They all hate me. I'm fat and ugly. And my lifes fucked. Can it get any worse?

[1_21Guns]

My whole family literally hate me, all because i've been dragged into some epic argument between them all. So now once again its all my fault even though i've done nothing. I know they're all just mad and i've just been caught up in it all but its killing me, i've never had a strong relationship with my family in the first place, i've always been distant but now it feels like I have no belonging there. I don't fit in anywhere. Not with my family, not with my friends. I'm just an outcast. My mum just called me a mean bitch, and said I was evil for no reason. It doesn't really hurt that much though, i'm immune to most of the pain now.
Then, you can all scream no your not and whatever at me all you want. But to me I am, and I always will be. I can't stand my weight going over 7st, if it does I freak and stop eating completely. But recently i've started eating loads (presumably growing) and I just feel constantly fat. Some days I feel fine about myself, then others I hate it.
And my lifes turned into one big fuck up over the past few days. I've done and said some things I can't say I regret. But in turn its fucked my life up. Made it even more of a mess than it was before. I just want my life to be normal. Not the mess it is. But no, it can't be can it.
I'm tired of this depression, no matter what I do that makes me happy for a while, I still can't forget i'm seriously depressed. Just when I think the 7 years of depression are over, it comes back even worse. I can't win anymore. I'm holding on to something that shouldn't even exist. Its not even really there. I'm just playing the past back hoping its real. But its all just pretend. I need to stop pretending. But I can't. Because thats all i'll ever be. One lie after the next.

[jakeandrew15]

Hey,

Firstly, why does your family always argue?. Your parents arguments is never your fault, so don't beat yourself up about that.

Whats you height?. Seven stone seems like a very low weight.

Could you speak to anyone?, I know you mentioned you don't feel like you belong in your family or friendships, but maybe a aunt or uncle?, maybe even a friend from virtual teen you can't rant too?.

You can ask your teachers whether your school has a support unit (usually the 6th formers or school guidence councellor).

I hope everything gets sorted out for you. Remember if you ever feel suicidal or want to self-harm please, please take the time to contact the links below before making any drastic decisions.

Jake.

http://www.samaritans.org/
Childline - 0800 11 11

[1_21Guns]

Hey,

Firstly, why does your family always argue?. Your parents arguments is never your fault, so don't beat yourself up about that.

Whats you height?. Seven stone seems like a very low weight.

Could you speak to anyone?, I know you mentioned you don't feel like you belong in your family or friendships, but maybe a aunt or uncle?, maybe even a friend from virtual teen you can't rant too?.

You can ask your teachers whether your school has a support unit (usually the 6th formers or school guidence councellor).

I hope everything gets sorted out for you. Remember if you ever feel suicidal or want to self-harm please, please take the time to contact the links below before making any drastic decisions.

Jake.

http://www.samaritans.org/
Childline - 0800 11 11

Why does my family argue? its not my parents. they split last year, which was my fault. i asked my mum to leave my dad. biggest mistake of my life. my family argue because they are all falling apart. everyones been splitting since my parents did. its all my fault.

and i'm about 5' 4"

I could speak to a couple of people, but I don't know who i can even trust anymore, noone really understands much. Or i feel like i'm dumping things on them. Or i just cant talk to them like that anymore.

my school kinda does, and i'm part of that as a mentor. illogical really...

I've been down that road a few times now, both of them. They're nothing new. I don't think i'd ever relapse or do anything that may actually kill me. I've done a couple of things that i knew wouldn't but just hoped maybe they would. But thats another story.

Thanks for your help.

[jakeandrew15]

Why does my family argue? its not my parents. they split last year, which was my fault. i asked my mum to leave my dad. biggest mistake of my life. my family argue because they are all falling apart. everyones been splitting since my parents did. its all my fault.

and i'm about 5' 4"

I could speak to a couple of people, but I don't know who i can even trust anymore, noone really understands much. Or i feel like i'm dumping things on them. Or i just cant talk to them like that anymore.

my school kinda does, and i'm part of that as a mentor. illogical really...

I've been down that road a few times now, both of them. They're nothing new. I don't think i'd ever relapse or do anything that may actually kill me. I've done a couple of things that i knew wouldn't but just hoped maybe they would. But thats another story.

Thanks for your help.

Oops, I thought you said that.

Your mum couldn't of had many feelings for your dad if she could leave him just like that ( dont mean that in a horrible way). So I honestly don't believe that was your fault. Look at the situation in reverse, could you leave your partner that you loved dearly becuase your child told you too?.

Your Body Mass Index results suggest you are a healthy weight, but a few pounds less and you will be underweight. From a boys point of view, I prefer curvey girls too skinny girls. Don't give into peer pressure, be the size you feel healthy in.

Well, in that case, go to your local U21 clinic (not sure if they are just for sexual health) or doctors surgery to be referred too a therapist (and you can ask for your parents to not know).

If you ever feel like that again, make sure you speak to someone and let someone know you are ok afterwards, promise me?.

Jake

[1_21Guns]

Oops, I thought you said that.

Your mum couldn't of had many feelings for your dad if she could leave him just like that ( dont mean that in a horrible way). So I honestly don't believe that was your fault. Look at the situation in reverse, could you leave your partner that you loved dearly becuase your child told you too?.

Your Body Mass Index results suggest you are a healthy weight, but a few pounds less and you will be underweight. From a boys point of view, I prefer curvey girls too skinny girls. Don't give into peer pressure, be the size you feel healthy in.

Well, in that case, go to your local U21 clinic (not sure if they are just for sexual health) or doctors surgery to be referred too a therapist (and you can ask for your parents to not know).

If you ever feel like that again, make sure you speak to someone and let someone know you are ok afterwards, promise me?.

Jake

I understand what you mean with my parents, but she even said when we were arguing later she only left him for my sakes because of how close to the edge i was (even though in actual fact i'd already been off the edge and dragged myself up a couple of times by this point)

and i know, i don't care what people think, I don't feel comfortable when my weight goes over that. I don't know why, I just don't.

And i know that would be the smart thing to do, seeing a doc about my depression a couple of years ago would of been the smart thing to do, but after what i've done they'd have to tell my mum because they'll probably have me locked up on suicide watch.

and yeah i'll talk to someone if i ever get like that again, even if its just posting on here, i promise.

[jakeandrew15]

Good. If you want I'll give you my msn address so if you ever want too chat?. I've gone through, well still going through the same sort of situation as you!.

[CuriousDestruction]

hey Natalie. Let's chat on MSN ok?

[hammo]

Theres this website called bored.com that has lots of neat stuff in it. Anyway, it has a section with hunf=dreds of parables that I got addicted to reading and here are some that I thought may be relevant (although I may be wrong.):yummy:

The Troubles Tree

The carpenter I hired to help me restore an old farmhouse had just finished a rough first day on the job. A flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric saw quit, and now his ancient pickup truck refused to start. While I drove him home, he sat in stoney silence. On arriving, he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands. After opening the door, he underwent an amazing transformation. His tanned face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss. Afterward, he walked me to my car. We passed the tree, and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier. "Oh, that's my trouble tree," he replied. "I know I can't help having troubles on the job, but one thing for sure, troubles don't belong in the house with my wife and the children. So I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home. Then in the morning, I pick them up again." "Funny thing is," he smiled, "when I come out in the morning to pick them up, there aren't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before."
Parable of the Carrot, Egg, and Coffee

You may never look at a CUP OF COFFEE the same way again. A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose. Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?" "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?" Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity--boiling water--but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water. "Which are you?" she asked her daughter. " When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?" Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart? Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you can get better and change the situation around you with God's help. How do you handle adversity? When adversity strikes, ask yourself...ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?
Information Please

When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember well the polished old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother used to talk to it. Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person - her name was "Information Please" and there was nothing she did not know. "Information Please" could supply anybody's number and the correct time. My first personal experience with this genie-in-the-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer. The pain was terrible, but there didn't seem to be any reason in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy. I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway. The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear. "Information Please," I said into the mouthpiece just above my head. A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear. "Information." "I hurt my finger. . ." I wailed into the phone. The tears came readily enough now that I had an audience. "Isn't your mother home?" came the question. "Nobody's home but me." I blubbered. "Are you bleeding?" "No," I replied. "I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts." "Can you open your icebox?" she asked. I said I could. "Then chip off a little piece of ice and hold it to your finger," said the voice. After that, I called "Information Please" for everything. I asked her for help with my geography and she told me where Philadelphia was. She helped me with my math. She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in the park just the day before would eat fruits and nuts. Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary died. I called "Information Please" and told her the sad story. She listened, then said the usual things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was un-consoled. I asked her, "Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?" She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, "Paul, always remember that there are other worlds to sing in." Somehow I felt better. Another day I was on the telephone. "Information Please." "Information," said the now familiar voice. "How do you spell fix?" I asked. All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest. When I was 9 years old, we moved across the country to Boston. I missed my friend very much. "Information Please" belonged in that old wooden box back home, and I somehow never thought of trying the tall, shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall. As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me. Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy. A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in Seattle. I had about half an hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown operator and said, "Information, Please". Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well, "Information." I hadn't planned this but I heard myself saying, "Could you please tell me how to spell fix?" There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, "I guess your finger must have healed by now." I laughed. "So it's really still you,' I said. "I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time." "I wonder", she said, "if you know how much your calls meant to me. I never had any children, and I used to look forward to your calls." I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister. "Please do, she said. "Just ask for Sally." Three months later I was back in Seattle. A different voice answered "Information." I asked for Sally. "Are you a friend?" She said. "Yes, a very old friend," I answered. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, she said. Sally had been working part-time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago." Before I could hang up she said, "Wait a minute. Did you say your name was Paul?" "Yes." "Well, Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down in case you called. Let me read it to you." The note said, "Tell him I still say there are other worlds to sing in. He'll know what I mean." I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant. Never underestimate the impression you may make on others.
Footprints

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD. When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life. This greatly bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it. "LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me." The LORD replied, "My precious, precious child. I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you."The Obstacle in our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the kirig's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the king for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the king indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand. Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.