forgive or forget??

[cody2010]

so, this is a really long story so i'm just gonna jump right into it... i have three friends who i love more than anything (brotherly love nothing more). about a year ago one of them told the rest of us at lunch one day that he had something to tell us, but said he'd have to tell us later. so like a week later he finally told us that he was going to the doctor once a week for a brain aneurysm. he told us that the doctor told him that if there was any thing he wanted to do, he better do it now. well i had no idea what an aneurysm was. i asked my mom, and she told me what it was. (basically a swelling of a blood vessel on the brain). and if a person's brain aneurysm were to burst, they could be dead before they hit the ground. so... i was crying myself to sleep every night, not eatting, almost failed school. i was really messed up. this went on for three months, so obviously people were noticing me behavior. my dad, his dad, one the administraters at our school, and our band director, had a meeting to talk about what they were going to do about me. my dad told me they were talking about greif counselers for me stuff like that. well that's when my friend confessed. he'd been lying the whole time. there wasn't anything wrong with him, there never was. that killed me. i don't know what to do. i still feel so sore about it still. we all still hang out, sit together at lunch and everything. but i feel like i can't trust a thing he says. i hate it! i want so badly to just get over it, but i can't. i can't stand the sight of him. i guess the whole point of this is... should i forgive him, or not? i'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

[Maverick]

Did he ever apologize and explain himself?

That is definitely a tough situation. It is possible to forgive him in time but you'll never forget. This went on for 3 months. 90 days is a long time to be keeping a lie this huge going. He has done something that has changed your friendship forever.

All you can really do is wait it out and see how you feel once enough time has passed. If he is truly sorry for what he did you should eventually forgive him. But forgiving someone doesn't mean you have to still be friends with him or having the same level of friendship before this happened.

[cody2010]

he did explain himself, but i just can't trust what he said. his dad was in the navy and wasn't around a lot when he was a kid. he said he like the attention he was getting.

[LunacyFringe]

That's a pretty big lie and hard to forgive even if your friend is extremely deprived of attention. The fact that he let you suffer for 3 months, when he could clearly see the effect his lie was having on you, shows that he's not a true friend. I say it's time to let the friendship go.

[Giles]

If you've got other people you can turn too then I'd just dump him.. (as a friend) and hang out with them instead.
If he's one of only a few friends though, it would be in your best interest to try and forget what happened and be friends again.

[2D]

Neither. Get even.

[Rainstorm]

Neither. Get even.


Cause revenge always helps in the long run

[Giles]

Neither. Get even.

So then you'll both not trust each other?
What a great atmosphere that'll create.

[Nelson]

Man, thats such a low act, i would say forget him, a useless friend if thats his idea of a joke, how horrible would he feel if you commited suicide all because of some joke he wanted to play.

[2D]

Cause revenge always helps in the long run

When done correctly it does.

So then you'll both not trust each other?
What a great atmosphere that'll create.

He's not worth enough to be trusted. I know where to draw the line with sick practical jokes and that was crossing it.

Seriously though, I would talk to him. Tell him how much that hurt you and see where it goes from there. Warning, he is a sick person. The only reason I can think of for lying like that is either compulsive lying or seeking more attention than the world can give. Be cautious.

Cheers

[cherry_boi]

your friend has major issues if he's willing to do that because he wants attention, he doesn't seem like he's got your best interests in mind, so for the time being i wud distance myself from him a little, and no i wudn't trust him---he's gotta earn that

if he's willing to work on your relationship and sort through his personal issues then i wud be there for him but otherwise i'd be very cautious around him and not get too attached atm...

[Asylum]

wow.... umm .... what a jerk!!! i'd forgive him, then forget him and move on wit my life if i waz u

[Giles]

Looking at the latest few posts I've changed my opinion somewhat. I say give him the chance to work on your relationship - if he's willing to have a go then work with him, there's no reason to be cold for the sake of it.

[cody2010]

well, im just going to distance myself from him. that seems like the best thing for me right now. i'm so angry, i feel like i could rip him a new one. so thanks for all the advice!