Tell Me What You Think

[Fourth Dimension]

In My Spare Time I Have Been Writing A Book Its About Vampire Hookers(LOL IK KINDA A WIERD TOPIC) Anyway Im Wanting Opinions So Ima Post A Section Of It Its A Rough Draft Tell Me What You Think


i was 17 when he found me. cold and alone on the streets of los angeles i was a runaway from minnisota i left home when i was 13 life at home was not greatest ever heard pinks song family portrate thats nothing compared to what i went through my parents were drug additcs abusive at a young age my father stole my innocene i could never trust him but this he is sapos to be the only man i could trust it happened for years the abuse the pain and one day i coulnt take it anymore so i packed up what little possions i had a few clothes and a pack of ciggerttes i know my parents were such big spenders anyway so i left never to return 4 years later i found my self in california do what i could to survive steal deal anything i ended up working in a gentelmens club dancing leting men sweat gin on me i promiced myself i would never do it but i was desperate and needed the money as my shift ended i found myself walking the streets i had no home so it was sleep where i could dumpsters alleys anywhere i found my way to hollywood and vine i had been saying in a dumpster on rodeo drive behing gucci luckily to keep me warm there were tons of discared out of season clothes in there but as i get ready to cross the busy road he appeared he was tall and mysterious he said do you need help more than likely commenting on the blood dripping from my head you know the life in those strip clubs when the men get drunk the get angry and start a fight i ended up geting a beer bottle smahed on to my head while trying to break up a fight yea i was also a bouncer i said no thankyou ill be alright let me help you he said i can take you to a hospital it looks bad ill be fine i say in a low wimper finally i agree and he hailes a cab and takes me to the hospital while in the cab we got to talking we decided since i was a drifter he would go in with me and say he was my father an hour and 15 stiches later we leave and he asked if i would like to stay at his house for the night a nice warm bed i thought how it was never like that at home no more like a cot on the floor of a roach infested 2 room appartment so i agreed when we got there thats when it wall statred.......


Tell Me What You Think Ik It Needs Punctuation And Spelling Correction As I Said Its A Rough Draft And When I get To Typing Fast I Mess Words Up

[Aspiringanonymous]

You answered your own query; it needs massive grammatical revision. At the very least, use punctuation marks. Not because I'm trying to be a grammar nazi, but such errors cause significant lack of clarity when it comes to the actual ideas. The lack of sentences most of all.

Type using proper conventions the first time. Please. It's not at all difficult to do. Not only does it save a lot of your own time by not needing to go back and fix twenty things in every sentence, not to mention adding a dozen or so periods to form sentences at all, your creation will gain much more merit with its audience. There is little purpose in discussing content when structural lacking is so severe that it takes away any focus the reader may have on the actual content.

Strictly speaking, this constitutes a freewrite at most.

[meygan]

storys awesome so far.

but yeah, the grammer makes it kinda hard to read . but fix it and it'll be good :)

[AncientCatastrophe]

The story is great but if your going to edit it then I suggest placing some punctuation marks and how about organizing the sentences so it would be more attracting and easy to read......But really the story I great :photo::photo:

[Fourth Dimension]

Well As I Said It Does Need Proofreading Right Now As Of This Point Its Like A Giant Run On Sentence Which I Have Been Working On Correcting But Thankx To Everyone Who Has Read It And Thanks For Saying Its Good It Really Means Allot To Me