i hate myself..

[Asylum]

i was anoerixic... still am... made myself throw up for 2 weeks stright... stopped... this was last year.. tongiht ... i was soo upset.. i am sort of jealous of my boyfriends ex.. she's pretty has no self harm scars, perfectly normal and chipperr/.... when i look into the mirror i see fat, and scars.. i've been stress eating, and eating mroe lately. i now weigh 113. i gaind 2 pounds... not good... i knwo tis is bad... but i'm not going to eat tomorrow... tomorrow i am fasting for a friend. and myself. and also i'm eating less now... i know its bad... but i'm seriously just saying how i feel.... i've bee getting into rows wit m boyfriend lately... and well... tonight he mentioned somethig about his ex jokingly sayig she wanted to make out wth him... we've been losig the feelng we had or each othr... i still care s much for him...i got so angry at myelf.. i blame myself for everything... and i just feel so fat and ugly i made myself throw up. it felt good. it hurt a bit but it had that satifaction of losing weight to it... i'm sorryi know its awful what i'm saying... now im afraid i'll stat to do this.... i mean afte i got myself to throw up, i went back inot m bed to cry myself tos sleep. but then i noticed m feeligns are getting better... but i still want to throw up... i hate myself ... i deserve pain... and i'm extrememyl fat :( hey... btter then cutting... at least.... maybe? ok not really, but at least this won't scar me.... gahhh!! wha am isaying.... i shouldn't be thinking these thnoughts... i was thinking about falling off buildings earlier, and drowning mostly drownig... over dsing on pills. i'm not suicidal nymore... just morbid thoughts.... my uncle commmited suicide a few moths ago... and well my feelings... well.. yea... but i'm not choosing to kill myself ... thats nott te paht i will follow... ijust maybe with self imprvment.. like losing more weight will make me feel bettter about myself... sory for rant....

[Mr. Smithers]

I'm proud of you for letting this all out. You are not afraid, or scared to let other people know your problems. My advice for you is to stop forcing yourself to vomit. You might think it's better than cutting, by the way, I'm so proud of you for stopping cutting, but it's not. Being underweight is not healthy. We are always here to help you. Don't feel bad to cry either. Crying is very good. Have you ever thought of drawing, or writing a journal?

[Asylum]

the reason i'm comfortable with letting my feelings out is nobody knows mee but two people on thissite.. in real life.. . and i tell them everytign... they are the only people i can tlk to ... yes... i do write semtiems... i havne't 100% stpped yet so far almost 2 weeks. i'm trying not there yet.. i know... i hsound't vomit.. yea i cry a lot...

[Severus Snape]

Aww, don't hate yourself! You are a beautiful young woman with a bright future, to be sure. You just seem to have several issues that can be addressed and corrected with some help

[Asylum]

thanx Ryan i hope they will be fixed in the future

[Country-Cowgirl]

Your not fat and your defiantly not ugly. if you want fat my weight can go from 130 (recommended weight for my hight) up to 160 in a month and it takes me a little while to get back to 130 (like a week to a half). Maybe have you tried training? Its just another way to maintain your weight and relieve stress or anger. dont be overly critical of yourself. there is nothing wrong with you the way you are and I think you should tell your boyfriend that what he said hurt and bothered you.

[Asylum]

Missy, i knwo i'm not fat, but saying that to someone with an eating disorder is pointless... i will still se and believe myself as fat... i knwo i'm not... but i think i am.. if that makes sense.. i can't help self critisim whe i have no cofidence. no i havne.t and things are bter now

[metal101]

I'm a little over weight too but thats no reason to hate yourself. You should be proud of the person you are. There is lots of info on the internet on how to lose a little weight. I now drink alot more water instead of soft drinks.

[foof1]

Instead of severe dieting and throwing-up, it's better to come up with a healthy exercise routine. Maybe you could go jogging or maybe take up a sport. Not only will you feel the satisfaction of knowing that you're keeping yourself in shape, exercising produces andorphines, which are hormones that just make you feel happy.

[LovelessNightmare]

Oh common you're pretty,I have bad acne,get tease,fall down and then just dust myself off....things will soon fall into place.....:-)

[Asylum]

i'm healthy, i weigh like 111 lbs... and i'm ike 5"5-5"6 some where around there.. andi do exercise. i only drink water and tea (plain tea ometmes with honey most just plain) , i dislike sugary drinks... never liked them.. i am aware throwig up and sevre dieting is bad... but i feellike i can't help it whe i can . .i guess i'm really insecure... no there are other things i hate about myself, lik my scars.... and the fact taht i'm so woried about my looks am i that vain? gr.... like i shouldnt care aout my looks so much, i feel selfish.... however this is the only thing i've ever really card abot mysefl with... idk.. its hard to write out wht i mean... i'm sorry i'm being confsuig..