Are my song lyrics decent?

[kaz009]

tell me what you think(: really need your feedback thankies (: this is for a rock band btw (:

Unforgiven

when we used to meet
you made me lose control
but i don't see
the things you done to me
i'm silenced at the thought
that you got caught

your lies your guilt
the way you treated me
it felt so right
to be with you all night
you hurt me
this was not ment to be

chorus
Perfection, perfecton, perfection
all you get is rejection
i'm never gunna get you back
you're unforgiven

this wasn't a fairytale
this pain is unexplainable
i won't forget
how you hurt me
things don't last
this is my past

you used to love me
how could you do this
my heart may break
one small kiss
i can take control
did you do this

Perfection, perfecton, perfection
all you get is rejection
i'm never gunna get you back
you're unforgiven

no ones perfect
get on with life
theres no effect
your the lowlife
you just need trust
we've faded to dust

pathetic love, no love for you
cursing life, just all this pain
is because of you

Perfection, perfecton, perfection
all you get is rejection
i'm never gunna get you back
you're unforgiven

[ZzKingz]

i think its good. It also depends on the sub-genre (if its rock, what kind of rock is is?)

[JohnnyOctane]

Take this in a positive light, but if you writing poetry it would be amazing, but lyrics have to stick in peoples minds, or your tunes wont sell:
You used ABA format, this is the standard for lyrics but out of personal experince i find that ABCAAB Format is the one that people remember the most,
Also chorus is the most important part, not to go over four bars and to be repeptative, this sounds like information for pop music, which it has been the standard for a long time, but if you want to make it in this industry you need to take your basic raw ideas and modify them for everyone else.

Aside from that, it was pretty good.

[Hatsune Miku]

Depends. What kind of rock? And how is it sung? Like at what speed?

[kaz009]

Took metallica's unforgiven lyrics

New blood joins this earth
And quickly he's subdued
Through constant pained disgrace
The young boy learns their rules

With time the child draws in
This whipping boy done wrong
Deprived of all his thoughts
The young man struggles on and on he's known
A vow unto his own
That never from this day
His will they'll take away-eay

Chorus:

What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never be
Never see
Won't see what might have been
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub thee UNFORGIVEN

They dedicate their lives
To RUNNING all of his
He tries to please THEM all
This bitter man he is
Throughout his life the same
He's battled constantly
This fight he cannot win
A tired man they see no longer cares
The old man then prepares
To die regretfully
That old man here is me

What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never be
Never see
Won't see what might have been
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub thee UNFORGIVEN

(instrumental)

What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never be
Never see
Won't see what might have been
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub thee UNFORGIVEN

whoa, whoa

Never Free
Never Me
So I dub thee UNFORGIVEN
You labeled me
I'll label you
So I dub thee UNFORGIVEN
Never Free
Never Me
So I dub thee UNFORGIVEN
You labeled me
I'll label you
So I dub thee UNFORGIVEN
Never Free
Never Me
So I dub thee UNFORGIVEN
yours isn't as good as metallicas unforgiven, but it doesn't amtch either the way I read both lyrics the same.



I didnt even know about that song lol. i wrote it because of my hate of my ex bf. lol! how weird!! :D

[Angster]

Sounds like those generic catchy bands, ya know? Catchy, not amazing, but catchy and therefor will get attention from many fans that don't know real music.

But hey, you never know, prove me wrong.

[Raoul Duke]

Sounds like a song for Paramore to me.

[flawed perfection.]

I really like it. :D

[1_21Guns]

Great lyrics, but you need to make sure the music matches the lyrics, if it doesn't your kinda screwed. But yeah, depending on the sub-genre etc, that will make a pretty awesome song :D