Why are you sad?

[appl3kill]

here is a open page to express what you feel

[BeautifulDisaster]

I wouldn't say I'm "sad".

But, I am feeling suicidally depressed & apathetic & distant & angry & torn inside because of many things happening for me at the moment.

I'd rather take a bunch of my narcotics than to be lucid & in reality.

I'm tired of the abuse, neglect, the memories, images, thoughts, feelings, the vivid dreams(or rather nightmares) that when I wake up, I feel so disoriented, the hopelessness inside, the medical problems I'm having, & since 2008, I'm still having to wait for a damn diagnosis&treatment, I'm also so damn tired of having people clearly be ignorant & misunderstanding of how ill I am, the shit inside me that doesn't seem to vanish, no matter how hard I try & how hard I fight, it doesn't seem to let the fuck up & get the hell out of me.

I held my sister's hamster while she died on Monday, it was so upsetting, brought back a lot of feelings, memories, when my last two, Baby & Baby Junior, passed away.

I'm having a lot of conflicts on forums right now, nothing new there though.

I'm having very heated arguments almost daily with someone who is a surrogate father to me, or... was, I'm not sure what we are anymore, we seem to be worst enemies a lot of the time since around the end of December last year.
It seems me & him have fallen completely apart, & it only seems to be getting worse, despite attempts to make it better.
I have a lot of issues that make this harder on me, (I am very co dependent on him, & I honestly feel without him, I will be dead) so it's not as easy nor as simple as "just get over it" or "you'll be fine, it's just *such & such*.
Those sort of comments really down play what I'm going through, & I hate it when people truly don't understand just what is going on.

This is why I firmly believe in my quote in my signature.
& I also believe if people don't understand something, shut your mouth, it's only going to make things worse for the person & if you want that, you need some serious help.

Anyway, ramble over, I appreciate it if anyone bothered to read this.

[DrkZ90]

I wouldn't say sad... more like depressed and suicidal perhaps...

A "friend", the one I would say is the closest one to a real friend I have, just had the most homophobic reaction I've ever seen (it was all over IM)...

Wanted to, but I won't really go into any details, I don't wanna make a fool of myself more than I already have...