Fatten me up? Knock it off

[ShatteredWings]

No, I don’t have a problem.
She’s trying to fatten me up.
The bitch wants me to gain more weight. I’ve already lost 10 pounds.
And no, I can’t loose any more
“That’s not healthy.”

Make me obese like you are?
You want me to have all the health problems you have? It’s not like I don’t already have a few unrelated to weight.

*sigh*
I feel like crap.

She’s bringing in more and more food. More and more food. “Good” food.
Gross. But I almost want it.
Almost.
But I don’t. Because that’s gonna make me fat. And I don’t want to get fatter.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this.

But… if i was sure, I wouldn't be posting.

[BeautifulDisaster]

Very true, the last part.

Hon, I think you should try and take a look at this post.

Do you honestly believe this, or is it your ED talking?

x

[ShatteredWings]

Dunno what I believe anymore.

I mean sure, I'll probably always be disgusted with my body to some point...
but is this "normal".
I doubt it.

[Sapphire]

Gwyn, try to look at this from an outside perspective as it gives you a reference point to work with/toward.
What would you say to any of us who had said ^ that?

Please be gentle with yourself and stay safe.

[BeautifulDisaster]

I don't think it is "normal" to think those things, but I'm no professional, all I see is thoughts that could well be distorted by an ED...

I think you should see someone about this.

Please?

[ShatteredWings]

see who?

I've talked to 3 different psychs, been in the office of 2.
None of 'em have taken me seriously.
it's just like "whatever she's just a normal self-conscious teenager", when that's not it at all.

[BeautifulDisaster]

Hun, I've been seeing professionals since I was 7, I know full well how shit they can be, but you gotta keep trying, if not for yourself, for those who love & care about you...

Could you see someone new?
Psychologist's are better than psychiatrists, I've found.
Counselors maybe?
Therapists?
ED specialists?

[ShatteredWings]

Yeah.
Because the woman who's trying to make me gain weight to HER size (my mother is my height and a good 200+lb) and say that's "perfectly normal" is going to try to get me help for an eating disorder which can't be diagnosed (even under newer criteria) because I'm not 'underweight' and neither is my goal.

[BeautifulDisaster]

Well, if it's okay to ask, what is your current height & weight, & what is your goal?

[ShatteredWings]

... goal 130, i'm 5'8
that puts my bmi at 19.5

Still healthy right?
right?...

i mean really.
I don't need the fat "deposits" other girls have.
I'm not one... won't ever be one.


just don't want to be what she wants me to be.
bitch keeps forcing food on me.
and i'm so tempted to start purging more...

[BeautifulDisaster]

That's nearly underweight... that's not healthy hon.
I think you know that deep down...

Please try & find some help, I think you need it.

If not, I'll be here anytime...

[DarkWingedAngel]

babe as i have said before, and i will say it again, you are Beautiful the way you are. I get that you don't like your weight and i really cant say shit without being a hypocrite.
I love you babe, i always will, NOTHING will change that.
Please get help tho hun

[ShatteredWings]

"help"
maybe for other things...
Oh wait, but that's "against god", never mind. I'll just pretend like I'm not a big fat fucking queer shit.



this is better than cutting

right?.

[BeautifulDisaster]

Both are as bad as each other.

I really think you should get help somehow, be referred to someone new, seek a counselor, a therapist, if not to help you, to at least talk & get it out of you.

[2D]

You're healthy. Heh. I'm considered underweight on the BMI scale. A 17.2 or something, and every doc I've seen says I'm just skinny. You're fine. Just stay where you are and you should be okay. =]

[ShatteredWings]

that's my goal
which means atm i'm fatter. and fuck i dont wanna be fat.


evryones like 'omg no u can't do that'. why not? why not stop letting that bitch try to get me to her level just so she can prove that im related(Somehow)

[munchausen]

My dad actually did this, he got my BMI up to 32.5. I went to a couple of professionals who completely ignored me and called me an insecure teenager. That changed though when I spoke to my GP about the cause of my weight gain so I put a stop to it, but I went too far and got my BMI down to 12 and was forced to gain weight. Now it's at 20.
Point is it's not all in your head if you're parents fat and you think they're overfeeding you there's a chance they are.

[Beautiful Obsession]

i dont actually think anyone is happy with their weight, or their body, there will always be something about it your want to change, you need to come to terms with that. I think beautiful disaster is right, is this you or your eating disorder talking?
Im sure your parents arnt trying to make you become obese, you need to eat though, just tell them you want them to cut down on the amount of food their giving to you? x

[Asylum]

beautiful disaster is right about this...you really need to seek a prefessional hun..

[ShatteredWings]

Why?
They'll either ignore me or force feed me.

I want to go back to the gym regularly. But suddenly since I'm OLDER, i can't because it's not healthy the whole 'you'll stunt your grwoth' BS even though I've been working out on and off since i was 9 and i'm probably at my full height ANYWAY. So apparently i'm nt allowed to be 'healthy'(still huge) even. let alone actually thin.

wtf?