do you do this to yourself? You're 47 years old, not getting any younger. Do you not realize what you're doing to yourself? You drink too much, and it scares me. When I have to hear, "I found dad slumped over the steering wheel of the pick-up sleeping at the top of the hill with it in neutral, empty beer can in hand, the keys still in it and it still running with the heater full blast, and judging from the temperature of the few beers left in the case, he'd been in there a long time.", it really scares me. As much as we don't get along and as little as we talk, you're still my dad, the only father that I'm ever going to get, and seeing you destroying yourself with alcohol and doing risky things while intoxicated tears me to shreds, it's the reason why I hardly ever partake in alcohol anymore. You've been doing this for years, and you still never learn a lesson from it. You always justify it by being a bully and saying, "I am an adult, and I have earned my right to do what I want. You are still a child and wouldn't understand.". I understand that going to work at 5 AM and getting home at 4 PM is a long day, then you drink all night excessively, get very little sleep and go to work hungover. This is not the way to live your life. Maybe if you stopped drinking so much beer, you'd have the money that you say you never have to spend. You accuse me of living my life wrong constantly... well, if that's the case, then look who I grew up with as an example, you. And you always complain when I don't want to take anything that you're offering, such as money; You think that I hate you when I refuse the money. That's not the case at all. You need it more than I do. Let's look at this realistically: I'm $4,500 in debt from student loans, and have well about $2,000 in my savings account to back me up when something goes wrong. You, on the other hand, have approximately $200,000 in debt due to a mortgage on the house and a motor home payment, with $14,000 in savings, at most if I recall correctly, and you essentially live paycheck to paycheck from the way you make it sound. You need it more than I do. Don't go out and buy a case of beer with it, save it. I've repeatedly told you over the years that you drink entirely too much, and all you do is pull the, "I'm an adult, you're still a child, shut up." card. I don't tell you this because I'm trying to be a bitch, I tell you this because I care about you. And I'm proud that you passed the test to be able to become an electrician out at the mill. You're finally doing something good and taking some classes to enrich your job duties at work as well, but when I have to hear from Jen that you haven't even been in to take a test because you'd rather drink, it makes me sad. It takes over your life, and you've done nothing to help yourself. All of this drinking is not good for your diabetes either. Just because you're back in shape doesn't make the disease go away. I wish that you'd do something to help yourself, and I'd even love to help in anyway that I can if you can get the ball rolling. If you can't help yourself for you, then please help yourself for your daughters. Do it for Starla. Nobody in this world loves you more than the three of us. And even as broken and dysfunctional as the rest of the family is, they care about you too. Please do something about this before something bad happens. I know I'm terrible at showing it, but I really do love you, and I want you to make a better life for yourself, even if half of your life is already over. It's never too late to fix the future. <3