BeautifulDisaster
January 9th, 2010, 08:08 PM
Hey everyone.
My name is Aimee, I'm 17.
I'm new here, but I'm certainly not new to the traumas & distress of abuse, neglect & bullying.
Quite a lot of emotional, mental, verbal & physical abuse & neglect has gone on in my life, from the majority of my family members, for as long as I can remember...
My biological father abused, neglected & came in & out of my life as he pleased.
He refused to return me home after he was told by my mother that it was only for a few days when I was about 9 years old, & he used me as a weapon against my mother.
I said some pretty awful things(it's in the court papers), & I was very hostile & confused, I don't remember clearly what happened, it's fragmented, & I don't want to lie, so I'll leave it at that.
I was returned home by order of the court 2 and a half weeks later.
I have overdosed multiple times & injured myself multiple times because of him.
I haven't seen him since 06.
I took a huge step & I told him I want nothing to do with him & for him to stay out of my life.
He is not a father to me, in the slightest, & I'm glad I stood up to him.
He can play his mind games & take his abuse & neglect away from me.
I'm done with it, & I'm done with him.
The memories are still distressing, however, & the damage has affected me, & my life quite severely.
My mother is an alcoholic, & I do not know her without alcohol.
She neglects me, & in the past, has physically abused me, that has stopped now, & she on & off abuses me & she favorites my elder sister, who is 19, & this isn't coming from jealousy, she truly does & it makes me extremely upset & feel very left out, & the black sheep of the family, & also the scapegoat.
Occasionally, there are days where she can be okay... but it doesn't last long, & it's not enough.
The memories of what she has done to me, & continues to do to me, stick with me & they are, as all of my bad memories are, distressful.
Now, onto my sister.
She, in my opinion, fits the profile of a narcissistic, she has been absolutely vile to me, & she has physically abused me, as well as emotionally, verbally, & mentally.
I do not consider her a sister to me.
I try to avoid as much drama with her as possible.
To be frank, I'm quite scared of her.
She lives with my mother & me still, I'm hoping she will move out sooner, rather than later, as she is 19 & she keeps saying that she'll move out, but I think she just loves the control she has around us all & the fear of her & how she practically rules this house.
I don't think she has a heart, at all.
She is also very cruel to her boyfriend, and my mother at times too, which makes me wonder why she favorites her... :what:
Other family members such as cousins, aunts & an uncle have also been involved in taking the pleasure of abusing & bullying me, & using me as the scapegoat.
I have also been sexually abused & molested by my step brother & cousin.
Since I was quite young, around 9-10, I've also had multiple incidents with many boys of being molested & sexually harassed, up until last year, when I left school.
I have been severely bullied, these were around the years of 12 through to the last year of school, which was last year, as I've said.
I dropped out of school in year 7/8 due to the severe bullying, & also because of other problems I was having, & I returned in late year 9 to a special educational needs school after being given a special educational needs statement.
This impacted me a lot, and caused deterioration in my learning skills, self esteem and confidence.
I still remember so much of what they said to me, & it has affected me so badly.
It is one of the main reasons why I developed Eating Disorders, & self harming behavior, & suicidal feelings.
All this abuse, neglect, sexual abuse/molest/sexual harassment, bullying, have caused so much distress & chaos in my life.
Some memories are vivid & distressing, & some are blurred, fragmented, & some, barely a memory at all of what exactly happened, sort of blocked out with the pieces of the puzzle muddled up, & I can't make complete sense of it... it distresses me so much & I don't know what to do, or how to cope with this.
Thank you for reading, I appreciate it, & I appreciate any support given.
Take care, & I hope you all have a good, safe night.
My name is Aimee, I'm 17.
I'm new here, but I'm certainly not new to the traumas & distress of abuse, neglect & bullying.
Quite a lot of emotional, mental, verbal & physical abuse & neglect has gone on in my life, from the majority of my family members, for as long as I can remember...
My biological father abused, neglected & came in & out of my life as he pleased.
He refused to return me home after he was told by my mother that it was only for a few days when I was about 9 years old, & he used me as a weapon against my mother.
I said some pretty awful things(it's in the court papers), & I was very hostile & confused, I don't remember clearly what happened, it's fragmented, & I don't want to lie, so I'll leave it at that.
I was returned home by order of the court 2 and a half weeks later.
I have overdosed multiple times & injured myself multiple times because of him.
I haven't seen him since 06.
I took a huge step & I told him I want nothing to do with him & for him to stay out of my life.
He is not a father to me, in the slightest, & I'm glad I stood up to him.
He can play his mind games & take his abuse & neglect away from me.
I'm done with it, & I'm done with him.
The memories are still distressing, however, & the damage has affected me, & my life quite severely.
My mother is an alcoholic, & I do not know her without alcohol.
She neglects me, & in the past, has physically abused me, that has stopped now, & she on & off abuses me & she favorites my elder sister, who is 19, & this isn't coming from jealousy, she truly does & it makes me extremely upset & feel very left out, & the black sheep of the family, & also the scapegoat.
Occasionally, there are days where she can be okay... but it doesn't last long, & it's not enough.
The memories of what she has done to me, & continues to do to me, stick with me & they are, as all of my bad memories are, distressful.
Now, onto my sister.
She, in my opinion, fits the profile of a narcissistic, she has been absolutely vile to me, & she has physically abused me, as well as emotionally, verbally, & mentally.
I do not consider her a sister to me.
I try to avoid as much drama with her as possible.
To be frank, I'm quite scared of her.
She lives with my mother & me still, I'm hoping she will move out sooner, rather than later, as she is 19 & she keeps saying that she'll move out, but I think she just loves the control she has around us all & the fear of her & how she practically rules this house.
I don't think she has a heart, at all.
She is also very cruel to her boyfriend, and my mother at times too, which makes me wonder why she favorites her... :what:
Other family members such as cousins, aunts & an uncle have also been involved in taking the pleasure of abusing & bullying me, & using me as the scapegoat.
I have also been sexually abused & molested by my step brother & cousin.
Since I was quite young, around 9-10, I've also had multiple incidents with many boys of being molested & sexually harassed, up until last year, when I left school.
I have been severely bullied, these were around the years of 12 through to the last year of school, which was last year, as I've said.
I dropped out of school in year 7/8 due to the severe bullying, & also because of other problems I was having, & I returned in late year 9 to a special educational needs school after being given a special educational needs statement.
This impacted me a lot, and caused deterioration in my learning skills, self esteem and confidence.
I still remember so much of what they said to me, & it has affected me so badly.
It is one of the main reasons why I developed Eating Disorders, & self harming behavior, & suicidal feelings.
All this abuse, neglect, sexual abuse/molest/sexual harassment, bullying, have caused so much distress & chaos in my life.
Some memories are vivid & distressing, & some are blurred, fragmented, & some, barely a memory at all of what exactly happened, sort of blocked out with the pieces of the puzzle muddled up, & I can't make complete sense of it... it distresses me so much & I don't know what to do, or how to cope with this.
Thank you for reading, I appreciate it, & I appreciate any support given.
Take care, & I hope you all have a good, safe night.