the hardest thing is not knowing

[Waiting]

Yes, i'm still here,
probably over a month since i last posted,
i dont know why christmas time is so hard for me,
it always brings out my depression big style,
but the hardest thing is not knowing whats wrong, and how i can fix it
my medication is scatty, half of this is my fault,
i've given up on councilling, i really liked my last councillor aswell,
and he keeps leaving me answer phone messages, worried,
but i really dont have the motivation to go.
i am the definition of mess.