and now i know why i never have and never will tell her...

[1_21Guns]

me and my mum were just talking, when i noticed scratches on her arm from the cat. she then went 'guess what that was' so i just shrugged and said 'Gypsy?' (the cat) she went 'yup, little sh*t. do i look like one of those saddos who cut themselves?'
my heart sunk. i felt tears welling in my eyes. not only had she insulted me and every other cutter that has good reason, she'd reminded me how badly i want to right now. she's 37. and so niave it hurts. the comments she's come out with about depression and self harm are like a stab in the back. surely because she's never been through it, she can't make such judgemental comments. perhaps that is why, but it still hurts.
now I know i can't tell her a thing about my past. all because she's like this.
it just makes me want to cut more knowing i'll have to wait another 3 years before i can get medical help.
i felt like screaming at her on the spot, letting it all out, telling her what its like to be one of those 'saddos'. but how could i? how could she say such a thing? she's seen my scars before, how could she not see through the lies i told? my own mother can't even see my own lies.
i feel like saying i need to cut. but i know that would just be daft. i dont need it. i just want it so bad it feels like i need it. i'm just so lost and confused atm, it feels like i've fucked my whole life up but noone can hear about it.
now i keep thinking one little scratch can't hurt. but that means more scratches. deeper and deeper. argh. i can't give up, but i'm going to get too tired to fight eventually. its too much at once. i want my blade. its as false of a friend as some of those around me. it doesn't hurt to know its fake and not real. it hurts to know i can't feel like that again. free and calm. just littered in scars.
I cant win either way... whats the point anymore?

[munchausen]

I wonder what would happen if you actually told her, you see for years one of my friends openly despised, (and yes I do mean literally despised.) cutters calling them, "stupid emo bastards," but when I eventually did tell him he completely changed his tune on me and now he's speaking about self harm this may 1st in front of the whole school for me. Nuts right?
Anyway my point is no matter what people say when something like this actually affects them directly they've got no set opinion on it.

[Asylum]

her words are ignorant and rude. my mother does the same thing... however she knwos... maybe you can tell your mother by writing a letter telling her why you do it... now if she is the reason... i wouldn't suggest telling her.. but telli her can get you help.
no one can ever know why unless they have experienced i themselves. to them its strange and foreign concept... doens't igive them justice to say that though.

[1_21Guns]

I wonder what would happen if you actually told her, you see for years one of my friends openly despised, (and yes I do mean literally despised.) cutters calling them, "stupid emo bastards," but when I eventually did tell him he completely changed his tune on me and now he's speaking about self harm this may 1st in front of the whole school for me. Nuts right?
Anyway my point is no matter what people say when something like this actually affects them directly they've got no set opinion on it.

her words are ignorant and rude. my mother does the same thing... however she knwos... maybe you can tell your mother by writing a letter telling her why you do it... now if she is the reason... i wouldn't suggest telling her.. but telli her can get you help.
no one can ever know why unless they have experienced i themselves. to them its strange and foreign concept... doens't igive them justice to say that though.

You are both correct in that she may react differently, change her mind on the whole thing completely. However believe me she's set on it. This isn't the first comment she's made about it, and it certainly won't be the last. Perhaps any other person's mind would change, but not hers. It probably sounds like i'm making excuses to not tell her, but believe me, if you knew her and the rest of my family you'd know exactly why its safer not to bother.
She isn't the reason as such, but she has been part of it in the past, and I can see myself just screaming blue murder at her blaming her for every last thing, which of course would only end in disaster.

Thanks for your replys.

[Amyxoxo]

Mabie if you tell her now, get it over with.
Things wont be so bad!
So she is saying these things know but she dosnt understand. Mabie if you tell her she might want to. She will want you to get help. She may take back all of the things that she has already said? x

[Mattasaur94]

To me, from her remarks, it seems as if she allready has her suspicions.
I mean, maybe she's trying to make you vent your anger, your rage to her, maybe she wants to you tell her everything, by provoking you, it sounds to me like she's trying to become part of your life by taking your pain.
As I said, to me, it sounds like she knows or suspects that you cut yourself. I think this is just her way of trying to let you tell her, I'm sure, via body language, you've already told her whats happening, mum's (or mom's, depending on where you are :P) tend to be able to read their child's body actions well. Condsidering 90% of our communication is through our body language.

You can win. You will win.
You need to remain positive through this fight if you want to win.
Ask your mum if you can talk to her, sit down with her at dinner or some time, tell her whats happening, your mum was 15 too once upon a time, its probably (from what my parents have told me) is the hardest age for anyone. Its the time where they're trying to build their trust, everything is happenign at once, we're discovering who we are.

Talk to your mum, if she gets angry at you explain whats happening, don't jump straight into the cutting, talk to her about problems at school or what ever, whats driving you to cut yourself, it's incredibly hard, confiding in strangers is far, far easier than talking to your parents about problems.

[Aspiringanonymous]

Some people just can't and won't 'get it' - my parents were one of such people. I was aware of my situation, and never did open up to them about any sensitive details. Especially when relatively simple ideas such as seeing a school counselor regularly had already driven them up the wall and back.

I never fully gave up hope that 'talking to parents' would help, even in an honest, civilized, respectful manner - because everyone I confided in had insisted so - and finally attempted to do so after a period of significant changes and increased clarity of mind. It turned out to be a horrible experience.

What I'm saying is, you know your situation best. Do what is most suitable for the circumstances at hand. Learn to accept what cannot be changed, and foster openness towards change in the aspects which can be.

I'm not sure what the policies in your area are, but where I am, anyone over age 13 can seek confidential medical services. I've come across the odd stubborn idiot who insists 16, but not all.

i want my blade. its as false of a friend as some of those around me. it doesn't hurt to know its fake and not real. it hurts to know i can't feel like that again.No you don't. You don't -want- to base your existence on delusions. That's why you're fighting it. That's why you haven't just simply given in yet.

The first step to countering any influence is recognizing it for what it is.
Recognize that it affects not only emotions, but thinking patterns most of all, for through that, the greatest power can be exerted. Thoughts, and even elaborate logical conceptualizations, that work to support what the influence seeks to do.

Personally, I've found that identifying oneself with these thoughts and emotions as genuinely one's own, makes the coping experience much more difficult, if not dangerous.

I cant win either way... whats the point anymore? What's the point in resignation? Things wouldn't be any easier. If anything, it could just spiral out of control; even if you're not 'winning' the struggle, at the very least you are keeping much of its destructive potential within boundaries.

The battle is worth it, I promise. For yourself - because you deserve it.

May there be light to guide you through the chaos.

[Fiction]

my dad makes jokes about self-harm. We will be joking as a family about something like my mother being annoying and then he says as a joke that i must be self-harming at least. My heart sinks when he says this. I just laugh and agree. He will never know.

[Beautiful Obsession]

Awhh i know that must be horrible, you think if you tel your mum she will think your one of those "saddoo's that cut" but it will be different if its her own daughter, if you explain why you cut? People like that really irritate me, they dont actually know anything about people that self-harm and yet they think they can judge them. do you have anyone else you can maybe talk to about it? x

[munchausen]

my dad makes jokes about self-harm. We will be joking as a family about something like my mother being annoying and then he says as a joke that i must be self-harming at least. My heart sinks when he says this. I just laugh and agree. He will never know.

I know what that feels like my mom sometimes says stuff like, "If [insert random event] I'm going to end up just slitting my wrists." I'll play along to avoid suspicion of course but it really hurts sometimes.

[Fiction]

I know what that feels like my mom sometimes says stuff like, "If [insert random event] I'm going to end up just slitting my wrists." I'll play along to avoid suspicion of course but it really hurts sometimes.

Yeah i hate laughing on the outside when your really just crying inside because if your parents think your a freak then you really must be right> :/

[Cloud]

Some one says a rude comment about self harm
i just subtly educate them
theres no need to have them find out
just tell them the facts
i do it all the time and no one questions how i would know

[munchausen]

Yeah i hate laughing on the outside when your really just crying inside because if your parents think your a freak then you really must be right> :/

No, just because our parents say or think something doesn't mean it's true. If I thought like that then I'd be in a far worse condition than I am right now.

[woah.tiffany]

My parents used to be the same way. My dad used to make comments about how pathetic the kids who cut themselves were. And how depressed kids needed to just suck it up and get over the fact that life doesn't revolve around them. I never once told him that I was both depressed and cutting, his remarks made it hard for me to even think about bringing up.

I was hospitalized for trying to kill myself. He asked me then why I never said anything, and I spazed out on him, and told him how I never felt comfortable telling him anything because he made rude comments about everything I was, even if he didn't know it. After that his attitude did change, it took a while for this to happen though. The doctors or myself worked diligently for months trying to explain to him that I had no control over the depression.

Keeping something like this a secret from your mom isn't good. I know it's not easy to talk to someone who takes the subject so lightly. Do try to tell her, explain to her how you feel, let her know that something is wrong. Chances are she only jokes about it because she doesn't understand it. Explain and educate her and she just might change, and you can get the help you need.

[Seeker94]

It sounds to me like her mom is a true bitch :/ only a few who know I cut are against it still accept me and those who know and dont really care completly label me off as a freak or that's how they look at me which only make it worste for me since I still do. The odds are that she should wait until she is 16 or 17 so that way if her mom get's worste about it all she would have to do is walk out on her mom and show her that it is her past and what she was and if she cant except that well then she isnt fit to be a parent. That is just my opinion though