Can abuse to look upon as a good thing?

[Adrinna]

Is there anything good about abuse you can think of???

[Quick_Sylver]

It can make you stronger, in some ways. In some ways it can also bring you closer to those that you love, and, dare I say it, to the abuser. I'm relying on personal experience here, so take from it what you will.

[thrust of trust]

..the hell? abuse is bad all the way and why would i myself become close to my abuser?? i would wanna kill him the first chance i get. abuse is terrible.

[Quick_Sylver]

Your opinion. Not mine.

[AllThatIsLeft]

Makes you tougher is you can get over it.
It changes your perspective on on life.
Teaches you that there are worst things in life.

and ehh idk. that's what I got out of it.

[Appleton]

Mine made me tougher on some things. It def did not bring me closer to my abuser or to a certain member of my family. Like it was said above, it does give you a whole new perspective on things. Are you asking this because you've been abused or are you just curious?

[-Silence]

It can make you a stronger person but that is only if you can come to terms with the abuse.

[XxHaViiK]

In my case, it pulled the strings from me and my family completely apart beyond repair. I'll never forgive them for anything they did, no matter what. BUT, it brought me extremely close to 4 people. 4 people that I'd give and owe my life to for helping me stay alive in my time of need.

[Sapphire]

Abuse does no one any good. It is the healing process that yields positive change.

The abuse destroyed what little self confidence I had left, taught me not to trust people, that I am inferior and left me a broken woman.

But the healing process is what is making me stronger, more confident, more trusting and feeling more like a person of equal value.

[thrust of trust]

Your opinion. Not mine.

yea. sorry if i'm blunt but its really how i feel.

[karl]

I don't know if what my dad did to me was abuse, but it didn't do me any good, I was still in a bad state for the first couple of months I was away from him, but I'm ok now, it's been 5 months, but sometimes I cry at night when I think of it

[BeautifulDisaster]

It can be good if the healing process ever is successful, as some will never heal, but they are still very strong people, and courageous, to go through all of that & still be here.
They can relate to others, help others, support others, perhaps even save others lives before it gets to the point of nearly destroying it.
There can be an upside, but it's never an upside to be abused in any way, shape or form.

[Mattasaur94]

Whether or not abuse is good or bad, sterotypically its bad, it varies on the form of abuse, who, or whats involved, age, sex, response to the abuse and so on.
Personally I've had to help alot of friends through sexual and physical abuse, trust me, its not fun to stand there watching your freind's life fall apart because they won't talk to you about it. But what I found is that I didn't constantly nag them, in time they just came to me for help.
So... It CAN be looked as a good thing, it CAN make you a stronger person...
Or...
It could utterly destroy you and your freinds...

As i said, it varies from person to person and the situation.

[janjanTRIP_]

Whether or not abuse is good or bad, sterotypically its bad, it varies on the form of abuse, who, or whats involved, age, sex, response to the abuse and so on.
Personally I've had to help alot of friends through sexual and physical abuse, trust me, its not fun to stand there watching your freind's life fall apart because they won't talk to you about it. But what I found is that I didn't constantly nag them, in time they just came to me for help.
So... It CAN be looked as a good thing, it CAN make you a stronger person...
Or...
It could utterly destroy you and your freinds...

As i said, it varies from person to person and the situation.

wisely put, i second this:P

[Kahn]

I was abused, mentally and partially physically. Mentally every day by my father for years.

Anyway... I feel as if that and my Grandfather being there for me has made me grow intelligent over the few years I have lived, and made me grow polite. I don't know if that is the reason but I swear to god or whoever is watching me that I will not turn into my father.

[Katrina]

I don't think abuse should have a place in this world.
Unless and until the healing process is successful it leads only to damage.

[Mattasaur94]

I don't think abuse should have a place in this world.
Unless and until the healing process is successful it leads only to damage.

It doesn't have a place in this world.
But... Unfortunately, when there are cities, and people and social webs around, there will always be abuse.
Its just another form of people trying to get what they want how they feel best fit. Be it for their own reason its never right, but, its like saying, "Crime is wrong, so it shouldn't be here" easier said then done.
The most we can do as bystanders is be there for people who need our help.

[Nelson]

*Applauds Mattasaur94*

Couldn't put it better my self, Abuse is a horrible thing, to both live under and see other people go through, a best friend of mine get emotionally abused by his mother, i hate knowing that i can do things to help, but he wont let me as he doesnt want to leave the area he lives in.

Unfortunatly some people over use the term 'abuse", many of the girls at my school say "Oh, my dad touched me" or "I was raped when i was younger" 99% of them say it to get attention, i know that because you cant just talk about that and not show some form of emotion, When a friend of mine thinks about how someone sexually abused her she just breaks down into this emotional state. Sorry all who are offended

But overall, abuse is horrible and doesnt need to be here, if you abuse people, someone should abuse you and see how it feels :S

[Sapphire]

Unfortunatly some people over use the term 'abuse", many of the girls at my school say "Oh, my dad touched me" or "I was raped when i was younger" 99% of them say it to get attention, i know that because you cant just talk about that and not show some form of emotion, When a friend of mine thinks about how someone sexually abused her she just breaks down into this emotional state. Sorry all who are offended
For a while, I didn't feel anything towards one of my abusers and the things he did to me. I could say "so and so didn't take no for an answer" without feeling anything or experiencing anything. But that does not mean that I was lying. That does not mean that I was attention seeking.
I wasn't letting myself feel or experience anything to do with it out of self protection. It was the darkest period in my life and I couldn't cope with the rest of the mess I had to deal with, let alone that.

So, think before you speak. Things are never straightforward. Especially with something as complicated as abuse.

[Beautiful Obsession]

When

[Beautiful Obsession]

when the abuse is over, whatever kind it is, the person becomes stronger, learns more aboutt lifee in some cases.

But overall abuse is never a good thing, it damages the persons self esteem in general and they will always look back on it, which can caise depression.

[Mattasaur94]

...99% of them say it to get attention, i know that because you cant just talk about that and not show some form of emotion, When a friend of mine thinks about how someone sexually abused her she just breaks down into this emotional state. Sorry all who are offended


Not always true, Dylan. Some people, I could name a few school freinds and such, don't show any signs of emotion after they were abused. They pretty much retreated into a form of drepression where they talked minimally and spoke only if spoken to. When pressed into conversations about such a topic they could easily talk about it without showing any signs of emotion towards the topic, but, truthfully its all in the eyes. *nods*
The windows to the soul. ^^

But honestly, abuse is a terrible thing, it can be incredibly hard to talk about, but it can also be very easy for some people to talk about. Depends on who the person is, the extent of the abuse and such. It is never a good thing, it does make you stronger, but it always damages the victim deeply, usually leaving a mental scar, somethings a physical one.

...But overall abuse is never a good thing, it damages the persons self esteem in general and they will always look back on it, which can caise depression.

I comepletely agree with that.
*nods*

[Nelson]

*nods*

[Sapphire]

Mattasaur, how can something that "damages the victim deeply" make them stronger? What is your logic behind that?
Are the abuse and the healing process not separate?
Is it not that the abuse is the negative force which damages them and then the healing process is the positive force which helps them get over the abuse?
*nods*
I'm wondering, what you are nodding at?

[TigerLily]

No, I don't think there is one single fucking good thing about it.
Sure, I'm stronger than the vast majority of my peers.
But I shouldn't have to be.
Sure I've grown up a lot quicker, I can look after myself better, I won't let people walk over me.. but I wouldn't have had to otherwise, I'd have learned those things in my own time.
I'll never forgive her and I'll never look back on it as in any small insignificant way a positive thing, because it was awful. I don't like to think about it.
Nothing good comes from abuse, imo, and nothing will change my view on that.

[Mattasaur94]

(To Sapphire)
As I've said, It depends on the person, on the situation, and every other variable.
It CAN make the person stronger, it can drive them to reach a different goal or a higher than what they were aiming.
Sapphire, I'm sorry if you find this offensive at all, but I wasn't directing this entirely at sexual and/or physical abuse. It can be from verbal or mental abuse. There are like, 9 different forms of abuse, all of these affect people differently.
Some can make you weaker, some can make you stronger, and some can make you want to persevere.

Personally, when I was younger, I haven't told anyone, but I guess I'll spill the beans... more-a-less.
But when I was younger I was alwasy the odd one out in my family, they're all sporting fanatics. I've always been the small-one in my family, the whimpy little book-worm.
I got physically bashed and verbally abused by my brothers, what of it? At first I just retreated further into my shell, hiding from everyone, reading, playing computer games. But then when to oppertunity came up, I started training and working harder to make myself equivilent/better than them. Ending = My brothers don't pick on me.
Also, when ever I get a dodgy grade at school, eg, last semester I got 4 A's and 3 B's, my dad would verbally abuse me calling me an idiot and that I have no hope if I keep doing what I'm doing, this is comming from the man who never finished year 9.

I think I know what I'm talking about Sapphire, I understand that you might have been under the assumption I was directing this at Sexual Abuse (from Dylan's comments), but that's not what I was entirely talking about.
*smiles slightly*
Hope that explains my point of view slightly, but, we're all individual's and everyone is entitles to their opinions based on their responses to situations and such. This is comming from my experiences helping myself and others.

[Sapphire]

The questions I posed to you were based on what you had said, not what Dylan has said. After all, you were the one that said abuse "always damages the victim deeply" but then went on to assert that it also makes you stronger. What I said applies to all forms of abuse and I would appreciate it if you'd actually address the questions I posed to you instead of giving me your life story.

[Nelson]

What the hell, he just told you a deep part of his life, something i didn't even know, he told you, a complete stranger half way across the globe. People would expect a small amount of sympathy *begins to flame* You say my comments are heartless and such, that wasn't required.. Practice what you preach, think before you speak, he clearly addressed your questions, I even understand what he means, He means although it causes damage, it will make you stronger by getting closuere or talking about it, thats my p.o.v.

Your very argumentative

[Sapphire]

I empathise with his experiences but anecdotes (however painful) do not address the questions I put to him properly.
Particularly the following: how can something that "damages the victim deeply" make them stronger? and Is it not that the abuse is the negative force which damages them and then the healing process is the positive force which helps them get over the abuse?

EDIT
If telling your life story and connecting it (however loosely) with the point you are making gets people to listen properly then I'll do it

[Mattasaur94]

I empathise with his experiences but anecdotes (however painful) do not address the questions I put to him properly.
Particularly the following: how can something that "damages the victim deeply" make them stronger? and Is it not that the abuse is the negative force which damages them and then the healing process is the positive force which helps them get over the abuse?

Okay, i guess I'll explain myself clearly.
Something that damages the victim deeply, abuse, can make you stronger. It can make you seek refuge with other people, it can make friendships stronger, it can build a better relationship with your parents, your teachers, doctors and heaps of other people around you.
It CAN make you stronger, not always, but I'm trying to remain optimisitc in the hope that people can learn from events which cause incredible pain, I'm hoping that together, as a society, we can build on this, and around this, solidifying your rules and boundries.

to your second question, everything is in opposites, I'm sure I don't need to explain that, even to you, Opposites, scientifically attract. My opinion (MY OPINION, you don't need to agree) is that if something negative happens to you, no matter how great, there is always a healing process, something that will hopefully be positive. I'm trying to be optimistic here. I, from my experiences (sorry, my "life story" was a part of explaining my self), had a relatively positive healing process. Whilst it might be painful, if you look at it positively, then it'll help alot.

Hope that helps you understand my view.

[Sapphire]

I can't see how you acknowledge the negativity of abuse and the positivity of the healing process but still continue to mix the two up.
It makes no sense.

An example of this.
Friendships (and other types of relationships) grow stronger as part of the healing process, not as part of the abuse. The abuse works to weaken these bonds by separating you from people to greater or lesser degrees.

[Mattasaur94]

How i interpret it, let me explain,
The event that happens, negative, in the assumption its abuse, yes?
The healing process, however, seeing as its described as a HEALING process, should be relatively positive as its a HEALING process.
Healing, in my definition, is a process for OVERCOMMING a CHALLENGE.
I see this a healing, because you/who ever, is overcomming this probelem. They are accepting that it has happened, and the main part of the HEALING process is doing something about it to try and over-come it, or prevent it from happening again.

(sorry, I'm in maths, my teacher rages at me for posting on VT, but I'm putting this as a slightly higher priority. =/ )

[Nelson]

*nods* Mr nand is such a douche, he closed my laptop

[Sapphire]

Thank you for giving me a definition of healing. I was already well aware of what you have just outlined but oh well...
Taking that into account, surely there is no denying that the strengthening of bonds between the victim and their friends/teachers/family is part of the healing process, rather than the abuse.

[Mattasaur94]

Yes, That's what I'm trying to say,
(XD sorry, if this is incredibly confusing, I don't think I've explained myself clearly enough)
But ABUSE isn't a good thing, it never is.
It's the HEALING process that is the only slightly positive thing about it.
Abuse is never a good thing, but, depending on the point of view, and the stage that the person's in, it can be seen as having some light to it...

I accept that there's never a good thing to it, I'm just trying to point out that there is some vague, how ever faint, optimism that can be added to it. Abuse is terrible, it sucks, it truely does, but... The healing process can, hopefully, be seen as the positive stage/s off overcomming the process.

EDIT: (Hold up, changing class rooms now. brb in 10mins, max)

[Sapphire]

I wonder if it wouldn't have been easier for you to simply have answered my questions properly as I did ask "is it not that the abuse is the negative force which damages them and then the healing process is the positive force which helps them get over the abuse?"

[Mattasaur94]

I wonder if it wouldn't have been easier for you to simply have answered my questions properly as I did ask "is it not that the abuse is the negative force which damages them and then the healing process is the positive force which helps them get over the abuse?"

/facepalm
I'm sorry for mis-interpretting your question.
(There's no smilies for what i was intending to do represent >_>)
*apologises* I assume you have a decent answer then, as of before?

[Sapphire]

Lol, I believe we understand each other.

[Mattasaur94]

/cheer
Kewl. ^^
Hahahahhaha.

[Nelson]

Woot xD.. No arguements

[Snake217]

I would say that the good thing about getting abused, is that I know how it feels, and I know I Would never ever do it or something like it to someone else, also if I see someone abusing someone, I will not just say don do it, I would tell him how it feels, and how is that person damaging the other.

[Lilly_420_2003]

All of these are great reply's, and I have nothing that I could add to it.

In my situation, I wouldn't say it was "good", but it changed the course of my life in the future forever, without me knowing. I met the person I'm with as a direct outcome from it. I have a family and a wonderful life.. but it would have ended up much worse if I hadn't met them.

[Mattasaur94]

"Good" is a hard word to define in this case.
I'm not talking like, flowers and sunshine and rainbows good.
I see it as good as it can help create a stronger you, it can help you change things that are happening around you... and blah blah blah.
I'm tired now, sorry.

To Snake217,
An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.
Think about it.
The most we can do is help those who need our help. To change the things we can change, and to stop the things that we can stop.
Not retaliate violently to the person, because that'd be hypocritical, as much as they deserve it.

[Asylum]

makes you emotionally stronger... and well phsycially too .

[Beautiful Obsession]

Wow, theres alot of disagreement on heree..

I get what everyone is sayingg, its a pretty hard question to answer, while the abuse is happeningg its neverrr a "good" thing, but i guess when its all over, years later the person could be strongerr as from learning from the abuse?
x

[beedubs]

well it can make you stronger.. just read a child called it, the lost boy, and a man called dave, all by david pelzer. but if your not strong, it can weaken you. i think its bad, but i was just giving a perspective from both sides. btw how did the starter get banned after 2 posts?

[Watchfulness]

I abuse children when I'm drunk.
Only if they aggravate me.

[hexane]

There is nothing good about abuse.

[deadpie]

Fighting threw the nightmares and horrible triggers, it's made me a stronger person.
Although it's fucked up my social skills pretty bad, but threw my abuse, it's made me understand people better.

[Wintergirl_80.0]

:yes: Yes. Iknow it is hard to see the good that comes out of it but there is good. :hug3: It ultimatley will make you stronger and will help you be able to help others going through it. Im going to take the strength i have gained through dealing with my childhood sexual abuse from my stepfather and use it to help me speak out agianst abuse. Remember this honey. You are so much more than a victim. YOU ARE A SURVIVOR! :proud:

[ShatteredWings]

bump from last feb