XxHaViiK
January 10th, 2010, 04:14 PM
For as long as I can remember, I've been physically abused, mentally abused, and neglected. Even today I continue to experience the hellish way of life.
The first account of abuse I remember was being about 3-4 years old. My mom and dad were arguing about something that I can't remember, and my mom was about to leave. My mom was God in my eyes when I was a child. I went to her for EVERYTHING. But she was about to go out somewhere and I wanted to come along, but she wouldn't let me go. I had no desire of staying and being around my father because he never could really comfort me or help me. Being extremely attached to my mom, I started crying and begging her to let me come with her. Instead of kindly telling me no, she grabbed me by the throat and screamed "NOOOO!" in my face and threw me on the floor. I remember having a very sore neck, but I don't remember any bruises. Anything my mom did after that is just fragmented because it was so many years ago. I remember her saying, "FINE! You can have your little bastard pain in the ass kid!" to my dad.
Eventually my parents settled what ever was happening. To this day I don't know what the fight was about. Then my parents decided they wanted to move to a smaller town, and we did. At first, all was well in the house. We were all getting along, and I was making friends with the neighborhood kids. Things were getting pretty fun in life, and I figured everything had passed. But then my dad started buying me all kinds of stuff, like a playstation and all kinds of games and bikes. Then he'd take them away from me, sometimes within hours of giving me the stuff. He's a very sadistic freak, and I know he just did that to make me unhappy. He used the stuff he bought against me to make me do EVERYTHING for him. He was a lazy, jobless, abusive, sadistic monster. The stuff I've listed so far is nothing compared other things I've gone through.
I remember him playing a prank on me. I came home from school, being very young. He decided it would be funny to hide in the house and make it look like I was home alone. So I freaked out insanely because I'd never been home alone. I was running through the house trying find him and swearing out of panic. He heard me cussing out of panic, and decided to be even more of a dick and scare the crap out of me. After jumping out of a doorway in the house, he said to go to my room. He followed me in, and he told me to bend over. I asked why, and said, "Because I heard you cussing. And your being punished for it." I FILLED with adrenaline, but I did as he said. He had wet down his leather belt and lashed my back, butt, and legs at least 10 times. It left many marks, bruises, and broke the skin on my right leg. He took all of my things away, didn't let me eat lunch or dinner or breakfast the next day, and told all of my friends I was in trouble. He told me not to tell my mom, or I'd get in even more trouble and he'd beat me more. So being scared to death, I kept my mouth shut. The next few days I remember coming home to him being drunk and then being beat by him. My mom was kept completely unaware by him, and I thought what he was doing to me was okay but I found out much later that it was abuse.
Another account of abuse was neglect. I heavily remember it because my dad didn't let me eat for 2 days, and hardly let me get any water. If I tried to get any of the food, he'd beat me and take my stuff away from me. I remember sneaking out over to a friends house because he said I could eat with him and his family. I came home with a full stomach, but a pissed off dad. (The food I ate was good though :P) He got insanely angry with what I'd done, and took all of my stuff away and didn't let me eat dinner. He couldn't beat me because my mom was around and he didn't want her seeing.
At about the age of 11, the abuse and neglect was getting worse. I was coming home almost every single day from school to having my dad yelling at me and telling me how much of a "little spoiled fat ugly shithead" I was. Yes, at the time I was fairly chubby, but it gives a parent no right to insult their own children about it. I was coming home to him yelling at me every day. And beating me quite often. Taking my stuff away from me, not letting me eat, and constantly making fun of me. It killed my self esteem. I starting closing myself off at school from other people, and my grades started dropping. By 7th grade, I'd gone into an anti-social state. I would hardly talk to anyone, and cut myself off from everyone because I was believing everything my dad told me. Eventually I'd got extremely miserable and went into self harm. The day I got into that was actually an accident. I was hanging a poster in my room, and cut myself with a thumb tack. At the time I was crying, but felt that release of endorphins from the cut. I didn't feel so bad anymore. Like the cut just leaked all of that pain away.
2 days later, my dad had screamed and insulted me. So I tried the thumb tack again. I got serious the self harm and was at it almost every night. My wrists, legs, and chest suffered from it. Eventually I was sneaking razor blades from my parents bathroom. It was the ONLY release I had from all of the depression I was experiencing.
By the age of 13, I was completely different from what I'd been. At the time, I thought I was the same as I've always been. But now I realize then when I was younger, I was always hyperactive, outgoing, but kind of shy. When I got older, I was quiet, depressed, careless, and suicidal. I never talked to anyone, and gave up on trying anything new. All of this had been caused by my father. Eventually I told my grandma, aunt, and cousins about what my dad was doing to me. They all pretty much just gave me a middle finger so I felt very alone. I knew it was abuse I experiencing. I didn't want to tell the police because I knew my mom would be busted too. And I didn't want to kill myself, although I tried. A few months before my parents were arrested for domestic violence, I tried to just kill myself because no one was helping me. I won't go into detail because I hate thinking about it.
Now for more current events: My mom got a boyfriend, and it looked like she was finally happy. My dad had been kicked out, and was living in some crappy trailer. Then I found myself a girl :P Trish. Girl of my dreams. I was kind of naughty and was having her over when my mom was at her boyfriends. We spent Halloween night together at my house. It was probably the most fun I'd had for many years. We were both insane for each other, then I got a message on Facebook saying she was being forced off to San Bernardino, California. I went back into a stage of depression. Just telling my mom to go to her boyfriends and all I'd do was sit and cry because I missed her so damned much. Then my mom told me she was pregnant and had her boyfriend and 4 kids move in the house. Our house isn't really meant to house this many people. 5 kids(including me), her, her boyfriend, and a baby on the way. Things have really been interesting, and we've had out moments in the family, both funny and bad.
To anyone that actually took the time to read all of my rambling, thank you :P
Please don't post full names publicly, thanks.
~ .Tuxedo Mask.
The first account of abuse I remember was being about 3-4 years old. My mom and dad were arguing about something that I can't remember, and my mom was about to leave. My mom was God in my eyes when I was a child. I went to her for EVERYTHING. But she was about to go out somewhere and I wanted to come along, but she wouldn't let me go. I had no desire of staying and being around my father because he never could really comfort me or help me. Being extremely attached to my mom, I started crying and begging her to let me come with her. Instead of kindly telling me no, she grabbed me by the throat and screamed "NOOOO!" in my face and threw me on the floor. I remember having a very sore neck, but I don't remember any bruises. Anything my mom did after that is just fragmented because it was so many years ago. I remember her saying, "FINE! You can have your little bastard pain in the ass kid!" to my dad.
Eventually my parents settled what ever was happening. To this day I don't know what the fight was about. Then my parents decided they wanted to move to a smaller town, and we did. At first, all was well in the house. We were all getting along, and I was making friends with the neighborhood kids. Things were getting pretty fun in life, and I figured everything had passed. But then my dad started buying me all kinds of stuff, like a playstation and all kinds of games and bikes. Then he'd take them away from me, sometimes within hours of giving me the stuff. He's a very sadistic freak, and I know he just did that to make me unhappy. He used the stuff he bought against me to make me do EVERYTHING for him. He was a lazy, jobless, abusive, sadistic monster. The stuff I've listed so far is nothing compared other things I've gone through.
I remember him playing a prank on me. I came home from school, being very young. He decided it would be funny to hide in the house and make it look like I was home alone. So I freaked out insanely because I'd never been home alone. I was running through the house trying find him and swearing out of panic. He heard me cussing out of panic, and decided to be even more of a dick and scare the crap out of me. After jumping out of a doorway in the house, he said to go to my room. He followed me in, and he told me to bend over. I asked why, and said, "Because I heard you cussing. And your being punished for it." I FILLED with adrenaline, but I did as he said. He had wet down his leather belt and lashed my back, butt, and legs at least 10 times. It left many marks, bruises, and broke the skin on my right leg. He took all of my things away, didn't let me eat lunch or dinner or breakfast the next day, and told all of my friends I was in trouble. He told me not to tell my mom, or I'd get in even more trouble and he'd beat me more. So being scared to death, I kept my mouth shut. The next few days I remember coming home to him being drunk and then being beat by him. My mom was kept completely unaware by him, and I thought what he was doing to me was okay but I found out much later that it was abuse.
Another account of abuse was neglect. I heavily remember it because my dad didn't let me eat for 2 days, and hardly let me get any water. If I tried to get any of the food, he'd beat me and take my stuff away from me. I remember sneaking out over to a friends house because he said I could eat with him and his family. I came home with a full stomach, but a pissed off dad. (The food I ate was good though :P) He got insanely angry with what I'd done, and took all of my stuff away and didn't let me eat dinner. He couldn't beat me because my mom was around and he didn't want her seeing.
At about the age of 11, the abuse and neglect was getting worse. I was coming home almost every single day from school to having my dad yelling at me and telling me how much of a "little spoiled fat ugly shithead" I was. Yes, at the time I was fairly chubby, but it gives a parent no right to insult their own children about it. I was coming home to him yelling at me every day. And beating me quite often. Taking my stuff away from me, not letting me eat, and constantly making fun of me. It killed my self esteem. I starting closing myself off at school from other people, and my grades started dropping. By 7th grade, I'd gone into an anti-social state. I would hardly talk to anyone, and cut myself off from everyone because I was believing everything my dad told me. Eventually I'd got extremely miserable and went into self harm. The day I got into that was actually an accident. I was hanging a poster in my room, and cut myself with a thumb tack. At the time I was crying, but felt that release of endorphins from the cut. I didn't feel so bad anymore. Like the cut just leaked all of that pain away.
2 days later, my dad had screamed and insulted me. So I tried the thumb tack again. I got serious the self harm and was at it almost every night. My wrists, legs, and chest suffered from it. Eventually I was sneaking razor blades from my parents bathroom. It was the ONLY release I had from all of the depression I was experiencing.
By the age of 13, I was completely different from what I'd been. At the time, I thought I was the same as I've always been. But now I realize then when I was younger, I was always hyperactive, outgoing, but kind of shy. When I got older, I was quiet, depressed, careless, and suicidal. I never talked to anyone, and gave up on trying anything new. All of this had been caused by my father. Eventually I told my grandma, aunt, and cousins about what my dad was doing to me. They all pretty much just gave me a middle finger so I felt very alone. I knew it was abuse I experiencing. I didn't want to tell the police because I knew my mom would be busted too. And I didn't want to kill myself, although I tried. A few months before my parents were arrested for domestic violence, I tried to just kill myself because no one was helping me. I won't go into detail because I hate thinking about it.
Now for more current events: My mom got a boyfriend, and it looked like she was finally happy. My dad had been kicked out, and was living in some crappy trailer. Then I found myself a girl :P Trish. Girl of my dreams. I was kind of naughty and was having her over when my mom was at her boyfriends. We spent Halloween night together at my house. It was probably the most fun I'd had for many years. We were both insane for each other, then I got a message on Facebook saying she was being forced off to San Bernardino, California. I went back into a stage of depression. Just telling my mom to go to her boyfriends and all I'd do was sit and cry because I missed her so damned much. Then my mom told me she was pregnant and had her boyfriend and 4 kids move in the house. Our house isn't really meant to house this many people. 5 kids(including me), her, her boyfriend, and a baby on the way. Things have really been interesting, and we've had out moments in the family, both funny and bad.
To anyone that actually took the time to read all of my rambling, thank you :P
Please don't post full names publicly, thanks.
~ .Tuxedo Mask.