Dont know what to do.

[Tonymaruso]

I was in chilliwack last nigt doing the one thing I used to enjoy, target shooting. The one thing I'm good at, I was in the back getting more ammo and I heard a shot, my buddy was with me so I thought nothing of it. I walked around the corner and I saw my best friend if 7 years laying in the ground, he never seemed to be the slightest bit depressed. Now I have no idea what to do I drove him to the hospital but they told me nothing could be done. I don't know what to do he used my gun, my head is just spining like crazy. I don't know what to do to stop it. I know it wasn't my fault but I can't stop thinking it was. Please any help is appreciated.


Cheers Anthony.

[Inconvenience]

time will cure everything. well, u've gotta work on urself. like convincing urself it's none of ur fault. it's gonna be hard for start, but time will wash away everything :)

[Tonymaruso]

I know time fixed everything but right now i don't feel like I have time. He used my gun to kill himself at this point I don't think or belive that time will fix this. I just want to end it all right now.

[Inconvenience]

I know time fixed everything but right now i don't feel like I have time. He used my gun to kill himself at this point I don't think or belive that time will fix this. I just want to end it all right now.

u know it aint gonna happen. i know it's hard, but try to pull urself together. there's nothing u can do with it, so don't cry over spillen milk.. be strong ;)

[Tonymaruso]

This isn't spilt milk, I can't belive you would try to downplay something like this. My best friend killed himself with my gun. How can I not think it's my fault.

[Inconvenience]

This isn't spilt milk, I can't belive you would try to downplay something like this. My best friend killed himself with my gun. How can I not think it's my fault.

ur friend sounds kinda selfish ;) but it's not all about this..
U can think about this what happened, but u shouldn't blame yourself. it's for your own good kid ;)

ok let me ask y, is there anythink u feel pity for? like do u regret doing something u have done?

[Blood]

I'm really sorry to hear about your best friend ):. The only advise I can give you would be to keep reasurring yourself that what happpened wasnt your fault. It was your friends choice. And i know that can be hard. Keep strong and feel free to PM me if you want/need to vent or talk.

[CuriousDestruction]

That's awful, i'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you are going through right now. Death can affect us all very strongly, especially the deaths of those whom we love. i know you know it isn't your fault, but i'm going to say it again because it's true. IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT. i'm sorry your friend chose to take his life. but you have to stay strong for him. you have to move on with life, that's what he would of wanted. I'm not saying don't mourn his death, but don't dwell on it for too long. i also suggest seeing a grief counselor. this can be a very traumatic experience, and it sounds like it has been. again, i'm very sorry. PM me if you wanna talk.

[emt.Cam]

@Inconvenience- Honestly, you're not helping, and calling his friend "selfish" is completely disrespectful.

I'm sorry to hear this Anthony, this must be very hard for you. You should not blame yourself for this, as you had no control of this. I'm sure he would want you to continue on strongly and be positive although it is going to be hard. I agree as you should get counseling as you may get PTSD. to help with your feelings. I'm here if you need to talk, be strong and vent as much as you can as you shouldn't bare all this on yourself.

[Tonymaruso]

Thank you, I know it wasn't my fault but he used my gun. I just can't help but feel responsible for it. I just don't know what to do right now. I saw my counsler today but he basically told me to forget it and move on, I know eventualy I will be able to come to terms with what happened but for him to tell me to forget about it. I'm just not sur how to deal with it.


Cheers Anthony

[BeautifulDisaster]

Dave, you are extremely insensitive, ignorant, and not helping, can you not see that?

This person needs support, which clearly you cannot provide.


Anthony, it is not your fault he has done this.

Yes, he used your gun, but that does not put you at fault.

He did choose to do this... I don't think anything would have changed this outcome if he was really set on it.

I had a good friend who killed himself.
I do not see him as selfish, more as someone who was in that much pain, that much desperation, that they felt they needed to do that... just to escape from it.
I think it is selfish that those "left behind" are focusing more on how they are feeling, how selfish it was, rather than focusing on what he was feeling, and how desperate he was, and so fragile, and suffering... to do such a thing...

But, that's my opinion.


Honestly sweetheart, it isn't your fault.


It will feel better with time, I know it may feel like it won't, but I promise it will.

You just have to ride this out... as impossible as it may seem...


Your counselor sounds terrible.
I'd advise finding a new one, or being referred to a mental health professional, perhaps a therapist.


I'm always here if you want to chat.

[Kaius]

First off, Im sorry for your loss, its an extremely hard thing for someone of any age to go through. My best friend died in a hit and run accident 3 years ago this month, Before he died, he made me promise him he would be ok, ten minutes later he was gone. Even now, after 3 years i still blame myself for what happened, but what keeps my mind at peace is that it was out of my control. Im not comparing myself to your case whatsoever, i know its not the same. But Anthony, time really is a healer. It wont take the pain away, but it will slowly ease. It may possibly be a good idea to seek a new counsellor out if you have not already done so, as it may help more than your current one. He doesn't sound at all as supportive as he should be. Just take each day as it comes, and remember it was out of your control.

If you ever need to talk, feel free to pm me at any time, i hope this helps.

[Tonymaruso]

Thank you all so much for the advise, it's helping quite a bit just to be reassured that it was out of my control and not my fault. Now I neednto figure out what to do with the one gun he used. :(

[Tonymaruso]

My friends funeral is in 2 days and a friend of mine in the states has sugested I put the gun in his casket with him I don't know if I will, what do you guys think. At first I thought it would be sort of insensitive. Please te me what you think.


Cheers Anthony

[BeautifulDisaster]

I don't think you should... perhaps something more sentimental?
A poem... a letter... something he liked exceptionally well...etc?

[Mattasaur94]

Putting a gun with him is a terrible idea.
It would represent an instrument of death (sorry for insensitivity there).
Your Therapist sounds like a complete jerk.
You can't just forget about your friend, thats the worst thing you can do. Forgetting about him, whilst numbing the pain, is one of the worst ways to go about grieving.
Your friend shouldn't have done it, but, sometimes some people don't give you the chance to help them, it sucks, it really does, knowing that your just that bit too late to stop it.
It's not your fault. Don't be to harsh on yourself.

If your going to place something with him, I would go a picture (stereotypically), some flowers, a poem/song (As Aimee suggested) and/or something that was sentimental.

*nods*

[Pirate]

Thank you, I know it wasn't my fault but he used my gun. I just can't help but feel responsible for it. I just don't know what to do right now. I saw my counsler today but he basically told me to forget it and move on, I know eventualy I will be able to come to terms with what happened but for him to tell me to forget about it. I'm just not sur how to deal with it.



I don't know how helpful this will be, but I'll give it a bash.
If this were me, and it's going to be hard but stay with me, this is what I would do.
You aren't going to forget this or your friend any day soon and it's ridiculous to assume that you could or would.
Take the time, as horrible or painful as it may feel, to celebrate your friend's life. It's going to hurt, and you still won't understand why everything happened but they deserve it. And later on, it'll be easier for you.
Remember the good times, the bad and everything in between. Go through everything, and then collect a box of important memories and throw the rest away; whether this is in your mind, in real life, or even both.

I dealt with a loss a year ago (Nothing to this scale though) but that's what I did and it was hard but it got me through.
Now, whenever I feel like remembering him or I feel a bit down, I have this box of memories to go through without over whelming myself.

I know you feel responsible and that's understandable and you know, I would as well. But it's not productive. You need to treasure the life YOU have every day.
Hope that was a help, pm if you need anything at all. Even just a ramble. xxxx

[Tonymaruso]

Thank you all, the gun isn't going in the casket.

[Beautiful Obsession]

Sorry for your loss. but you cant blame yourself, even if he did kill himself with your gun. there is nothing you could have done, whether it was your gun or anybody elses gun, he obviously had every intention of killing himself, i know its hard, and it wont get any easier for a while, youv just lost someone in your life, but you will get over this, you just need to accept it isnt your fault. x