I can't stop feeling like this..

[Outofc]

Ugh. I don't like ranting to random people, but a random forum is the only place I can turn right now.
I've been having depression for a while now. And you know what? I'm not even sure what caused it. I just feel so..horrible. I probably have the lowest-self esteem ever. I'm always putting myself down, and I truly have convinced myself I am useless. I have no damn point. It seems that everything I do ends up being screwed up. I can never follow directions correctly. I always, and I mean always say the stupidest things which I wish I could take back. For a month or two, I actually thought I could beat my depression. That I was finally getting out of it. Yeah right. I don't care how many times this has been used and labeled "emo", I hate myself. I really just despise who I am. I can't stand me. I honestly wouldn't care if I died right now and I'm starting to think suicide is the best choice. I'm not looking for a pity party. I'm sure a ton of people here have it a lot worse then me. But I just can't stop feeling so useless and horrible. I'm a failure. I never live up to expectations. I'm not what my parents want me to be. I'm always, and I mean always put down by my brother. Please don't say "lol that's your brother's job" I don't really give a hell what he's supposed to do. It still hurts and it still really makes my self esteem decrease more. I bet that responses will be "talk to a therapist, talk to your parents" all that stuff. I don't have any friends or family that I trust enough to talk to. And what the hell do I say to a therapist? He's a random stranger. That would be even worse. I can't trust anyone. I'm overweight and I get ridiculed for it a lot. That's my fault, but I can never lose it. I'm just a failure. It's that simple. I can't do anything right and I feel like the world is better off without me. I need help, but I have no idea how to get it. God, I'm just so sick..

[nick]

If you get the opportunity of a therapist then take it, he or she wouldnt be a random stranger, they would be a trained professional more like talking to your doctor. Just bottling it all up clearly hasnt worked for you, so you must find someone to talk to. PM me if you want, I'm good at listening.

[Appleton]

Hey Matthew. I know for a fact that what Nick said about a therapist is true. When I first started going three years ago I didn't want to but pretty soon I was able to trust him and open up and express myself and talk about issues I was having. I know about the suicide thoughts as well. I still struggle with them constantly but I've learned through counseling and friends how to deal with those urges or feelings.

I can't tell you that it's going to be easy. It's not easy for me. I just hope you don't take the easy way out. I don't know you and we've never talked but suicide and attempts at it are very personal to me.

If you wanna talk send me a pm. I'm just a stranger to you but I can listen. My chat stuff is on my contacts tab. Hope you'll take a chance with a therapist and with some of the good guys here.

[Dead_User]

Ugh. I don't like ranting to random people, but a random forum is the only place I can turn right now.
I've been having depression for a while now. And you know what? I'm not even sure what caused it. I just feel so..horrible. I probably have the lowest-self esteem ever. I'm always putting myself down, and I truly have convinced myself I am useless. I have no damn point. It seems that everything I do ends up being screwed up. I can never follow directions correctly. I always, and I mean always say the stupidest things which I wish I could take back. For a month or two, I actually thought I could beat my depression. That I was finally getting out of it. Yeah right. I don't care how many times this has been used and labeled "emo", I hate myself. I really just despise who I am. I can't stand me. I honestly wouldn't care if I died right now and I'm starting to think suicide is the best choice. I'm not looking for a pity party. I'm sure a ton of people here have it a lot worse then me. But I just can't stop feeling so useless and horrible. I'm a failure. I never live up to expectations. I'm not what my parents want me to be. I'm always, and I mean always put down by my brother. Please don't say "lol that's your brother's job" I don't really give a hell what he's supposed to do. It still hurts and it still really makes my self esteem decrease more. I bet that responses will be "talk to a therapist, talk to your parents" all that stuff. I don't have any friends or family that I trust enough to talk to. And what the hell do I say to a therapist? He's a random stranger. That would be even worse. I can't trust anyone. I'm overweight and I get ridiculed for it a lot. That's my fault, but I can never lose it. I'm just a failure. It's that simple. I can't do anything right and I feel like the world is better off without me. I need help, but I have no idea how to get it. God, I'm just so sick..

Dude, you need to talk to someone...and, I'm not trying to be an ass or anything, but just try to do something about it. And if you feel like you want to raise your self-esteem a bit, you can starty with yourself. Make a list of things you can improve. Take it from me. You said that you're overweight. I used to be obsese, until I turned 12. I knew I had to do something about it. Now I have my body just the way I want it, and the thing keeping me like this is the thought that if I stop doing what I am, I'd go back to how I was. Prioritize, too. If you feel like you need to talk to someone, befriend people at school, but you need to psyche yourself up for it. If you wanna talk about it, I'm here, dude. I know I'm also a random stranger, but you never know how one person can really boost something in your life :yes: