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Vicarious
January 8th, 2010, 08:21 PM
Hey guys, it's been a while since I posted, but I was active last spring.

Anyways, I have a bit of an issue/rant here.

First, I'm 18. I turned 18 in December. I realize I can't do everything I want yet since I still live under my mom's roof, but in my opinion, she's being ridiculous.

As a bit of background info, my mom is "allergic" to everything on the face of the earth. Smoke, pollen, grass. Anything with a scent, and any pet at all. Therefore, we (my brothers and I) cannot use Axe, Tag, or ANY scented deodorant. Let's just say when she catches us, it isn't pretty. I got Degree Pure Sport deodorant from my Dad for Christmas, and after a week of using it, she figured out I was using it, grounded me for a month, and made me do all of my laundry from the past week myself.

She never lets me do anything I want to. I spend most nights at home on my laptop because I'm so incredibly bored and she won't let me go anywhere. Even though my license lets me drive whenever I want, she won't let me out after 9 most nights, even weekends. It's my own car, too, so it doesn't really affect her.

I've been dating my girlfriend for 10 months now, and I can hardly see her. My mom never lets me go over to her house when I ask; her reason is I'd smell like smoke since her dad smokes. This is ridiculous, when I go there I immediately shower when I come home and put my smoky clothes in the garage and it never bothers her. Still, even when I offer to do this, she says it would bother her. Her "allergies" affect my life in many small ways. It isn't my primary complaint though, since it really isn't a big deal (besides the not being able to see my girlfriend issue).

I say "allergies" because they really are questionable. She is a huge hypocrite. Her new boyfriend drinks all the time at our house, when she never even let my dad have a beer in the house. He wears scented deodorants and aftershaves, and my mom even let their family get me a scented air freshener for Christmas. The same mom that ripped my dad a new asshole for having one in his car.

You may be wondering if I deserve to be able to do more. If I'm responsible enough. I've been in all honors and AP classes since 9th grade. I'm 11th in a class of almost 300, and have a 3.7 unweighted. I am an AP Scholar, and I'm in NHS. I'm the lead in the school musical, and All-State musician on both trumpet and vocals, and do too much more to list. I almost always do everything my mom asks of me. I'd say I'm pretty responsible. Sure, I forget a few things or put my clean clothes away a few days after I get them, but I'm in school from 6:30 - 5:30, it's hard to keep up with chores sometimes.

Still, whenever I ask my mom to do something, she searches for a reason to tell me no. I remember one time this past summer when I wanted to go to the movies with friends. I had just cut the grass and taken a shower. She looked outside and told me I couldn't go because I didn't move the one stick she told me to move out of the yard. After offering to move it before I left, she told me I couldn't go and it didn't matter, since I didn't do it the first time she asked I couldn't go.

This insanity is bringing me to the point of considering leaving and living with my dad. She can't realize I am responsible and she should, at the risk of sounding self-centered, be happy to have a son like me who isn't into smoking or drugs or drinking and who is going to go to a top college.

What I'm asking is is this normal behavior for a mom or is mine really overbearing like I think she is? And, any advice on how to deal with this?

Mr. Smithers
January 8th, 2010, 09:02 PM
It is but it isn't. I hate to say it but if you are living under her roof, whatever she says goes. About the doing chores before you go out, I don't know who isn't allowed to do chores before they go out to the movies. If you feel you need more freedom, because I agree you are 18 and you should be able to have more freedom, sit down and talk to her like the adult you now legally are.

Vicarious
January 8th, 2010, 09:33 PM
I've tried. She says if I don't like it I can just move out. And I would but it isn't that simple, my dad lives 30 minutes away. I just don't understand what more she wants me to do, it's ridiculous. I should be allowed to hang out with my friends when I want and when I have my work done.

TheKingDavis
January 8th, 2010, 09:55 PM
I should be allowed to hang out with my friends when I want

I know you hate hearing this, but everyone is correct, it is her house

so she can make all the crazy/ stupid rules she wants

Kahn
January 8th, 2010, 10:11 PM
Hope thats Buffalo New York you live dude. If it's Tonawanda that would be crazy because my Dad lives there and I lived there for 4 years.

Anyway. They are right. It is her house. She can make the rules. But if I were you I would move out to my fathers. She doesn't sound like the greatest mother.

CairAndros
January 10th, 2010, 04:32 PM
Whilst it is her house and therefore her rules I think that she is taking it a bit too far with what she is doing. Now, Im Scottish so I don't really understand the American education system but from what I know it seems like you are doing well. So this should translate into some "brownie points" for you in terms of going out. I also perfectly agree with you on the drinking, smoking bit etc and that should again be "rewarded" by allowing you to do more things when you ask to do them i.e. go out with mates/see your girlfriend.

As for the allergies, I would sit down and talk to her about them because if what you have said is true, and im not calling you a liar or anything but I don't live with you so I can't say that you aren't exaggerating a bit etc, then it is totally unfair that she has one set of rules for you and another for other people.

So, I personally think that you should sit down with her and just tell her how you feel and how you feel it is affecting your life and that you are not asking to have massive parties in the house or go out for days on end but to just have a more social life in terms of going out with your mates and seeing your girlfriend