AverageS
January 19th, 2010, 10:16 PM
Edit: Well, I was in kind of a bitchy mood when I wrote this but I felt better today. While now I'm feeling like I'm in one of those moods again, I'm trying to have a different outlook. For starters I don't get why I complained about the kids because I like most of them, I guess anywhere I go there will be ones that I hate, just part of life. If I really want to play soccer I just need to work on it and if I don't make it I don't, and there's always next year to at least try. I shouldn't care if people try to insult me (saying Im never off my ass) when I know they are wrong. I talked to that girl today, it was a little awkward and she wasn't anywhere near as talkative as when she talks to me, which I didnt like, made me feel like she only talks when she wants to, but thats whatever. I'm just gonna have to learn to deal with staying after to help pay for tuition, it's kind of like an introduction to work for me. At first I thought it wasn't anything like it since I didn't get to keep the money, but then I remembered I have to pay bills, so it's close enough. I'm just going to stop thinking I'm better than some people, especially ones I don't know, and just live through things, like not getting worked up when I'm afraid I'll get a bad grade from procrastinating. For all I know everything I said could just be all talk, but I hope it doesn't turn out to be because that's who I want to be.
Well, I know I don't really have any room to complain with all the less fortunate and such, yada yada yada, but I'm just getting sick of it. I'll start by saying I'm a freshmen, so I'm a little over halfway through the year. I'm going to a private highschool so it's pretty expensive, puts a bunch of financial strains on my family. I'm in the schools hardest classes, except for math, even though I have a hundred in it now and have gotten have 90's in it the past two qaurters I haven't been moved up. Most of the kids I go to school with are a bunch of spoiled kids who's families are pretty wealthy so it's not like paying the tuition for them is anything hard. Twenty scholarships were given out at the start, and the kids who got them will get to keep them as long as they get a B average... that just irks me because I do better than those kids without even trying, school just sort of comes easy to me. This would be all well and good, but, the problem is, while school may be easy for me, other things are not, and the thing I am doing good at, I don't get any kind of reward (read, 2k off each which would really help my parents pay) I really want to play soccer, but my schools team is too good, so I have no chance of making it. I see other people on the team and get kind of jealous every time. So I'm stuck not playing a sport I want to, and then some of my "friends" (people I went to grade school with who still join my xbox live parties) will tell me I never get off my ass. That gets me to, I run a mile and day and do a little lifting. It's not much, but since I never have anything to do besides hang out on xbox or WoW I figure it's better than nothing (or sit on facebook and feel like an idiot trying to think of how to talk to this girl I like) I get in a lot of arguments with the people I'm friends with, which we get over, but I'm getting in arguments with most of them because they are so hypocritical about what they can do and others can.
There are those that I don't argue with constantly, but I'm just not very close to them. The kids I go to school with, like I said earlier, are wealth preppy kids that I just don't relate to very well, so making a good friend is hard, because the ones who aren't completely full of themselves are kind of odd, which is fine, but they tend to have qualities I'm not a fan of. I've met one kid who has joined my circle of friends who I kept from gradeschool, which is probably about 4 out of the 20+ kids who ended up coming with me. My problems relating to these new kids are we just aren't into the same things really. They like to listen to rap music and hang out at the mall/etc all weekend with their girl friends who they don't really even like that much, they just want to get some. I'm not saying they are all like that, but most of them are just in it to get some sort of sexual contact, and it just bothers me. They get all kinds of girls, see them for like 4 months, end up getting some handjobs/blowjobs out of it and pat them selves on the back, thinking they are the shit. I just hate that I don't even know how to talk to the girl I actually like, that I don't just want some kind of sexual favor from. The only time we ever talk is when she will just randomly start a conversation with me. Like, for example, she wanted to know if I went to a game this weekend because she wanted to meet up and hang out, but stupid me didn't even know there was anything going on, so I had to turn that offer down with a promise of hanging out some other time, which will probably never come because I'll be to scared to even see if she's there. I'm just so scared of her telling me to just back off and never talk to her again if I ever try to talk to her. I don't know why, I guess it's just some kind of fear of rejection. Meanwhile, I see other guys try to get to her and just use her, because shes attractive. I guess I can't say much though, it's not like I'm making it apparent I'm interested in her. So I've got a school full of kids I don't relate to, people telling me I don't have a life because I'm not good enough to have one (playing soccer would open me up to do something besides watch tv or play video games/sit on facebook like an idiot) and a girl that I just have no idea how to talk to. To make matters worse, I get to go work at school for less than minimum wage for the next 2 months. Two hours after school each day of sweeping up the hallways for a measly 500 dollars off my tuition. It wouldn't matter if I was one of those lucky wealthy kids, or if my school fairly dubbed out that scholarship money, but now I just get to sit second best to these kids that I don't like. (To clarify, I'm fine with some, some of cool people, just the majority, yuck) So I get to wake up at 6:45, get home at 6pm, and then do any kind of homework and have about 4-5 hours before I start my cycle again. I'm just really not enjoying life right now. Switching schools would just be awkward because everyone would want to know why I did it, and I would just feel like I'm running away from my problems. So please, if anyone can give me some tips on what they think I should do in this situation/what you would do, please tell me, because I'm just so tired of my routine. Not tired to the point of killing myself, just thought I'd throw that in there in case anyone got that idea, I think suicide is a terrible thing. Sorry for the rant, I'm sure many of the people who read this have far
greater problems and just laugh or get angry at me for thinking these are bad. I just don't know what I can do to make it better. if you've read this far, thanks a lot, at least you cared enough to look :P
Well, I know I don't really have any room to complain with all the less fortunate and such, yada yada yada, but I'm just getting sick of it. I'll start by saying I'm a freshmen, so I'm a little over halfway through the year. I'm going to a private highschool so it's pretty expensive, puts a bunch of financial strains on my family. I'm in the schools hardest classes, except for math, even though I have a hundred in it now and have gotten have 90's in it the past two qaurters I haven't been moved up. Most of the kids I go to school with are a bunch of spoiled kids who's families are pretty wealthy so it's not like paying the tuition for them is anything hard. Twenty scholarships were given out at the start, and the kids who got them will get to keep them as long as they get a B average... that just irks me because I do better than those kids without even trying, school just sort of comes easy to me. This would be all well and good, but, the problem is, while school may be easy for me, other things are not, and the thing I am doing good at, I don't get any kind of reward (read, 2k off each which would really help my parents pay) I really want to play soccer, but my schools team is too good, so I have no chance of making it. I see other people on the team and get kind of jealous every time. So I'm stuck not playing a sport I want to, and then some of my "friends" (people I went to grade school with who still join my xbox live parties) will tell me I never get off my ass. That gets me to, I run a mile and day and do a little lifting. It's not much, but since I never have anything to do besides hang out on xbox or WoW I figure it's better than nothing (or sit on facebook and feel like an idiot trying to think of how to talk to this girl I like) I get in a lot of arguments with the people I'm friends with, which we get over, but I'm getting in arguments with most of them because they are so hypocritical about what they can do and others can.
There are those that I don't argue with constantly, but I'm just not very close to them. The kids I go to school with, like I said earlier, are wealth preppy kids that I just don't relate to very well, so making a good friend is hard, because the ones who aren't completely full of themselves are kind of odd, which is fine, but they tend to have qualities I'm not a fan of. I've met one kid who has joined my circle of friends who I kept from gradeschool, which is probably about 4 out of the 20+ kids who ended up coming with me. My problems relating to these new kids are we just aren't into the same things really. They like to listen to rap music and hang out at the mall/etc all weekend with their girl friends who they don't really even like that much, they just want to get some. I'm not saying they are all like that, but most of them are just in it to get some sort of sexual contact, and it just bothers me. They get all kinds of girls, see them for like 4 months, end up getting some handjobs/blowjobs out of it and pat them selves on the back, thinking they are the shit. I just hate that I don't even know how to talk to the girl I actually like, that I don't just want some kind of sexual favor from. The only time we ever talk is when she will just randomly start a conversation with me. Like, for example, she wanted to know if I went to a game this weekend because she wanted to meet up and hang out, but stupid me didn't even know there was anything going on, so I had to turn that offer down with a promise of hanging out some other time, which will probably never come because I'll be to scared to even see if she's there. I'm just so scared of her telling me to just back off and never talk to her again if I ever try to talk to her. I don't know why, I guess it's just some kind of fear of rejection. Meanwhile, I see other guys try to get to her and just use her, because shes attractive. I guess I can't say much though, it's not like I'm making it apparent I'm interested in her. So I've got a school full of kids I don't relate to, people telling me I don't have a life because I'm not good enough to have one (playing soccer would open me up to do something besides watch tv or play video games/sit on facebook like an idiot) and a girl that I just have no idea how to talk to. To make matters worse, I get to go work at school for less than minimum wage for the next 2 months. Two hours after school each day of sweeping up the hallways for a measly 500 dollars off my tuition. It wouldn't matter if I was one of those lucky wealthy kids, or if my school fairly dubbed out that scholarship money, but now I just get to sit second best to these kids that I don't like. (To clarify, I'm fine with some, some of cool people, just the majority, yuck) So I get to wake up at 6:45, get home at 6pm, and then do any kind of homework and have about 4-5 hours before I start my cycle again. I'm just really not enjoying life right now. Switching schools would just be awkward because everyone would want to know why I did it, and I would just feel like I'm running away from my problems. So please, if anyone can give me some tips on what they think I should do in this situation/what you would do, please tell me, because I'm just so tired of my routine. Not tired to the point of killing myself, just thought I'd throw that in there in case anyone got that idea, I think suicide is a terrible thing. Sorry for the rant, I'm sure many of the people who read this have far
greater problems and just laugh or get angry at me for thinking these are bad. I just don't know what I can do to make it better. if you've read this far, thanks a lot, at least you cared enough to look :P