Ugh...

[MysticalBurrito]

These last couple weeks aren't going so well...Panic attacks, birthday, ect...
It's all sinking in now, I'll never have smooth arms like most of the girls I know... I'll be ashamed by these scars the rest of my life. I'm in pain all the time...I can't get rid of the pain, it never goes away. It's always lurking in the shadows just waiting to get a hold on me again when I'm feeling slightly better. I hide all my emotions, nobody knows when I'm sad or angry because I have a stupid permanent smile slapped onto my face half the time. The guilt, it's always there along with the pain. A guilt from lying about something, a guilt for some other stuff. I feel guilty for having a chest. I hate wearing shirts that even slightly show it. But my mom says I need to be more feminine... My trust towards everyone including my family is gone. The knife is still in my back...
Maybe this is just another pointless post but I need to get it out...

[Quick_Sylver]

Karina, :hug3: If you need to talk, I'm here.

[Asylum]

honey, know that your not alone... most people here incvluding me... are ashamed of their arms... you nee to see someone perhaps a counsler to talk, or just talk to me or well Becky. supressing yoru emotions is the worst thing you can do.... i know your afraid to supress them. feelign sad is not a weakness... its ok to cry... its ok to show feeligns and let people in... i knwo its sort of hypocritical of me to say ths... but i hoep it helps you somewhat... dom't listen to yor mom... you dont' ahve to be more femine. my mtoher says the smae thing... just ignore it, or nod and smile and agree and walk away... don't feel guilty for being a girl... accept who you are and learn to love it.... perhaps seeing yourself in the mirror and saying 3 good things about you every morning will help or simply look at yoruself naked and laugh... that's what my pshycologist told me to do... its never a pointless post.... there is always hope even in the most hopelesss of situations... and you have people to help you through ti all an help you out of your dark abyss back into the light again...