Why don't I WANT to change?

[Syvelocin]

I observe myself all the time since I'm conflicted with how lost I feel. It all sucks, it really does, my mental conditions, life, etc. But for some reason I don't feel the need to change. I don't want to work on my manic depression, or OCD, Social Anxiety Disorder, nothing, and I still see no wrongs in self-harm. I will get in the car but that doesn't mean I feel like I need a psychologist. I'm the type of person that does, but psychologists are there to help you, and help seems to be the last thing I want. I'm complying still, I take at least one of my dosages of meds everyday, I went along when my mom shipped me to a facility, but I'm still ignorant and stupid. And yet, in everything else, I'm an intelligent and talented individual. But I want to mutilate my legs, I want to smoke, I want to be depressed, with no guilt over anything. Not smart actions.

My psychologist is there reading through my journal and wondering why I let myself get like this. Why do I like being so stressed and hurting so much instead of being dedicated to making my life easier?

[Mr. Smithers]

The psychologist is only trying to help you. I'm pretty sure that if you stay on your meds, and you be completely honest with him, you are going to be just fine. Just the fact that you are complying with getting help, and going on meds, shows that you want to change.

Remember, you can always come here to talk if you have a problem.

[BeautifulDisaster]

Perhaps like me, you are scared to change, because being like this is all you've ever known?