My Story - Am I the only one?

[NothingToLose]

I am a cutter. And I want to just clarify, before I explain my situation, that my cutting now, is in no way related to trying to end my life.
Here is my story.

I have been bullied at school ever since I was a small child, all the way through my younger years people would shout stuff at me and just not include me. This is mainly because I am reasonably clever, try hard at school, speak my mind, ginger and wear glasses. Its petty but true. Then when I moved up to my secondary school, I made some friends finally. However these friends were false, and treated me like shit (bad language sorry!). I also got bullied by plenty of people at the school. Near the end of my first year I had a boyfriend, which made me crazy happy, but then on the last day of school, I found out the relationship had been faked to take the piss outta me. That night I went home and tried to hang myself, my rope snapped.

Sadly 6 months before I got the boyfriend, I had been self harming, cutting and beating, no one ever noticed, no one even cared. When I met my boyfriend I stopped and only did it on really bad days. In the six weeks of holidays we got off school, I carried on the self harm, getting deep, but making sure I didn't make permanent marks.

Two weeks before returning to school, I tried to end my life again, this time trying to slit my wrists. I told one of my best friends of that time about that incident, and she blabbed, to everyone. Now at school I am known as the 'Emo' girl who tried to kill herself. Sadly no one is nice about it, they all make fun of me, this again triggers the self harm.

Luckily I have gained confidence since that first year and don't self harm as much as I used too, yet I have an obsession about other peoples stories, and online cutting clubs, I have to see I am not the only one. Recently I found out my friend was anorexic/bulimic and self harms too, I talked to her for about 20 minutes today about it, and realised I am not as bad as her. I think she should stop everything she does, however I don't think I can ever stop.

Please write your stories below and help me understand I am not the only one. And if you have any links, please give them me, I am worried about my friend joining online cutting clubs.

Thanks for reading my story
Stevie x

[Amyxoxo]

Well firstly, YOUR NOT ALONE!!!!
Secondly im glad to hear that you have started to cut down/stop. : )
Also you should help your friend, how about try stopping together?

Well really a lot of things happened to me before i started self harming, really i dont understand how i managed to cope with out it.
I started off at about doing not really cuts but scrapes with pens and things. Nothing serious but it did leave a few big scars. Then it sort of progressed into using a shallow razor blade. Then pregressed a few stages and now im using a sharpener blade :/
There is a big long story behind it all, but please if you want to know just give me a quick PM and we can talk : ) xx

[Fiction]

No your not alone. I started self-harming when i was 12. I don't really know why. It wasn't a regualr thing. This summer i had lots of problems with friends and relationships and started drinking. I also scratched myself alot. I had a small blip around october time wheer i overdosed. I have since burnt, bruised, scratched and bitten. Your not alone.

[Eclipse]

You're definitely not alone. I know about 11 people who self-harm, no joke. some for attention, some for real reasons. I started last year, because of my disorder (Trichotillomania (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trichotillomania)) which caused me to hate my appearance, hair, eyelashes, and finally, the person I was. I was always teased and bullied, now I stopped harming, and have control of the disorder, but now I have insomnia, which suuuuuuuuucks.

[CuriousDestruction]

you aren't alone. and i'm glad you are sharing your stories with us and trying not to self-harm. if you wanna talk about these online cutting clubs and such you can PM me.

[Permanence]

I used to be a chronic self harmer and was hospitalised multiple times for lengthy periods as a result of doing so. Eventually it stopped being a release for me and I no longer needed to do it. I tried to, but the pain was just too much whereas before I didn't feel any pain at all.

I used to be a member of a cutting forum back then, and it was the only one of it's kind at the time. I enjoyed reading peoples stories and there would occasionally be videos posted of people cutting, but I could never watch these as it repulsed me. Like you, I also felt the need to stop my friend from cutting, but I felt like such a hypocrite for doing so.

It has been a long time since I started cutting and it's been about 6 years since my first hospitalisation. I think one of the major parts of surviving self harm for me was having over 2 years of cognitive behavioural therapy and medication. Things do get better but you have to have the will in yourself to do so.

[Seeker94]

I'm in the same boat as you NTL I am constantly bullied and have been bullied for around 3 years now but I just started cutting last summer because I felt just how good it was. The only problem was that I hadnt cut in deppression I was showing my ex girlfriend how it felt to me when she knew I cut but it was also the fact that it was out of deppression or so I learned later because I kept doing it. I still cut to this day because I am constantly critisized by people calling me fag, homo, ect. not to mention people constantly throwing things such as rocks, pens, money (pennies, dimes, ect.) any many other things. I have come to a place where I constantly want a fight but when it comes down to it I realize that it is a wrong choice but I still want to fight to prove that I'm not just a fat ass which is well kinda true but it still gives noone the right to judge me. I have contemplated suicide on more then one occasion but keep it to myself....I have thought of all four ways hanging, OD, Guns, and slitting my wrists but I havent been able to go more then a couple of months without cutting before the pain, anger, and agony get to me. I guess you could say it all started when my ex girlfriends brother busted my lip after telling me to come to her friends house which caused me to lose all trust in her from then on. I soon tried to go back out with her even though what she had done then she led me on for 2 weeks so I finally decided to give up on her and move on so she cant cause anymore harm to my already fucked (sorry for the language) up life. I sit here alone as people pass me by and say they care but in the end do they? Do they really care?

[BeautifulDisaster]

I've been a self harmer since I was 7, I have been sectioned from how severe the behaviors have gotten, & I've had countless hospital admissions because of how severe it got.

I, like you, have also been bullied, for many years, I'm no longer at school now, but I get bullied still...

The severity of my self harming has definitely decreased, it still remains a major difficulty, but it is not as severe as it was.

I go on other forums & millions out there self harm, and so many of them do so because of being bullied.

You're not the only one, at all.

If you ever want to talk, PM me.
xx

[xBrokenAngelx]

I found it so touching reading your stories.

Stevie - your not alone.
It really broke my heart hearing how you tried to kill yourself and how nasty your boyfriend was for just doing it as a joke?
There will be somebody out there who is perfect for you, one day when you least expect it, they'll be there. Trust me.

I have self harmed for 6 years now.
Its horrible, i have alot of scars on my arms, some of which will never go away.

I havent joined many cutting groups online, although i've had alot of counceling, and been perscribed anti-depresents from the doctor, which for a long time i refused to take.

It would be nice to chat to some people on here, make new friends & support each other?
I use hotmail alot and regularly check my emails.
[email protected]

I also am on facebook!!

Sinead
xxxx

[the jeffrey]

Im sorry if im not supposed to post here because I don't cut or self harm but I do have suicidal thoughts and I have tried many times to cut or burn myself and every time I do I just can't do it and I get picked on at school a lot and most of the friends I had were not real friends they started to pic on me to so I stopped talking to them and a girl in school was a really good friend to me for 4 or 5 years and during junior high we just stopped talking and I got so depresed and I almost hung myself but I thought about it and realized that there would be no point and cutting myself would just cause more deppresion and you are not alone and you chould try and stop your friend from cutting and try to stop cutting yourself and when you do think to yourself what will you accomplish if you do

[Aspiringanonymous]

Old thread, and OP is unregistered now so, :locked:

Please be mindful of post dates before replying to threads next time, thanks!