Rutherford The Brave
December 25th, 2009, 11:16 PM
Ok, so first off let me just say that I hope everyone enjoyed their christmas. Now that I got that out of the way I will move on to my story.
So ever since Jessie died, I've been feeling like I lost the best thing in my life. The two of us used to cuddle under one blanket and listening to music for hours. We had some great christmasses (I have no clue, do not ask me I assume that its the plural form.) I remember in 2004 when we started dating, I went over her house and her whole family was there, and the two of us were basically the talk of all of her family. I learned that day what the real warmth of Christmas was like, rather than having my dad be drunk and have like 2 gifts. Or like with my foster parents who would have friends over and drink wine and eat cheese.
Ok, getting to this story (I haven't told anybody this really.) Jessie and I, like I said were incredibly close, and one day she had been angry about what I said. Well, I was dealing with an incredible amount of crap this year and it was right around christmas time. When I lived with my foster parebts, I never really got presents I just got clothes. I was scared, scared of the answers, and scared to face the truth. She screamed at me on this day, she screamed because she cared and had enough. I freaked, without thinking I ran. I was scared there was nothing I could do I was so afraid.
(let me just say, Jessie never really yelled. It would be an odd thing for her to yell because she just could not do it. She would of usually just sat me down and told me what she thought. So for her to scream at me was bad.)
The reason why she was mad at me was because she had been giving me a place to stay, without her parents knowing. Except, I was begging her I needed to get out of my foster parents house. The night before we had gotten caught. Since I basically forced her to do it, she was mad.
In my fear, like I stated earlier I ran. I ran to the "Bridge" which is links my town to Historical Salem Mass. On this day it was snowing and freezing, and I stood there just trying to gain the strength to jump. I finally leaned over but I couldn't do it. Soon after a cop came and asked me if I was ok and that I shouldn't do it. I told him I couldn't, and he drove me home. I was so afraid to tell Jessie, so afraid to even commit to her if I was going to lie. So I did something I totally regret. I had planned to give her a ring, I know we were sooooo young but we both knew it. Yet since I could not be honest with her and myself I didn't do it.
Now shes dead, and I'm stuck her on christmas night wondering what could've been....
http://img192.imageshack.us/img192/4955/71419074.png (http://img192.imageshack.us/i/71419074.png/)
So ever since Jessie died, I've been feeling like I lost the best thing in my life. The two of us used to cuddle under one blanket and listening to music for hours. We had some great christmasses (I have no clue, do not ask me I assume that its the plural form.) I remember in 2004 when we started dating, I went over her house and her whole family was there, and the two of us were basically the talk of all of her family. I learned that day what the real warmth of Christmas was like, rather than having my dad be drunk and have like 2 gifts. Or like with my foster parents who would have friends over and drink wine and eat cheese.
Ok, getting to this story (I haven't told anybody this really.) Jessie and I, like I said were incredibly close, and one day she had been angry about what I said. Well, I was dealing with an incredible amount of crap this year and it was right around christmas time. When I lived with my foster parebts, I never really got presents I just got clothes. I was scared, scared of the answers, and scared to face the truth. She screamed at me on this day, she screamed because she cared and had enough. I freaked, without thinking I ran. I was scared there was nothing I could do I was so afraid.
(let me just say, Jessie never really yelled. It would be an odd thing for her to yell because she just could not do it. She would of usually just sat me down and told me what she thought. So for her to scream at me was bad.)
The reason why she was mad at me was because she had been giving me a place to stay, without her parents knowing. Except, I was begging her I needed to get out of my foster parents house. The night before we had gotten caught. Since I basically forced her to do it, she was mad.
In my fear, like I stated earlier I ran. I ran to the "Bridge" which is links my town to Historical Salem Mass. On this day it was snowing and freezing, and I stood there just trying to gain the strength to jump. I finally leaned over but I couldn't do it. Soon after a cop came and asked me if I was ok and that I shouldn't do it. I told him I couldn't, and he drove me home. I was so afraid to tell Jessie, so afraid to even commit to her if I was going to lie. So I did something I totally regret. I had planned to give her a ring, I know we were sooooo young but we both knew it. Yet since I could not be honest with her and myself I didn't do it.
Now shes dead, and I'm stuck her on christmas night wondering what could've been....
http://img192.imageshack.us/img192/4955/71419074.png (http://img192.imageshack.us/i/71419074.png/)