Dating?!? What does that even mean???

[renie]

I'm writing this mainly because I feel utterly depressed with my relationship status. Yup, I'm single, and that's the way it has always been! :what: I'm 17 and still can't find someone who likes me back. Some friends of mine suggest (when they see me depressed) : "Look, why dont you try with this guy?" And usually point someone who is completely not my type just because he shows a slight interest. The problem is that the only guys that show interest are exactly those I don't feel attracted to and I kinda feel obliged not to hurt them(I have even been considering dating one of them just because I didn't want to hurt his feelings ... luckily, I didn't make this mistake) . No hard feelings, but I can't see the point lying myself and the other person just because of nobility . I have a major problem with the guys I like - I start acting strangely which I believe is a sort of defence mechanism and end up all alone. Some people will tell me: You first have to find yourself and then start looking for The One!" but I simply can't ! I don't know how to act, that is, how to communicate with different people (and each individual requires a special approach); I don't know what is the real me : is it stubborn, or too shy, or open-hearted, or conceited?! wtf I have noo ideaa and still feel very miserable because on top of all my problems, I don't feel the love I need to feel. I doubt that someone will be interested in such a post, but it doesn't matter, I felt the strong need to write this ... Still, feel free to post comments :(

P.S. sorry if i've made any mistakes. I'm from a non-english speaking country ...

[Jean Poutine]

I'm 19 and always have been single.

It's just the way it is for certain people.

Suck it up princess it'll come eventually.

[WonderChild]

im 13 only had a relationship about 8 months ago.. it didnt work. I would say just agree with uchimata and wait till it comes. That is what I am starting to do. I would say stick to what uchimata said.

[renie]

first, to uchimata: I don't feel like princess or sth, I simply don't see anything wrong in wanting to be happy and to feel loved!
to WonderChild : sorry to say this, but the age difference between a 13- and a 17-year-old is enormous in terms of both physical and mental development! I don't think that the two cases can be equally compared. Plus, you've already had a bf (I feel happy for you), but I've never had ONE. You can see for yourself what a great difference there is between us. Anyway, thank you for trying to help me!
=)

[Art_dude]

"I have a major problem with the guys I like - I start acting strangely which I believe is a sort of defence mechanism and end up all alone."

Can you go into more depth here by what you mean by "acting strangely"? A lot of times this is simply out of nervousness. However if you feel this 'acting strange' is what is responsible for ending up alone, you need to explore that. Some girls for example, use arrogance or intellectualization as a defense mechanism as to prove their intellectual worth or superiority in the hopes of 'proving themselves'. However it ends up backfiring. Identifying your defense mechanisms is important - then you can try to stop it.

Some people will tell me: You first have to find yourself and then start looking for The One!" but I simply can't ! I don't know how to act, that is, how to communicate with different people (and each individual requires a special approach); I don't know what is the real me : is it stubborn, or too shy, or open-hearted, or conceited?!"

Finding your true self is (in my opinion) a load of bull. You don't 'find' yourself. You make yourself. And you don't have to know yourself with 100% Certainty or honesty to be in a relationship. In fact, being in a relationship will only help you find out who you are, your likes and dislikes etc. Very very very few people ever get to the point of fully knowing themselves. Don't act how you think you should, act how you normally would. Just try being nice and see how it goes.

[2D]

Well luckily you have missed the pointless high school dating thing. (Or most of it) Just be yourself. I know it's cliche but you will only want to go out with someone who likes you for who you are. Just hang in there. You'll find someone soon enough.

[renie]

Thank you guys!
to Motormouth : well, I'm still in high school! :D In my country we attend school till the age of 18 (or 19, if you're born in the first part of the year) ! :( But I agree with you that a lot of the dating during high school is pointless and I'm looking for something meaningful! I just.. feel kinda mature :D though I'm probably worng ;dd
to Art_dude : Eeeeexactly!"Some girls for example, use arrogance or intellectualization as a defense mechanism as to prove their intellectual worth or superiority in the hopes of 'proving themselves'. However it ends up backfiring." This is very typical of me :\ And sometimes I'm pretending to be something that I'm not (when I act like a social butterfly, duh.. )... But isn't this a part of making yourself, if there is no such thing as finding yourself? Anyway, I agree with you that being in a relationship can help you identify your own traits ... Well, my nervousness is a great setback, because I'm like non stop smiling without any reason .. even if we're talking on serious or even tragic topics it just happens .. so now my goal is to change this and maybe then I'll find someone. =)

P.S. Guess today I'm in an optimistic mood. ;D

[Art_dude]

"And sometimes I'm pretending to be something that I'm not (when I act like a social butterfly, duh.. )... But isn't this a part of making yourself, if there is no such thing as finding yourself?"

By associating with popularity you convince yourself of your status in the social caste system of highschool, thus showing your worth in the dating arena. I have no idea how THAT has ANYTHING to do with making yourself. It may have to do with creating a FALSE sense of self, but it is by no means a way of piecing together your own personality. I think you misunderstood me when I made the comment about 'making yourself instead of finding yourself'. What I meant was, that you should try not to be concerned with finding yourself so much as you are. In fact, 'making yourself' in the wrong context can be mentally insane: piecing together a personality that suits your desires. My advice is to act how you 'normally' act. Just try and correct your defense mechanisms.

[ILOVEYOU]

"Suck it up princess it'll come eventually."
i completely do agree with that. even tho i've found my life love, but have lost her.. i should be depressed, I AM, but.. what can i do.. i cant get out and search the whole world for her.. i'll find her when i should.