What does she want?

[Hot Fudge]

Hi me and my girlfriend have been together for a month now and we have been very close friends for about 2years. We have been through so much together and always stood by each other but we still some how manage to have a lot of fun.

My problem is i dont know what she wants. She has been out with 3 other people before but she says that i am the only 1 who she has loved from the begining (she loved her 2nd boyfriend but wont admit it) because of how we came to know each other and because of our close friendship. I said to her ''Im wanting something long term, not to be one of the others'' so she said to me ''I love you, i can honestly say i have never felt this way about anyone before and im looking for something long term to,...this time'' so i replied ''I love you to'' etcetra lol

Anyways i believe that she believes she is telling the truth but I dont know if she is being blind like she was the other times, although she swears that this time its different.

The other problem is that we have to keep it on the quiet at school because of our exams and because a lot of people will get hurt. We where alone in the common room at school once and i was holding her and touching her, a teacher walked in, i let go and we both blushed and the teacher just started a normal conversation. Anyways people have started to suspect us and i think the teacher might have said something to some of the kids and now one of my best friends (her ex) is edgy round me and i dont think he can look me in the eye anymore.

Another thing is she keeps saying ''I dont wanna do anything til after the exams,'' im sorta worried as to what that could mean. I mean its not that i dont want to go all the way with her, just not yet, you know what i mean, i mean touching, kissing and that is different. I really do think that what we have is special but i dont want to ruin it by saying something.

What should i do, she is really unstable at the mo her dad is dieing and to be honest im not either my grandad has got Alzheimers disease and he sorta stept in as my dad. I dont think either of us could get by without each other but i cant stand worrying about what she wants.

[mr_smite1]

how confusin :S i suggest you just ride it out and see what happens. If you are not ready then just tell her, just be cool about it and if you show you are bothered by it then it might damage your relationship

[LIsailer19]

i totally agree with mr smite. just let it run it's course. if things are moving too fast or too slow, than just tell her. :)

[greendayboi]

yea, u know what? i've had the most similar problem with my ex-gf, we were frendz, then together, but then..ppl started to spread stuff bout us, and exactly what the teachers do are : 1) tell all the staff to look out for u guyz...(in case u guyz do sumthin wrong.) 2) call ur parents...teachers are [email protected] get too "close to her" wen there arnt ppl around...cuz u mite not know wen the teachers arent looking o.O GOOD LUCK

[Hot Fudge]

The teachers havent called our parents because both our Mums already know about us. Her Mum is great about it and mine is OK about it now but there are other issues there.

The thing is now that when she texts me in the morning (i sometimes text her first tho) to see how i am and stuff and i ask about how she is, she tells me stuff about whats happening, so i say something back to try and be supportive and she sends a stropy text back because iv got the wrong end of the stick. I just really can't win because i feel a right bastard if i dont try and be supportive but if i misunderstand her texts and reply then she gets moody.

What do i do;
1. do i lay down the law and say ''look when you say things about my situation that arent right i dont have a go at you, so why do you take it out on me''
2. do i wait untill after the exams finish (on Monday) and talk to her about it.
3. do i offer more support beeing as she thinks im the only person who really knows her and understands her and gently tell her not to have a go at me anymore.

any suggestions?

[mr_smite1]

you sound like one of my friends i know....

I suggest you just say to her your tru feelings, and even more, i suggest to wait until after exams. If she gets too stroppy then i suggest you have a nice calm talk to her, pref around the kitchen table, not on it! If it still persists then i think you should either make yourself more clear in your txts without bein sarcastic or you could have a "serious chat"

[Hot Fudge]

Cheers mate, i think we are going out after the last exam on Monday and we might end up back at hers and i might have a word then round the kitchen table lol i mean really love her and i want her and from the way shes been acting im pretty sure she wants me but i wanna wait til im certain.

[mr_smite1]

good luck with your exams and the chat. You will be in my prayers :P lol

[Hot Fudge]

Ok my last exams are tomorrow and hers is on monday, im pretty sure i know what she wants now, i was dropping hints that i didnt like the mood swings. I think things have changed because she doesnt seem to be tacking her bad moods out on me!!!

She keeps saying to me ''Our new hot tub will be hear next week, you shall have to come round and we can have a little party''. Now is it me or is that the biggest hint that she wants me. She also keeps ringing me whilst we are both in bed and i swear with some of the noises i hear that she is givin herself some!! or she txts me so that i txt her back. Before this sorta made me nervous but now i cant wait till Tuesday or even Monday, i dunno whats changed but i feel ready.

[mr_smite1]

well if you feel ready for the "deed" (hehe) and you are positive she is, then i suggest you go 4 it! The phone calls sound interesting aswell as the txts. And the hot tub thing just sounds like a real invitation :P I am confused about the feelin ready part. If its 2 break up then think about it carefully. If it is about losing "it" then also think about is hard. Remember that you will remember this girl for the rest of your life.

[Hot Fudge]

well if you feel ready for the "deed" (hehe) and you are positive she is, then i suggest you go 4 it! The phone calls sound interesting aswell as the txts. And the hot tub thing just sounds like a real invitation :P I am confused about the feelin ready part. If its 2 break up then think about it carefully. If it is about losing "it" then also think about is hard. Remember that you will remember this girl for the rest of your life.

O wat i meant by ready was ready to go all the way with her. I couldn't dump her i love her too much!

The hot tub came on Friday and on the Saturday morning she txt me to ask me out to dinner with her parents for the first time and that afterwards we could go in the hot tub. So i rang her up 2sort out details and her step Dad picked me up later. We got to the Restaurant and had a pint wile waiting for her and her mum. We where all feeling a bit down because my Dad might be in the nick and her dad is in hospital dieing slowly but we did our best to have a nice meal and then went back to their place.

We all got in the hot tub (yes her parents aswell) and watched the football match and had a laugh squirting each other with the squirty toy fish LOL. When the match had finished and we had a bit of a chat, her parents got out, after her Mum said to her step Dad ''com on lets giv them some space for a bit'' and left me and my girl too it.

I decided to move a bit closer too her and she smiled(we where both still feeling a bit depressed), so i put my left arm round her and she held my hand and i put my right hand on the back of her upper right leg and we sat like that for a while, we had soft music in the background and the tub lit up different colours. I got caught up in the moment so i started kissing her back, neck and shoulder. i didnt seem to get any response from her except a smile, so i looked at her in the eye and said are you ok, she said yea im just tierd and she kissed me, then we lay back for a while and i noticed her Mum looking through a window at us, i dont know if my girl noticed tho. I looked at her in the eye and i saw she was looking into the water but i couldnt think what at. Then i realised i was semi errect and i didnt know how she felt about it coz she just kept looking, i couldnt tell if her expression was nervous/scared or i want some. So i whispered to her in her ear ''I love you'' to remind her that i care and that i wasnt gonna take advantage. So she put her mouth to my ear and whispered back ''I love you too'' and kissed my face and moved to my mouth and i kissed back.

We where both starting to prune (and it was showing on me, if you know what i mean) so she got out and i said pass me my towel will you so she did. We got changed(in seperate rooms) and i met her in the lounge, we put the Tv back and watched some, then her step dad drove me home. Me and her where in the back together and she held my hand and we talked about films we gonna go see. We eventualy got too my house, so i leant towards her and she lent to me and she lunged in for the kiss and we reluctantly let go off each others hand.

Anyways next day (today/Sunday) i text her at 12ish and i not got a reply yet, she has got an exam the next day but usualy that doesnt make any difference. Its driving me mad, id text again but i dont wanna seem desperate, is she trying to make me want her more? (its not working) Should i be worried?
I will text her in the morning to wish her good luck with the exam but im just a bit pissed off that she doesnt reply for a whole day especially after our romantic episode the night before. She is my first girlfriend and the only person i have ever made such a strong mental connection with, she said she feels the same connection and that she has not felt like this before, eventhough she has been out with 4other guys, one of whom she loved.

What should i think she is thinking and what should i do? I love her but she drives me crazy at times like this and i do try to make allowances with her Dad being at deaths door.

[mr_smite1]

OOH, unlucky. Cant believe you were seen by her mum whilst con-oodling. Unlucky. Go easy on the girl. She also has feelings. And next time, dont get caught/semi-onned. :P Anyhoo pace yourself with the girl.

[Hot Fudge]

Thanks for the advice but i wish i read it sooner!
I spoke to her on the phone twice since and had a chat on msn with her and told her that i cant tell what she is thinking anymore(before i could practicaly say what she was gonna say 10secs lata, which she found amasing) i cant feel that mental connection anymore. I told her that she needs to be honest with me and tell me what is going on in her head. In the beggining of our relationship i said, ''i can only enter into this relationship if you promise me one thing,....to be honest and communicate with me and tell me where i go wrong, if i do.'' she said ''yes, nick you are different from the rest, cant you feel that.'' I said ''are you sure you can keep that promise, ive seen what has happend in the past and i have been the one who has been there for those guys and for you'' she said ''i promise, i promise and i mean it, i love you,.....''

Anyways yesterday (24thJune) i told her that where i am going next year for school is the only stable thing in my life at the moment. She said ''am i included in that equation'' i said ''yes, you seem distant, you dont seem to communicate with me anymore. I feel as if you are finding other things to do then spend time with me (she has recently offered to help with a big show and didnt tell me until i saw her by chance) Talk to me love, you dont need to be scared of what im gonna say. etc'' She said ''im not avoiding you, you know when i said i need space i meant no smuthering me, i know you have liked me for a long time but i need time.''

The long and short of it is that i am ok with her needing time to adjust and space coz i dont wanna jepordise what we have. I also accept that things are difficult and extremely painful because of the situation with her old man being critically ill but i will not be lied to, spoken to like shit and treat like crap, i want to offer the support she wants or give her space if thats what she needs.

I am happy for her helping out with the drama coz its her passion and i like to see her happy but i am angry it was a secret from me and how i found out. I am hurt and angry that she broke the promise that the hole relationship was built on and that it has been dragging on for a fortnight, she told me that i was the one person she could tell everything and could connect with. I feel like i entered into this relationship under false pretences and that i have been descieved, i am trying not to feel like this coz of her situation but she has hurt me before, over my dead body is she doing it twice, over my dead body!!!!!!!!

I think i am gonna end it(no matter how much i love her and she loves me), unless she can prove to me there is something worth saving but i am going to be careful with my timing because she is unstable, so i will wait untill she is stable, after all i still love her and always will! So i want do it in a way that we can still be friends.

I am probably being really selfish but all my life i have been the one who holds his feelings back if i think they will harm someone else and yet be completly open with peopl and i am the one who makes sacrifices for other people, i left my hole life behind down south for my mum(and i had a choice), i always end up being the one who gives in to situations just for a bit of peace, now it is my turn to be the one who makes the decisions!

I would appreciate your oppinions and advice.
Nick

[mr_smite1]

arses. That was a long post :P

What you need are 2 things.
1: A chat with her, make sure she cannot get distracted then have a real good chat. Ask her questions that she cannot avoid, such as: what do u rele think of me. When that hapens analyse her answers and see what is goin on.

2. If you wanna be tricky, and by the way you put it it sounds like she may be cheating, send out spies. Get them to follow her around incognito and see who she meets and get em 2 report. If she is cheating. Kick her out, or kick his head in :P


Hope to be of assistance

[Hot Fudge]

No No No shes not cheatin on me, no i think i can safely say that. LOL
However she has betrayed me and broken the promise that made things different. So i am angry

[Hot Fudge]

Great News: All sorted, she phoned me up while i was watchin footy and started appologising and telling me everything to put me in the picture, i stoped her tho when she told me what she had for breakfast, lunch and dinner LOL and said ''i appreciate you being open with me but you dont have to tell me all these other things, i mean you can if you like but i dont wanna feel like im controling you, u need freedom but thanks''
Me and her are grest now, i spoke to her again last night and i think she starting to cope with what is happening with her dad, so that means me and her can spend more time together!

[mr_smite1]

Good good, it has all turned out well. I wish you the best of luck with your relationship :P

[Rooster]

If you feel uncomfortable with sex, just tell her that you ain't ready. If she truly loves you, she will value your opinion, and things should turn out all right. As for your friend, you only will be divided if you let yourself. You can still be friends and stuff, just explain your situation, and that your not stealing his girl. If you can put it plainly, he will understand. Just a side note if you will, to your first statement.

[Hot Fudge]

We had a talk and she was the one who decided to slow things down a bit (few) but in my oppinion we slowed down a bit too much, we dint even kiss or hold hands last time(but that might be because she would feel uncomfortable infrount of my family. coz we not seen much of each other recently but she met my family last night and they liked her a lot. I think in a week or so we will be seeing a lot more of each other because i will be less busy and she will be a bit happier as we had a talk and cleared up a few misunderstandings.

My friend on the other hand has been very nice to me but he has also used me to get at her by making her feel that i am leaving her out. Which i am very anoyed about, he has also confused one of my friends because this other friend doesnt know that me and my girlfriend are going out but the first friend guest ages ago and still hasnt confrounted me about it.

[Hyper]

Hmm how about you talk to your 'friend' ?

[northskater110]

i hope u 2 work it out:)

~grant

[mr_smite1]

Ye, have a serious chat with ur "friend"

[fdsgfg55465]

what are you talking about

[mr_smite1]

If you read it all skittles, then u would have found tht out urself :P