1_21Guns
January 9th, 2010, 04:02 PM
I don't even know anymore, I haven't done for a long time. I don't know who I am. I've had to change so much over the years i've lost who I really am, yet the things I changed to escape haven't gone away. The pieces of me I tried so hard to lose haven't gone. They come back and its like i'm someone else completely. I'd figured some time ago there was like an "old me" and a "new me" from before and after I changed, because old me never really disapeared.. its like she comes back without me knowing and I do things that people wouldn't usually have me down to do.
She was like a completely different person to how I am now, in some ways good, others not so good. Yeah she was confident happy and all the rest, but I nearly lost everything while I was her, which is why I changed or atleast I tried to. After a few failed attempts at changing I became who I am now.. shy, extreme lack of confidence and all the rest... its just crazy. Now i'm wondering if theres more "me's" because some things I do aren't what either person would do, they're just random...
I don't know who I am anymore, its getting in the way of things and slowly making me as messed up as I was a few months ago again because its all suddenly hit me again... I know I should have control over the swapping and changing, but it seriously feels like I don't. One minute i'll be how people know me, the next i'll be thinking like I used to.
This probably makes no sense at all, its kinda hard to put into words. I'm just so lost and confused. I want me back. Not the me's that I made up in the process.
She was like a completely different person to how I am now, in some ways good, others not so good. Yeah she was confident happy and all the rest, but I nearly lost everything while I was her, which is why I changed or atleast I tried to. After a few failed attempts at changing I became who I am now.. shy, extreme lack of confidence and all the rest... its just crazy. Now i'm wondering if theres more "me's" because some things I do aren't what either person would do, they're just random...
I don't know who I am anymore, its getting in the way of things and slowly making me as messed up as I was a few months ago again because its all suddenly hit me again... I know I should have control over the swapping and changing, but it seriously feels like I don't. One minute i'll be how people know me, the next i'll be thinking like I used to.
This probably makes no sense at all, its kinda hard to put into words. I'm just so lost and confused. I want me back. Not the me's that I made up in the process.