Coming out with minimal damage

[Giles]

I can't believe I'm considering this.
I'm going to try and come out when I go back to school in 10 days.
I've told three people whom I trust not to tell anyone else and appear not to of done so as it seems no one else knows right now.

I want to come out to anyone and everyone that knows me (sadly that happens to be all of my year and a large chunk of 9,11,12 and 13 - works out at around 400 people).

Going around and just telling everyone is not an option as there is already a common rumor that I tried to touch some one about 3 years ago, which isn't true ironically, so if I was to walk up to him and his friends all of the friends would immediately assume that I did attempt to touch him and the harassment would begin again.

Another awkward point is that I used to admit to being extremely camp, but not gay. I actually convinced many people that I was just a camp straight guy, so when I do eventually come out by any means that I have not yet come up with they will take the piss about that as well.

I'm certain that some harassment and abuse will occur, I just want to know how to minimize it.

So, my question is... How can I come out without getting any excess abuse?
If you came out in a similar situation to me (ie denying it for years beforehand) then please post and tell me what you did/said.

[Sugaree]

Look, I'll cut straight to the point without giving the sappy "Oh you can do it =DDDDDD" bullshit: You will get excess abuse for it. There's no way in stopping it, unless you're in an area that is generally accepting of those with different sexuality. Now, I know by experience because my mother gave me an earful of shit when I came out. Be careful who you tell and only tell people you REALLY REALLY trust. I know it's exciting and you just want to shout it out from the rooftops, but this is something that needs to be handled delicately.

So if are going to tell people, don't just go to everyone you know and say it. It can make a rift in your friendship with them and you may never really like each other as friends again. It's a sad thing yes, but you must be cautious.

[CuriousDestruction]

well, you don't need to necessarily make a big deal about it. maybe you just tell people when the subject comes around. or just gradually tell people. you don't need to go on the loudspeaker and announce it unless you really want to. if you wanna PM me i can give you better, more detailed advice.

[Nelson]

I think work on a "Dont ask Dont tell" basis, thats how i done it, yes i still got abuse like people spreading rumours, i did deny it for 3 years (from beginning of high school)

*looks up "camp"* I just worked out im a camp bi guy lol

[beedubs]

if your happy with yourself and proud, you shouldnt care what other people think. what happened with me is: i told one person, then one more, then afew more. within a month most of the school knew. if your proud of who you are then you shouldnt care. also, your true friends will show if you do this. if everyone is making fun of you, theyll be the ones who support you. its better to be out, and be who you really are, then hold it in and pretend. Be Proud

[Gay Bot]

DIAGNOSIS: Listen to Beedubs

[Giles]

Thanks Matt and Brian for the honesty. I'm considering telling another gay guy that I like about my sexuality first and maybe asking him how he done it, he still does get the abuse like 2 years on - but it doesn't seem to bother him at all - after what I hear was a rather embarrassing coming out 'party'.

I'm not sure what to do. If I come out, I want everyone to know - not just the people who don't really care. Again when I think about it though the idea of everyone knowing and thinking about it behind my back is terrifying.

[Botchy]

be as relaxed as possible thats what i did i told people while smiling and joking it was hard but now the word is getting around and its ok just let it out in the open bit by bit and discretly.

[Giles]

Charlie, is it better now that other people are telling each other? Instead of you just telling people.

[karl]

I don't know for sure, coz I was 'literally' caught with my pants down, but I would say it's not necessary to go around telling everybody. Maybe they just don't want to know or care. If I'd had the chance I would have just answered honestly to a direct question, even if I felt it was no business of theirs. Wear your sexuality like you wear your watch. Do you go around telling people the time?

[Giles]

I don't know for sure, coz I was 'literally' caught with my pants down, but I would say it's not necessary to go around telling everybody. Maybe they just don't want to know or care. If I'd had the chance I would have just answered honestly to a direct question, even if I felt it was no business of theirs. Wear your sexuality like you wear your watch. Do you go around telling people the time?

That's great... Makes total sense as well though.
I've made a decision that I'm going to tell another gay person via Facebook next time he is on. I'll see what he says.

[Nelson]

Ben, have you done it.. if so how did it go?

[Giles]

I've changed my sexuality on Facebook to gay. I've also sent the guy a message, he hasn't been on yet though.

[Nelson]

Awwk, good for you Ben, hope it all goes well for you

[Giles]

Thanks allot.
He's been on facebook, probably read my message. But I've had nothing back yet.

[Giles]

I don't really know if I should bump this back up again... oh what the hell. It's not that old.
Sorry about the double, If I edited nobody would see it :(

I told him today, he said that he doesn't even go on facebook anymore so it's no surprise he didn't get my message. He took it really well for not suspecting a thing, I am really surprised that he didn't actually look remotely shocked - maybe gays do have a gaydar...

I feel a whole lot better now, even just telling that one extra person. Thanks for all your help guys. :hug: It really helped.