Top 25 ways to impress a girl.

[Evermore]

1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are).

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs; they love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is say you say "you better be". Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. Then, when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewelry is for pussies and asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words @#%$ you, and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then, take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then, drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because i can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye". The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the partys dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball or waterpolo.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. if you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt and say "no she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one to the face. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what i'm talking about.

21. When its raining keep asking her if she's crying. She'll say no it's just the rain. Ten minutes later, turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying you @#%$ baby. Girls like a tough man as i've already stated.

22. Titty twisters, and plenty of them.

23. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. this way she'll think you're mysterious.

24. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just
whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know
she's coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the
present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one
that much, but I think it's funny.

26. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will,
promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will
make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call that you're
going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Don't
call.


If you haven't realized by now this is a joke. These are the worst and meanest things you can do to a girl. But my question is why is it that most guys that pull this shit are the one's who get all the girls?
Do you girls like being abused?
This is a question that has been unanswered since I heard about domestic violence when I was seven. Seeing this "joke" made me wonder it again.

[Quick_Sylver]

Would you? Most of the reasons girls end up going with the abusive guys, is because they get tired of waiting for the nice guys to show up and sweep her off her feet. The nice guys are usually too nice. They stand by and watch as they think that's who she wants.

[Mzor203]

This is so old, but it's still funny every time...

I gotta stop being so sexist <.<

[AutumnDae]

This is the first time that I've read that....but I found it funny. I'm so bad at being a girl!

Anyways, my guy doesn't do anything like this. Okay, that's a lie, but the things he DOES do that are even similar to this are no where close, and I find them funny. I have a sense of humor. Actually, I've never been with a guy that has done anything bad like this really....

[maddii-may]

not that true some girls like tht

[Evermore]

Would you? Most of the reasons girls end up going with the abusive guys, is because they get tired of waiting for the nice guys to show up and sweep her off her feet. The nice guys are usually too nice. They stand by and watch as they think that's who she wants.

If that were true, you'd be saying that girls are dumb enough to stay in an abusive and sometimes dangerous relationship just because she's afraid of being single. And yes, nice guys won't hit on a girl that's taken sorry if that's our fault.

[Quick_Sylver]

If that were true, you'd be saying that girls are dumb enough to stay in an abusive and sometimes dangerous relationship just because she's afraid of being single. And yes, nice guys won't hit on a girl that's taken sorry if that's our fault.

That's not what I said. They also sometimes confuse lust for love. That happens rather often as well. I'm not saying that hitting on the girl while she's in a relationship is smart, I'm saying that BEFORE she's in a relationship, she's usually pretty confused as why the nice guys don't like her, because you don't show it. So she starts dressing sluttier(in some cases) and she draws the bad boys attention. She dresses sluttier because she wants to be loved,aka lusted for, and thinks that bad boys are at least better than nothing.(this is all from a speech I got at my school from someone)

[nick]

I've seen that list before, but it made me laugh all the same.

[Bougainvillea]

I've been with my girlfriend for over a year, and not once have I done these. I love her too much. :P

It's usually the douches who girls tend to think are hot and ignore the nice guys. At least that's how it is here.

I guess I'm a lucky one. I don't like most of the girls here.

[YesterdaysNews]

If that were true, you'd be saying that girls are dumb enough to stay in an abusive and sometimes dangerous relationship just because she's afraid of being single. And yes, nice guys won't hit on a girl that's taken sorry if that's our fault.

Some girls stay in abusive relationships because they're scared of what will happen if they leave. My mom's friend's youngest daughter is in this situation, and my mom's friend was in the same sort of situation with her first marriage.
Anywho.
This list is quite amusing :P

[Watta Tem]

lols...

[cherry_boi]

lmao oldie but awesome everytime

bahahahaha

[Evermore]

That's not what I said. They also sometimes confuse lust for love. That happens rather often as well. I'm not saying that hitting on the girl while she's in a relationship is smart, I'm saying that BEFORE she's in a relationship, she's usually pretty confused as why the nice guys don't like her, because you don't show it. So she starts dressing sluttier(in some cases) and she draws the bad boys attention. She dresses sluttier because she wants to be loved,aka lusted for, and thinks that bad boys are at least better than nothing.(this is all from a speech I got at my school from someone)

I see where you're coming from it's just frustrating. How is an abusive relationship and/or broken heart better than staying single? I always assumed you have to give the girl a moment to grieve her past relationship before you pounce on her. But then she tells me another guy she's dating and so "in love" with. Am I supposed to pounce on her?

[Kahn]

Jesus... This reminds me of all the douches that my ex dated.. If I hadn't moved we probably would still be together on our year "anniversary" or whatever you want to call it. She was so nice..

[Rutherford The Brave]

I thought for a second that this was real and I was like what the hell is wrong with you but then I read what you typed. I thought it was pretty funny.

[Bougainvillea]

Same! I was about to get super pissed.
10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.
22. Titty twisters, and plenty of them.
These are Cathy's. ^

[Perseus]

Ah..., that made me lawl.
I bet some people go by that, lol.

[Rutherford The Brave]

The titty twisters was the best one.

[Nostrum]

LOL this is hilarious.

OH and number 8, that would definitely impress me! even though burning tires smell so horrible.. i'd be impressed that my boyfriend knows what i'm like, and takes me somewhere better than a fancy dinner.

[WonderChild]

That made me laugh, first time seeing it before.

I am the nice guy so I never really get looked at. The girls at my school go for the "bad boys". Every adult I know calls me a gentleman. I have never been mean to a girl and never plan too. But yea relationships can be stressful. My last relationship traumatized me terribly. I can never look at a girl without freaking out... The bad thing is... my ex transferred to my school last Wednesday...fml

[Hatsune Miku]

At first I thought this was real lol
Funny :D

[Kelsie]

girls really need to stop letting themselves get hurt and get out of those abusive relationships. being single isnt that bad and once one of the really nice guys come to you, it'll be worth it.

[Evermore]

girls really need to stop letting themselves get hurt and get out of those abusive relationships. being single isnt that bad and once one of the really nice guys come to you, it'll be worth it.

See, I like this person ^^^

[dmeek7]

That made me laugh, first time seeing it before.

I am the nice guy so I never really get looked at. The girls at my school go for the "bad boys". Every adult I know calls me a gentleman. I have never been mean to a girl and never plan too. But yea relationships can be stressful. My last relationship traumatized me terribly. I can never look at a girl without freaking out... The bad thing is... my ex transferred to my school last Wednesday...fml

that would suck..im glad that i have only had a few girlfriends in my past.

[AllThatIsLeft]

Why can't people be balanced.
perfect dose of being nice
and the perfect dose of danger.

Yes girls like danger, we like being on our toes, and we like thrills.
OF course we also like attention, gentlemens, and love.

But every case I've seen irl, it's one extreme or the other.
Nice guys bore us, and bad boys hurt us.
Balance anyone?

oh and I hate that list, I couldn't even get through it once. idk why.

[Quick_Sylver]

Why can't people be balanced.
perfect dose of being nice
and the perfect dose of danger.

Yes girls like danger, we like being on our toes, and we like thrills.
OF course we also like attention, gentlemens, and love.

But every case I've seen irl, it's one extreme or the other.
Nice guys bore us, and bad boys hurt us.
Balance anyone?

You put it better than me. :o Thankyous

[Ryhanna]

1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are).

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs; they love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is say you say "you better be". Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. Then, when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewelry is for pussies and asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words @#%$ you, and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then, take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then, drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because i can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye". The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the partys dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball or waterpolo.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. if you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt and say "no she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one to the face. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what i'm talking about.

21. When its raining keep asking her if she's crying. She'll say no it's just the rain. Ten minutes later, turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying you @#%$ baby. Girls like a tough man as i've already stated.

22. Titty twisters, and plenty of them.

23. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. this way she'll think you're mysterious.

24. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just
whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know
she's coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the
present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one
that much, but I think it's funny.

26. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will,
promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will
make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call that you're
going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Don't
call.


If you haven't realized by now this is a joke. These are the worst and meanest things you can do to a girl. But my question is why is it that most guys that pull this shit are the one's who get all the girls?
Do you girls like being abused?
This is a question that has been unanswered since I heard about domestic violence when I was seven. Seeing this "joke" made me wonder it again.

If I were a chick, I'd be honoured to go out with a guy like that... hahahahahahaha total joke. I just giggled at my own lame joke - yay me?

[Ryhanna]

Why can't people be balanced.
perfect dose of being nice
and the perfect dose of danger.

Yes girls like danger, we like being on our toes, and we like thrills.
OF course we also like attention, gentlemens, and love.

But every case I've seen irl, it's one extreme or the other.
Nice guys bore us, and bad boys hurt us.
Balance anyone?

oh and I hate that list, I couldn't even get through it once. idk why.

Nope. A lot of guys won't be balanced. They're too busy tring to impress everyone so they don't get bullied (bab boys) or trying hard not to do anything wrong (good boys) - Me? I'm neither of those. And I'm not in-between. I'm just me. I don't care if people think I'm weird (which they do) because I know thatr just makes them pathetic people for judging me without knowing me. And I don't play by my own rules - I bend them.

[WonderChild]

that would suck..im glad that i have only had a few girlfriends in my past.

Yea it does.. the worse thing going on is a dance in 2 weeks and my friends want me to ask her to go with me...

[Evermore]

Why can't people be balanced.
perfect dose of being nice
and the perfect dose of danger.

Yes girls like danger, we like being on our toes, and we like thrills.
OF course we also like attention, gentlemens, and love.

But every case I've seen irl, it's one extreme or the other.
Nice guys bore us, and bad boys hurt us.
Balance anyone?

oh and I hate that list, I couldn't even get through it once. idk why.

I hate the list two that's why in the OP it says "joke".
But mostly they don't know what that "perfect" doe of danger is. We can't all be sparkly vampires. If you're being bored at a guy treating you like a princess. It's your problem not the guys'.

[AllThatIsLeft]

I hate the list two that's why in the OP it says "joke".
But mostly they don't know what that "perfect" doe of danger is. We can't all be sparkly vampires. If you're being bored at a guy treating you like a princess. It's your problem not the guys'.

I never said anything about the OP. I just hate the list, it wasnt the first time i read it.
I'm not looking for a sparkly vampire, like the million twilight obsessed girls are. And i never said there was something wrong with the guys, it's just how it is. Nice guys CAN get boring, but that's not the girl's problem either. It's just differences between the two.
Why would a girl want to be someone that bores her, and why would a guy be with a girl that doesn't appreciate him.
What I said is not the absolute rule of love or something.
That's just my opinion which happens to be shared by a LOT of girls. Nothing more.

[overcome.]

I found 8 and 9 pretty damn funny.