"Friendship" to "Dominate Sexual Relationship"

[Renderman]

I'm currently, and madly in love with one of my closest friends. I've let her know how I felt, and she has too. We've had some of our encounters of making out, and almost close to having sex, TWICE, but when it comes down to asking out, she says that I need to be more "Dominate" about everything, more assertive. My only question is, how far? She told me I should be more sexually dominate, as to, throw her on the bed and basically have my way with her, but same question, how far is to far? Really struck me when I found out she was into stuff like that, something she never told ANYONE. I'm only wondering how I could do that without looking like a jerk.. I failed to be dominate one night not to long ago when it was just me and her in my bed watching a movie. I leaned over and kissed her neck, and she laughed and told me not to go a step further. I kinda cried a little inside :lol: but when I went to call her the following night, she seemed mad and frustrated with my "FAILURE" of an attempt and now doesn't see that I fit her "Criteria" but I know I can easily fit that, but seems I'm confused of where to start, and how far I should take it.

[Misty.]

why dont u just talk her into it..??
tell her..u like her so much so that u could actualy be whatever she wants u to be(in terms of sexual stuff as well...considering she can set the limit..)n u can actualy tell why u failed in ur first attempt(becoz u dint want her to get offeneded or hurt :) as u care for her a lot )

i guess talking should do :)
hope this helps :)

[Renderman]

I've talked to her about it, but it seems she doesn't want to give somewhat permission, she just wants things straight forward, and wants to feel dominated, more ways than one, sexually and in the relationship.

[Sapphire]

You need to talk with her more about it. Find out what you both like and don't like so that you can be sure that you both enjoy your experiences together. You also need to agree on some safety words/phrases. That way, when you are getting sexual, she can communicate with you when to stop in a clear way that you both understand.

[trn19]

Well, you just shouldn't do anything you're not comfortable with or don't like doing. Who cares what she says or thinks. If she can't appreciate and accept you the way you are, and just doesn't see that you like to respect people, well, too bad for her. In my opinion you shouldn't listen to her when she tells you how you should be and behave.

[Art_dude]

Nothing against people who are into 'dominate' or hardcore sex (hey all the power to ya) but if she is honestly bothered by your 'normal' sexual approaches because they're not as dominate as how she wants, then she needs to suck it up. Never do anything you're uncomfortable with. If she's pressuring you into being a misogynistic womanizer in bed, and that goes against your own personality, then don't do it.

HOWEVER....... we don't seem to have a clear definition from her on what she views 'dominate' as. The best route is to ask her what she defines as 'dominate' and what her idyllic lover would do in bed. That way, you know how far you should go without being a jerk. To her, 'dominant' could just mean being on top - imagine how you'd feel if you acted like a pornstar in response to being 'dominate'. To avoid that potentially threatening situation ask in detail what is dominate and what SHE wants.

[Renderman]

I guess you could say I am a little uncomfortable with it.. I appreciate everyone's feedback, I'll put it to good use. But her definition of dominate, from what she told me, was to throw her on the bed, and have my way with her.. I don't know what to do or say to that lmao.

[Sapphire]

It sounds like she just wants you to be assertive tbh.
But you two have to talk more about it to ensure you both understand what each other likes and wants and what each of you are prepared to do. There's no point forcing yourself to act a certain way if you don't like it and there's no point in you acting a certain way to please her if you don't know what it is that she actually wants.