God, you don't know what bad tastes like till you live me

[NMon]

My life is bad.
Not like the kids in Haiti, or Africa, or anything like that. I'm grateful for what I have, I truly am. But my life is a wreck. I can't handle it.
Okay, let me tell you it from the beginning. :\

Every year I look back at myself and only think about the stupid things I've done. I always look at those things.

I'm worried that I might turn bi, or gay. Hell, I'm almost already bi. But I don't want to be.

My gf broke up with me for another man, and other reasons, and now is spreading rumors about me.

My family acts like an ass to me.

I'm self conscious.

I distract myself with music and my "talents".

I have no talent.

sometimes, I've cried over all the reasons I have to not live.

And for some reason, I always push suicidal thoughts out of my head. Weird.

[Mr. Smithers]

I'm so sorry you feel like this. This is the place to let all those feelings out.

I really hope that you accept your bi-sexuality. You have to love yourself. It's really important that you to.

You say that you have no talents, but I think you do. Everyone has something that they are good at. Music is a very good distraction, I myself like to listen to music.

I'm also sorry that your girlfriend broke up with you, but you will met another person. Don't let it get to you.

[NMon]

I love drawing and singing and such, but people always say I'm bad at it
I don't really like doing anything else, besides being a computer hog.

[Mr. Smithers]

There is nothing wrong with being a computer hog. Just try not to always be on the computer all day every day. Its nice to go out and breathe air sometimes. Exercise maybe?

[NMon]

I'm not fat or anything >:
and I exercise about twice a week. Today I did, actually.

Meh, I hate being outside. Especially in this weather. It's too cold.

[Icarus7]

Well i have been through same... for the girl , well a ot of girls do that... i will recommend to continue being nice and honest with the people around so the rumors will start to evaporate once people really know the nice person you are... and your ex gf will stay as a gossipmonger, too bad for her :confused:

About the bi stuf... Well thats the way things are... for my point of view is that you accept the way you are and if you dont want to "get out of the closet" you can hide it from the other people but the important matter is that you accept the way you are within yourself and love yourself because being bi is something amazing...wait and you will see :)

About talents and your place on the planet... Like you said it before you wern't born in haiti or zimbawe and the country you live in will give you tons of support for sure...even some ppl who were born in those countries have done great things... you could have some flaws but 1000 of good qualities and everyone has talents. maybe you just havent found yours... try sports, or hobbies... drawing and sketching is like music, is very fun but requires a lot of practice, at the begining the sketches will be from a poor quality, but the more you practice, the better they will be ;) Remember that Art is subjective and relies on the viewer so some ppl will like your draws and some ppl will not... the important issue is that you like your own production :rolleyes: The same with musisc, theater, photogaphy... :P

Computers are a marvelous tool but like everything could harm if they are used in excess... could affect social life, and ppl with sedentary lifestyle :( but you had a gf and do sports so you are handling it well.. just use them wisely...:yeah: if you wanna talk to somebody just PM me ;)

[Carfreakjack]

Ok well keep those sudicidal thougts out. It's not worth it. It's wired iv been feeling depressed latly b/c of all the shit that's been going on in my life. A while ago I was really considering it but there was two people keeping me from doing that. My dog and my grandma. My dog, he was soo awsome like the pefect dog. He alway knew when some thing was wrong and knew how to make u feel better. He passed peacfully on his bed last summer. ( and my family just adapted another dog who is also a German shepard just like he was and she's six and it's been hard bc I can't stop thinking of him and I miss him soo much. ) so down to one. Well let me start of by saying them mine my moms and my grandmas bdays are all in October. Well last October just after my moms n gmas biday and right before mine I tore my catalige in my knee and had surgery but about 3 day before surgery my brother took my grandma to the hospital ( o and she is my last grandparent. My grandpa died in 2007 of lung cancer. RIP) but anywAy she went bc so much back pain. Well the next day I was on a field trip on crutches and it was a play. The whole time I was thinking and worring about her hoping it was not cancer. When I texted my mom (about 20 times) asking if the test were done she just said no not yet. I knew something was up. When my mom picked me up for school and was pulling in the garge she told me it was cancer. I just lost it. Well she's now living at my house and she has pancriotic cancer and they wernt about to remove it before it spread and has less than a year most likly but she is very positive and here origanal life expetancy was chang for longer bc how well she is doing. But it won't last. Idk what I'm going to do. When I lost my grandpa it was so hard bc we were close. ( and my dad didn't really like him but didn't say anything for my grandma but nowthat he's been gone he told me how he really felt( my grandma is my moms mom) and he was really only my step gpa bt my real one was a fucking ass whole who tried stealing from his own family. I will not miss him. But when my dad says bad yhig about him I want to kill him bc he knows how close we were. ) well now me and my gma are even closer. Well to top things off I'm bi and am in the closet and can't come out. I hate living a lie. Some of my friend I fucking hate. Everyone is so rude. The only reason I even think one day I'll come out in hs is bc I'm bigger than everyone and could kick most of there asses. And I haven't had a fucking gf since the sumeer going into 8th grade and if I do kick some kids asses that I want to so bad( they desirve it ao badly) I might lose some friends and have a lesser life then I have. I wouldn't really have a prob with that it my brother would let me live my life. But he alway buds in. Well at least he's going to collage next year. So many more bad things but I'm done for now my thinks are going to fall off and am out of tears. But what helps me is to think of all the good that happens. Even if I'm not a part of it.

Also remebered something before I post this. There was this one man who would come in the bar my mom worked at work killed him family and then killed himself. My mom said that he would be the person at the bar calling that guy on the news ( who was now him) calling him A fucking ass whole.

Please don't do it. Or even think about it.

Sorry for the lenght and mistakes. I felt I needed to say all this. And it's help me but I need to stop being depressed but I just don't see that happaning.
Good luck and feel free to pm me if u need help.

Jack

[BeautifulDisaster]

Hey Nathan.

I feel like my life is shit too, but to be honest, you've gotta look at what you have, and try to focus on the positive, not the negative.
Easier said than done, I know, trust me, but try & have a go at it.

I'm bisexual, nothing is wrong with that, it may take some time to accept & get used to, but don't be ashamed. <3

I feel like my life is shit not just because of the abuse, neglect, molest, etc but because my health is now shot down with an incurable illness... but hey, I have my laptop, I have my friends, I have people who care & who would die for me... try to focus on the positive, name 5 things that is good in your life, & focus more on those 5 good things, than 5 bad things...

Take a walk, buy a camera & take pictures as a hobby, look at the clouds, the sunshine, the flowers, anything... try to focus on even the little good things, because the little things in life, I've found, are amazing... I love to smell a rich flower, to shut my eyes as the warmth of the sun shines down on me, to walk across the beach, smelling in that sea-filled air, (even if it does make me feel a bit sick!), the gentle breeze on a summer's day...
things like that... small things are awesome. ;)

If you ever want to chat, please feel free to PM me.
x

[CuriousDestruction]

hey nathan. i'm sorry you are going through this. it sounds pretty intense and complicated. i sympathize with you in many ways. i've also had a lot of troubles discovering my true sexuality. i'm also extraordinarily self-conscience. i know you are going through a hard time and i'm glad you aren't suicidal. besides music, do you have anything else you like to do? sports? art? please feel free to PM me anytime. i'm happy to talk to you about ANYTHING. :)

[Fiction]

Well reading your post just made me realise i am not the only one. Many people on here all have problems such as they have been abused and things far worse than mine. My problems are small compared to tehm yet i still feel the need to self-harm. You made me realise i am not the only person who is effected by everyday problems :) You should realise this too because when i feel guilty for this i self-harm more and feel even worse :)

[NMon]

Well I normally don't think of suicide. Like I said, I've never actually gone far with any thoughts of it. But when I posted this, I was having one of those days. They don't happen most of the time, but when they do I fell all sad.
I love art.
Meh, I'm bisexual off and on. Mostly off, but still.
And if you're straight, and going bi, it's kind o corrupted to think about. :\

[BeautifulDisaster]

I used to be straight too, I'm now bisexual.
You need to accept it, it's a part of you, and it isn't going to go away.
The sooner you do accept it, the easier your life will be.
It's not bad or anything, millions out there are bisexual.


Perhaps buying some art equipment could help?

[Beautiful Obsession]

agree with all the above comments, you need to focus on the posotives, and whether your straight, bi or gay, you need to accept which you are, you cant choose what you are, you just are, and theres nothing wrong with that. and for the people that have a problem with any of them, well screw the heartless fu*kers!

maybe you should talk to someone about the way your feeling, these things wont just go away by itself, talking about it will help it the end, xx