My thoughts

[Gir1337]

enddd

[2D]

First, pull yourself together, man. Here's my generic advice. Be a selfish bastard, live for yourself or be a slave. As soon as you give they take, once you're not happy it's time to leave.

Focus on maintaining your sanity. Focus on doing what you love for yourself and only yourself. If you don't like where you're at or what you're doing, then change. I know that's hard at 13 but it's possible. If you still like running then start running. If you like baseball find a team. If you like smoking weed then smoke yourself comatose. (Not really, everything in moderation man) And if you ever need to talk, scream. I find that ripping people apart with words is a great sanity-saver. And running fast is also nice in case the person is the 1% of people that don't avoid conflict. But if that doesn't make you happy then don't do it.

[Aspiringanonymous]

I really am a good athlete, won championship in baseball last year. I'm extremely smart. But theres things around me depressing.
You've summarized the situation well. There is nothing inherently wrong with you. You are being forced to carry out your existence in an environment which is incompatible with your inner nature, which in turn negatively influences well-being and relationships with others. I was like that for most of what I could remember, and after numerous failed professional and self-guided "treatments", a change in immediate living environment was all it took to lift that suffocating veil. I never believed a single person who said my state of being would improve once I started living alone, until it actually happened, through a miraculous turn of events at 14 years of age. It saved my life, and I haven't been the same since.

It's unfortunate that our surroundings can have such a crucial influence on our experiences and perceptions of life. But it is what it is, and the only thing we can do for the time being is attempt to make the most with the hand which fate dealt us. Hopefully, to lessen the intensity of unpleasant emotions, and perhaps even find meaning in its existence. Yes, even pain is meaningful, for without it there could be no pleasure. Just keep that in mind; there is value to be sought in all experiences, positive and negative.

Turning to a potentially harmful substance for comfort is not going to do any good in the long run - you know that. I understand the urge, the desperation which drives one to consider something like this, but you really need to think twice.

Remember, that nothing is constant in this existence, except for change. Feelings come and will go, perceptions continue to evolve, and states of mind consistently shifting to take on new angles. This will pass. Believe me on that one.