I honestly dont know anymore.

[death1337]

Lock thread, i have decided to go out tommorow, with my closest friend , we are going to go to the shrink together , and he isnt going to let me leave untill they have diagnosed\found out whats wrong with me, would this kindly be deleted or locked, no need for this anymore , and thanks katrina for your help... this friend of mine is an 'elder' to me anyways , he is very wise and such...

[Katrina]

This itself is a good thing that you know your shortcoming.
You may try practicing meditation, it really calms your mind.
You may also try talking to some elder in whom you believe, I know you talked to your mother and she did the thing any mother would do in such situations.
Let me assure you that if a person thinks he would do something terrible, he would certainly will not do that in reality.
I don't want to be mean or anything but please meet a counselor/psychologist immediately.
Best of Luck

[death1337]

Lock thread, i have made a decision.