1_21Guns
February 3rd, 2010, 05:45 PM
I can't go anywhere without a million and one questions swirling around me head, mixing into eachother, confusing me, pulling me down. Questions about what I really want, who I am, what i'm doing with my life, why i did the things i've done. Everything that could possibly be running through my mind is, constantly.
I just want to give up, I have everything else I could possibly want at the moment, but its not enough.
Everything seems to go wrong apart from the odd thing.
The weeks seem to fly by, its like i'm just watching me throw my own life away and its just falling apart. I'm literally just living for the weekend, two days where I can rest and attempt to have some life for a while.
Its never enough though. Nothing will ever be enough to properly save me, i'm just always going to be on the edge, making excuses to stop me from cutting, giving up, at the moment, all the ones I used to have just seem to fall away too. Finding things out, watching them unfold and crumble away.
I can't trust anyone anymore, everytime i seem to trust someone, suddenly its shattered and gone.
Maybe its time to give up, stop being a thorn in everyones side. I clearly do more harm than good to people. People are going about saying i've done things i haven't. Am I really that horrible?
Must be.
I don't know what I want anymore, and I don't know what to do. I can't even rely on cutting to get rid of this feeling even more now than ever because someone will find out, I can't hold much in anymore.
Theres nowhere left to hide anymore.
I just want it to stop, the thoughts, the pain, the depression, everything.
I've been depressed since I was 8. Maybe its too late to save me now. ;/
I just want to give up, I have everything else I could possibly want at the moment, but its not enough.
Everything seems to go wrong apart from the odd thing.
The weeks seem to fly by, its like i'm just watching me throw my own life away and its just falling apart. I'm literally just living for the weekend, two days where I can rest and attempt to have some life for a while.
Its never enough though. Nothing will ever be enough to properly save me, i'm just always going to be on the edge, making excuses to stop me from cutting, giving up, at the moment, all the ones I used to have just seem to fall away too. Finding things out, watching them unfold and crumble away.
I can't trust anyone anymore, everytime i seem to trust someone, suddenly its shattered and gone.
Maybe its time to give up, stop being a thorn in everyones side. I clearly do more harm than good to people. People are going about saying i've done things i haven't. Am I really that horrible?
Must be.
I don't know what I want anymore, and I don't know what to do. I can't even rely on cutting to get rid of this feeling even more now than ever because someone will find out, I can't hold much in anymore.
Theres nowhere left to hide anymore.
I just want it to stop, the thoughts, the pain, the depression, everything.
I've been depressed since I was 8. Maybe its too late to save me now. ;/