Lost my nerve.

[1_21Guns]

I don't believe this. I ment to just forget about it. Not even post about it, act like nothing ever happened, but two nights ago I cut again. And probably the most i've done in one go in a long time, 4 on the top of my arm, but they're small and can be mistaken for a cat scratch, then theres the 8/9 on the underside of my forearm/wrist, which are very shallow, but visable. I have a dance presentation next saturday. What the hell was I thinking. 21 days before Christmas. I want to do it again though. I knew this would happen. Back at square one... again. I went swimming tonight, and they didn't get seen. By some miracle probably because i'm still good at hiding them. I'm not even close to being strong enough to stop now. All my strength is going to helping my mum and the rest of my family get through the happy families lie that will be this years Christmas. I can't take not having the release anymore, I want to write that I need it, but I know I only want it. It does nothing for me, it doesn't even hurt me anymore, theres no release. But the blade I use never will be as good as the first. So why bother? I'm too tired to hold on now guys, seriously, I need to stop fighting for a while. I don't want to, but i'll have to.

[Under.]

What you have to ask yourself is, is it really worth the risk of doing serious damage

you turn 16 soon, college, UNI what ever you want to do

you can leave your house and get out of the boring S**t heap we call whitworth

life is to short natalie its too chart to risk it all over the family you live with, mine sucks tbh all my mum does is shout and scream at her boyfriend because she cant trust him. hes done nothing wrong but she just likes to think he has, dont cut its really not worth it.

have you got any elastic bands?

put one on your wrist and if you feel the need to cut, ping it how ever many times you want

[1_21Guns]

What you have to ask yourself is, is it really worth the risk of doing serious damage

you turn 16 soon, college, UNI what ever you want to do

you can leave your house and get out of the boring S**t heap we call whitworth

life is to short natalie its too chart to risk it all over the family you live with, mine sucks tbh all my mum does is shout and scream at her boyfriend because she cant trust him. hes done nothing wrong but she just likes to think he has, dont cut its really not worth it.

have you got any elastic bands?

put one on your wrist and if you feel the need to cut, ping it how ever many times you want

thanks sam, just realised how much of a hypocrit i actually am. seeing as like 3 weeks ago i was saying to people 'is 5 minutes of freedom worth a lifetime of scars'. when will i ever listen to myself XD
yeah you're right. thats been my plan all along. leaving here as soon as I can.
hm. sounds like my auntie and uncle. except they just scream at eachother for no actual reason, they just make the reasons up as they go along.
and i've tried that. i was doing that ALL summer. me being me I kept forgetting I had one on, and when it got to the time I usually cut. the blade was far more comforting than an elastic band...

[Amyxoxo]

Why dont you play along with the happy familys lie. If it dosnt make you feel better then it might someone.
It donsnt hurt anymore because you have been doing it for so long, you pain resistance is up you still get the stupid little release that your looking for.
You dont have to, you want to. You have to stay stong. Wait untill your dance thing, see how you feel after that. It will be really obvious if you do it and you can see them in that. So, no one saw tonight but what if they did, what would have happened, what would you have to go through again???
~Take care :) xxx

[Asylum]

listen to your own advice. don't cut. like you said is 5 minutes of relief worth a lifetime of scars? Is family really worth cutting yourslef over. You'll leave them soon. You don't need to. Look up what i wrote in how to stop the urge. it may help you. If you honestly need to hurt... i lso have stuff there that can help you. go call a friend. maybe it will cheer you up. Please don't cut. PM me anytime :)