Hatsune Miku
January 14th, 2010, 04:54 AM
( this is also posted in my blog)
What are you supposed to do when you want to live so badly, but are too scared to die?
What are you supposed to do when all you want is to feel loved? To feel like you belong?
I didn't know what to do. I couldn't handle everything that was going on.
So I found a way to make everything feel better.
I began to cut. I thought it would make everything better.
I never knew it would be the start of something horrible. The start of an addiction. The start of my own destruction.
I thought it was something that I could handle.
Something that I could stop at any time.
But I was wrong... So wrong.
Weeks went by, I couldn't escape the urge.
I felt like I was trapped. I became addicted.
Addicted to hurting myself...
I feel alone. I feel dead. Trapped in a never ending cycle. It never stops.
Im wasting whats supposed to be the best years of my life.
Not one soul knew about my secret addiction.
I would always seem happy. I always hid behind my fake smile, my fake laugh.
I try to give it up. I try to win, to beat the urge. But I always lose.
Im broken inside. My mind is corrupt.
Its hard for me to vent. I can never really trust anybody. Why do people even try to help. They never help. They say you're doing better. Then why am I screaming on the inside? Why am I still harming myself?
I hate cutting.
I cut
I gain relief. But it never lasts
When the relief fades away, I feel worse then I did before.
So I cut again.
Like I said, Its an endless cycle.
It feels like a black hole.
Like theres no way out
No light to follow.
I don't cut because im "emo"
I don't cut because I crave sympathy
I don't %100 Know why
But there are some things I do know
Its how I cope with everything thats going on
I do it to feel alive
To clear my mind of all its crap
I sometimes feel like giving up
Alot of the time I wonder...
Why do I even try to stop cutting?
Why can't I stop?
Why do I feel like this?
Why isn't my love for a special someone enough to make me stop?
Why can't I just fucking stop!!
But someday I will stop
Ill keep fighting, Ill win this battle. Ill beat the urge.
Ill win, or die trying
Theres hope. You just have to find it
To anyone else who self harms
Dont give up because you're not alone
Dont think that nobody cares because I care
I understand. I know its not easy feeling alone
Feeling like theres no end
Feeling like everything in life is pointless
But somewhere... Theres hope
We just have to keep looking, together
We have to stay strong and fight this battle
We have to win
We will win!
Together, we can overcome any obstacle that gets in our way
We may fail at times
But thats no reason to give up
We may all be separated
Thousands of miles apart
But we are all self-harmers
We are our own little nation
And together we'll fight
And win
And when we win. We can enjoy a nice glass of milk along with cookies...
What are you supposed to do when you want to live so badly, but are too scared to die?
What are you supposed to do when all you want is to feel loved? To feel like you belong?
I didn't know what to do. I couldn't handle everything that was going on.
So I found a way to make everything feel better.
I began to cut. I thought it would make everything better.
I never knew it would be the start of something horrible. The start of an addiction. The start of my own destruction.
I thought it was something that I could handle.
Something that I could stop at any time.
But I was wrong... So wrong.
Weeks went by, I couldn't escape the urge.
I felt like I was trapped. I became addicted.
Addicted to hurting myself...
I feel alone. I feel dead. Trapped in a never ending cycle. It never stops.
Im wasting whats supposed to be the best years of my life.
Not one soul knew about my secret addiction.
I would always seem happy. I always hid behind my fake smile, my fake laugh.
I try to give it up. I try to win, to beat the urge. But I always lose.
Im broken inside. My mind is corrupt.
Its hard for me to vent. I can never really trust anybody. Why do people even try to help. They never help. They say you're doing better. Then why am I screaming on the inside? Why am I still harming myself?
I hate cutting.
I cut
I gain relief. But it never lasts
When the relief fades away, I feel worse then I did before.
So I cut again.
Like I said, Its an endless cycle.
It feels like a black hole.
Like theres no way out
No light to follow.
I don't cut because im "emo"
I don't cut because I crave sympathy
I don't %100 Know why
But there are some things I do know
Its how I cope with everything thats going on
I do it to feel alive
To clear my mind of all its crap
I sometimes feel like giving up
Alot of the time I wonder...
Why do I even try to stop cutting?
Why can't I stop?
Why do I feel like this?
Why isn't my love for a special someone enough to make me stop?
Why can't I just fucking stop!!
But someday I will stop
Ill keep fighting, Ill win this battle. Ill beat the urge.
Ill win, or die trying
Theres hope. You just have to find it
To anyone else who self harms
Dont give up because you're not alone
Dont think that nobody cares because I care
I understand. I know its not easy feeling alone
Feeling like theres no end
Feeling like everything in life is pointless
But somewhere... Theres hope
We just have to keep looking, together
We have to stay strong and fight this battle
We have to win
We will win!
Together, we can overcome any obstacle that gets in our way
We may fail at times
But thats no reason to give up
We may all be separated
Thousands of miles apart
But we are all self-harmers
We are our own little nation
And together we'll fight
And win
And when we win. We can enjoy a nice glass of milk along with cookies...