In need of some help.

[Schizothemia]

I've had a long history of abuse. My father was a drunk, and not just any drunk, he was a mean drunk. To put it into perspective, when I was 6, he beat me to the point to where he had broken two of my ribs. I was constantly in school with bruises, but he always made me wore long sweaters to cover up the bruises. Things only got harder because he was never around, and when he was it was him being drunk, and abusive. Things only got worse after my mom passed away (he didn't do anything to her, she died of Colon Cancer.) To the point where I called the cops and he was arrested. This led to me living alone for a while, and having to do things for money.

Presently, I'm in a household that isn't that much better. The only issue is it isn't so much physical abuse as it is mental. I'm constantly being cursed at by my uncle, especially ever since I came out. To him, I no longer have a name, he just calls me "Fagboy." If it isn't that its him constantly talking about how much he hates having to take care of me, and how he wishes I'd move out. This is the man my aunt married, however she moved out a while ago (which that just reminded me of my mothers death, because it was the second time I lost my "mom.") And well I don't know what to do. He feeds me and gives me shelter, but is constantly saying things about me. Should I just tough it out my last year of high school or find some place else to go. I'm really lost in this whole thing. Part of me wants to just do nothing, just because I'm so used to the abuse, and am already expecting things to get physical at the rate this is continuing.

I thank anyone who reads this because I'm really lost. =/

[Bougainvillea]

Ugh. Once again, you make me feel like crying. If you went to the same scholl, you'd be my best friend.

My mom used to make me wear turtle neck sweaters. Because of bruises. I think that's why I took up exercising. To feel like I can protect myself?

I would wait for your last year of school to end, but while that process is taking place, try looking for a place to live. Apartments, friends, etc. That way, once school ends, you have a place ready for you.

I'd take you in, but, my girlfriend is already living with me because her father is abusive.

I really hope this all works out well for you.

[Schizothemia]

Aww, I'm sorry. My intent by no means is to make you cry.

I've been looking for a place to stay however the cost of living here in California is pretty expensive, especially in my area. To rent a One Bedroom, One bath is about $750. So currently, I'm seeing if any of my college friends are able to take me in because they have their own apartment, and me moving in would only lower their costs. However its a hard struggle. And trying to get all my stuff ready for college while still finding time to keep looking for a place AND keeping up my 4.0 GPA for my final transcripts I'm especially feeling stressed.

Then to come home to an uncle who is drunk and high and treats me like crap, it makes me feel like sometimes it isn't worth all this hassle, but I keep going on because I have my mom in mind, always.

[Bougainvillea]

Let it be known. Richard has given me my first tear. Ever from the internet.

Can't you request to be put in foster care?

[Schizothemia]

Let it be known. Richard has given me my first tear. Ever from the internet.

Can't you request to be put in foster care?

I could, but most foster families are not willing to take in a 17 year old. I'm just "too old."

I'm willing to wait it out, but its just getting to be too hard to handle sometimes. Its just starting to interfere with my mentality.

[Bougainvillea]

Did your mom have any family you can live with? Grandparents? Aunts?

And I know what you mean. I understand what it feels like. Having your sanity deteriorate minute by minute. You just have to do something constructive. Keep your mind on other things. Join a sport. Spend the day at the library.

[Schizothemia]

Well I'm living with her sister's husband right now. My dad's side of the family is out of the question because they have excommunicated me because of my homosexuality.

As for keeping the constructive thing going, I act for my school, but even now its hard to keep my mind focused like it should be, and my sanity is slipping into this messed up reality.

[Bougainvillea]

I don't really see any other way, then. You're just going to have to deal, until you graduate.

Reality is an inevitability. Just like death. It's something you're going to be faced with constantly. Be strong. Overcome obstacles, and rise against those who oppose, while helping the less fortunate along the way. Great rewards will come. Rewards of self satisfaction. If you survive.

[Schizothemia]

I know I'll survive, its just going to be hell in order to do so. I've survived the death of both my parents, and my best friend dying in my arms. I've survived an abusive father, and next on that list will be a drug addicted, abusive Uncle.

I wish it was easier, and I do wish their were alternatives, but unfortunately I'll have to just stick it out. =/

[Bougainvillea]

I've was exposed to harshness of the world, at a young age. Witnessing my father's murder, and being exposed to the after affects of that. Spending hours at the gym, and trying to get as much time spehnt at school as I can. It's a hard life. Especially for children. We were the less fortunate. But you know what? We will be the leaders of our generation. We will be the strong ones. Because the worst that could've happened has already passed. We understand the harshness of the world.

I really hope you'll be okay.

I feel so close to you, even though I just met you.

[Schizothemia]

I feel the same Lawrence. Despite the past hour or so we've been communicating in various threads I do feel like I've known you for a while.

We do both have our own troublesome share of experiences, and I'm glad you were here to help me vent. Because I've just been getting so sick of the walking into my house and seeing him there on the couch, a beer in one hand, a joint in the other.

[Bougainvillea]

Me too.
I haven't vented in a while. It feels good to let it loose.

Have you ever considered calling the police?

[Schizothemia]

Yes, but that would leave me in a worse off situation because it would only lead to me being homeless. The reason my Aunt moved was to take care of her son because he is a drug addict and a Schizophrenic. So if she catches wind I turned him in, she'll kick me out, just the same. So it would be a lose-lose. =/

[Bougainvillea]

Well...fuck.

Are there no organizations that will help?

[Schizothemia]

None that I can think of off the top of my head. It really is a messed up situation, but from the looks of things one I'm stuck in. =/

[Bougainvillea]

I just feel bad now.
I feel like I can do something, but don't. :(

[Schizothemia]

I ask of you not to feel bad, simply because it'll make me feel worse. I've always had an extra sense for empathy, and if someone feels bad, I feel it too, and even worse if I'm the cause.

I'm honestly wracking my brain, trying to think of a feasible solution. =/

[Bougainvillea]

Well, then I feel amazing.

I really do hope that you find peace. It's heartbreaking. It's always the good people, that horrible things happen to.

[Ballin2much]

Live with a friend for a little while, maybe some relatives. i feel rly bad for you

[peaceloverugby]

Richard, I think the best thing for you to do right now is focus on school. You've made it sooo far, and you've just got one semester left. Believe me, I know it's hard (I wish couldn't relate, but I can :(), but you have to prove that you're better than all this. You're a smart kid, have a fucking awesome GPA, and you're going to be a successful adult. Stay strong!