Englishrose
January 28th, 2010, 04:46 PM
Okay, so while I have pretty much set my mind on this, I still wanted to see what other people would do if they were in my situation and whether they think I am right or wrong in my current actions.
So I have known this particular friend for as long as I can remember. We grew up together and were really close. However, at about the age of 15 we became a bit of chalk and cheese. I was pretty much focused on school, and just having fun, nothing too serious. My friend on the other hand got in with a bad crowd, she started drinking heavily and also experimenting with drugs. She also started arguing with her father, who is an alcoholic, and she often ran away from home.
However, she was one of my best friends, we were still quite close even though we were going in completely different directions. I stuck by her when a lot of our other friends gave up on her. Every time she needed someone to talk to I would be there, and I'd often go out late at night and pick her up from wherever she was that night and make sure she got home safely. When her boyfriend used to beat her, it would be me she would ring, and me who would call the police and the ambulance and take her back to my house. In other words I did everything I possibly could for her. Whenever she self-harmed I cleaned her up, made sure she was okay. In simple terms I'd like to think I looked out for her.
As we grew up to around 17 I was finishing my A-levels and she finally started to sort her life out. She got out of her bad relationships, she stopped doing the drugs, she lowered the amount she drank to a reasonable amount, she stopped self-harming. She was getting her life back on track. She enrolled in college for the next year and I was getting my friend back instead of being a nanny towards her.
She slipped off the path a few times but I was there every single time, sometimes for months at a time she would disappear, I wouldn't hear a thing, she'd come back, be back at square one, but we would work through it together.
So, at the age of 18 she was still what I call recovering, but she was doing well. I was at Uni and my previous ties had loosened with me moving to another city (close by, half an hour). Me and my friend kept in closish contact, but I was making new friends and they never saw why I kept helping, but I did.
However, in the last few months, she had been doing so well previously, I'd actually thought maybe we were at the end, she'd grown out of it, but she fell yet again and this time much worse than ever. She was being arrested by the police, heavily using drugs and abusing alcohol. The difference this time is in all previous times she has known she needs help, and had actively looked for it. This time around she thinks she is in the right. She doesn't want my help anymore.
And here comes where I want to know if I'm right or wrong. I actually think I can't help anymore. I've been looking out for her for years, but we are older now, practically adults. I've got my own life to live. I've got my own troubles to worry about, yes they are simple in comparison, but they are mine. So, I haven't cut all contact, if she needs me to talk to, I'm more than happy, but everything else I used to do for her, I can't do it anymore.
So, I need a bit of advice here. Am I right to just let her sort herself out for once. I've tried my best for years, should I try again? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
So I have known this particular friend for as long as I can remember. We grew up together and were really close. However, at about the age of 15 we became a bit of chalk and cheese. I was pretty much focused on school, and just having fun, nothing too serious. My friend on the other hand got in with a bad crowd, she started drinking heavily and also experimenting with drugs. She also started arguing with her father, who is an alcoholic, and she often ran away from home.
However, she was one of my best friends, we were still quite close even though we were going in completely different directions. I stuck by her when a lot of our other friends gave up on her. Every time she needed someone to talk to I would be there, and I'd often go out late at night and pick her up from wherever she was that night and make sure she got home safely. When her boyfriend used to beat her, it would be me she would ring, and me who would call the police and the ambulance and take her back to my house. In other words I did everything I possibly could for her. Whenever she self-harmed I cleaned her up, made sure she was okay. In simple terms I'd like to think I looked out for her.
As we grew up to around 17 I was finishing my A-levels and she finally started to sort her life out. She got out of her bad relationships, she stopped doing the drugs, she lowered the amount she drank to a reasonable amount, she stopped self-harming. She was getting her life back on track. She enrolled in college for the next year and I was getting my friend back instead of being a nanny towards her.
She slipped off the path a few times but I was there every single time, sometimes for months at a time she would disappear, I wouldn't hear a thing, she'd come back, be back at square one, but we would work through it together.
So, at the age of 18 she was still what I call recovering, but she was doing well. I was at Uni and my previous ties had loosened with me moving to another city (close by, half an hour). Me and my friend kept in closish contact, but I was making new friends and they never saw why I kept helping, but I did.
However, in the last few months, she had been doing so well previously, I'd actually thought maybe we were at the end, she'd grown out of it, but she fell yet again and this time much worse than ever. She was being arrested by the police, heavily using drugs and abusing alcohol. The difference this time is in all previous times she has known she needs help, and had actively looked for it. This time around she thinks she is in the right. She doesn't want my help anymore.
And here comes where I want to know if I'm right or wrong. I actually think I can't help anymore. I've been looking out for her for years, but we are older now, practically adults. I've got my own life to live. I've got my own troubles to worry about, yes they are simple in comparison, but they are mine. So, I haven't cut all contact, if she needs me to talk to, I'm more than happy, but everything else I used to do for her, I can't do it anymore.
So, I need a bit of advice here. Am I right to just let her sort herself out for once. I've tried my best for years, should I try again? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.