Why do I do this to myself?

[chelsay13]

Why do I put myself through hell? I push myself into self harm, depression, and high anxiety. I did it to myself and then i can't get out of it. why? why do I have to? It's my fault I'm an idiot. It's my fault i push myself into school work, just to get A's excessively. I screw myself up....I drive myself crazy? Why...?

And today, I got so upset that I scratched my arms with my pencil, stupid, I know. It felt so good....I want to do it again...but this time, worse. Not with a pencil...if you know what I mean....

I don't understand Why I can know how bad I'm screwing myself up, but I still do it.

I don't get why I push myself until I'm depressed or i have an anxiety attack.

[Asylum]

honey, your not crazy, stupid, or a skrew up.... everyone falls sometimes... but we have to pick ourselves up... PM me... wsounds like you need to talk to someone. don't hurt yourself tehre are better ways... i know its hard. but there is hopeur depressed and have anxiety, because its just the way you are... its not yoru fault.. i feeel yea... i'm the same way.. i odn't understand why... but hey its got some purpose and reason in our lives...

[CuriousDestruction]

hey, breath. you aren't crazy, and you aren't a screw up. and i'm sure you aren't an idiot. it is okay to get excessive amounts of A's. however, that shouldn't cost you your mental health, or your physical health. i think you should speak to your counselor about how to deal with your stress and your desires to self-harm. i know you really want to self-harm, to get that rush. but it will only make matters worse. it will make your life even more stressful and hurt you in the long-run. please PM me if you wanna talk.

[BeautifulDisaster]

You don't "push" yourself into it, it pushes itself onto you.

[Icarus7]

WEll this is a ery serious thread so first If i were you, i should speak to a counselour or parents maybe, if you have a good relation with them of course! Another good idea is to lower the stress in yourself, playing sports are good for burning the excess of energy!! Having high grades is a wonderful thing, but don't exceed on it! Remember that life is a balance between spirit, mind and body!! If you need someone to talk...dont forget you can pm me ;)

[Aspiringanonymous]

I don't understand Why I can know how bad I'm screwing myself up, but I still do it.
Because you have not yet learned how to counter such powerful influences upon the mind. It is possible - but it is lengthy and confusing to attempt at the least. I agree that it pushed itself on you, rather than you on it - it controls you in such a manner that causes you to push yourself towards destructive limits.

The worst thing you can do is start blaming everything on yourself, that kind of negativity offers no room for any consolation. How and why this is happening is irrelevant, it's much more important to focus on how to deal with the issue, now that it's here and here to stay.

The first and most vital step in overcoming an influence is being aware of it, which you are. You have to be truly willing to go further with it, though; stop asking yourself how and why things are, but rather, what does one do now?

[munchausen]

It took me 5 years to figure out why I cut, it was because every time I did I felt like I got a little peice of my old life back. I was just like I was before I started, even if it was the breif I was genuinely happy not thinking or caring about cutting... I can't tell you why you do though

[Amyxoxo]

Nothing is your fault.
Have you ever spoken to someone about it?
Im sure your not pushing yourself into it, but just thinking you are and making it seem worse for you.
:) x