Help Me? Please...

[screamtobeheard]

I used to be "normal". I was one of those girls who was perfect, as far as anyone was concerned. I got straight As, played sports, did musicals, and everybody liked me. At home, I got everything I could possibly want and I'll admit that I was spoiled, although I honestly think that all that did was damage me.

But now, I don't know what's wrong with me. I burn myself out. I'm always tired. School stresses me. I have so much pressure to keep getting As and I feel like I'm letting everyone down if I don't. I'm captain of swim team and I have a lot of pressure because I'm only a sophomore so if I f*** up one little thing the whole team will be after me and I can't handle that stress. The one person I could tell everything just left my school and now I feel alone. At home, I get yelled at for absolutely everything, even when I do what I'm supposed to. And if I say anything to defend myself, I get a lecture on how my life is amazing and so many other teenagers would kill to have it. I know it's true and I feel so bad because I don't want the material things. All I really want is somebody to care or even try to understand, but that's the only thing I can't get. I'd give everything I have just for that.

Every day I feel like I'm just walking around and performing actions, but I'm not really living. I can fake a smile and pretend to be happy, and everyone is content to believe that I'm fine, and it hurts to know that my "friends" can't see through my fake smile.

And then there's the fact that I cut. I can't help it, because I can't control anything in my life since my parents are overbearing. But I feel like I have power over something when I cut and when I get angry and no one understands, it helps me forget. The only problem is that I don't want to and when I do, it makes me feel better for awhile, then I feel guilty. I hide them and no one finds out, but I still feel like one of those cliché attention seekers so I just feel worse.

What's wrong with me? Please help, because I'm so confused.

[Marcie]

I'm defiantly not the wisest person around, but I don't think there's really anything wrong with you, all that seems like 'normal' teen stuff.
Everybody deals with stress, of course some people will have a greater amount of stress, but it's normal.
I'm kinda in the same position, I have a lot of pressure to keep getting A's, the only friend I thought I could tell everything too stabbed me in the back, several times, and I get the same lecture from my parents...
I can understand, or at least as much as one outside your mind can, your reason for cutting, I've done it for the same reason on several occasions..

If you ever want to talk to someone, vent, or rant about random stuff stressing you out and such, you can E-mail me/PM me. I'll be ready to listen and help where I can.

[CuriousDestruction]

the stress of school and extra-curricular activities are some of the most stressful things you will ever have in your life, this is documented. i don't think you are an attention seeker, you seem to get plenty of attention, for better or for worse, as it is. i do think you are very stressed out as you have said.

it is really unhealthy to take on too many tasks at once and burn ourselves out. it is bad for our mental health and our physical well being. i know it's hard but i STRONGLY recommend you drop a few extra-curriculars and stuff. it reduces stress in ways you wouldn't believe. i'm sorry you get yelled at for everything. if this is your parents who yell at you there are many ways to get them to stop. 1st, and my personal favorite, is to snap back. quite literally tell them to shut up and listen for once. i know you probably love them very much but they sound like they are yelling too much. if they love you back they will listen to what you have to say. Another way is to write them both letters telling them how you feel and that despite having a good life it is incredibly stressful and harder than they know. that's a lot easier and probably safer.

A great way to deal with the stress for yourself is to see a therapist. they help A LOT. just getting all this stuff off your chest will make you feel better. i also recommend trying to talk to your friends. if they care about you they will listen to you and be there for you.

lastly, i understand the need to cut. it can give you a rush and let you regain control. but it is incredibly unhealthy for you. it can cause tons of problems long and short term. i highly recommend you try to stop or tell a counselor about it. i hope this really long post has helped a little bit and feel free to PM me if you wanna talk more. i'm going to stop typing now because my fingers are hurting from writing all of this. *pulls out advil* :)

[dstnyisurs]

Try asking your parents to stop and consider the pressures they put on you. Now, it seems they will lecture you on how you are lucky and should take the oppertunities and talents givin to you, in which now is when you retaliate that it isn't your fault you have more oppertunities and ended up luckier then most teens. Just because you have oppertunities doesn't mean you're immune to stress and overburning. This may result in an argument, but it's important for your parent's to realize that you have feelings and, as the cutting proves, a breaking point.

Everyone expects you to be perfect becuase you put out the front that you are, it seems. Though it may be hard, the thing to do would be to turn away from what others are thinking about you. People will always have opinions about you and you can't control what they think. Turning the opposite way is the best way to deal with the pressures. No one's opinion of you matters except for yours.

I would recommend for your swim team, having some sort of talk with your team in which you can say to them that you feel very pressured by them, and though it's your responsibility to lead the group, you are going to make mistakes and instead of their critisim, you need their support just like you give them your support. You're the leader, not the scapegoat.

I know saying these things is hard, but you need to do it, beccause the cutting will only get worse and worse if you don't fix the stress. It's one huge snowball effect and will keep getting bigger and bigger unti lyou can't handle it. I've been there, and the belief that I am never ever good enough is a major factor in why I cut today and the self hate I feel.

Please try to head this stuff off. You can do it, you jsut need to take a deep breath and scream, and let people know that you're human and you'll break if you're bent too far.

[Amyxoxo]

Well I just have to say that reading that sounded like I was literly reading my diary so I can really empathise with how you feel!
Anyways, what is really important is your grades at school. No matter how much you want everything else or whatever but you will not get anywhere with out them.
Well im not going to try to justify cutting or burning but mabie if you do it on your arms or something then could you do it somewhere else just until you can stop.
I know that it is hard trying to keep up appearences but can you go and see a shrink or something. You can tell them everything and best thing is that they can help you big time.
Tell your parents that you dont want all of that stuff anymore, give all of the stuff you dont want away. Clearing out your room can clear out your life, start again.
People need to realise that you are only human, only so much should be expected. But really would they say things if they didnt mean it, Im sure you can get your A's if you wanted. I dont believe that your hearts in it though.
Talk to your parents, tell them you feel so preasured. But try and control something else because this isnt good for you.
Im here for you if anytime you need to talk.
Amy xx

[screamtobeheard]

Thank you so much everybody for understanding and for your suggestions. I'll try to take your suggestions and hopefully confront some people