Possibly Outed At School ~ For The Love Of God HELP!!!! Plz!

[The Harlequin]

Basically me and my bf have been going out in secret for about three/four months now, we've come close to being caught a few times at his house but it's all been cool.

It was his birthday exactly a month ago today and a group of his mates and me (I'm quite good mates with them) went to his house for a piss up. Long and short of it is I had a drunken debate with one of his friends whose a bit of a homophobe but a nice guy, and don't ask me why (I was drunk) I basically told him I was bi.

He then told a girl at my school, who has kept her mouth shut until this afternoon when she told the gossipy-type friends of hers, so now there are rumours floating around school.

I'm a fairly public figure, I know people all across the school ~ what the hell am I gonna do now? Should I just admit it when I'm asked? Should I deny it? I mean it's quite a shock to some people as I'm not camp at all...

Please help, I don't know what to do here, and I know some of you guys/girls are open about it in school so could you give me some advice? Thank you in advance.

[nick]

I'm not out at school, so don't speak from direct experience. But it seems to me that if the story is out there, and lets face it it came from you, its probably not going to help to deny it now. Your best option is probably to come clean about it now and show that you're not ashamed of it.

[Appleton]

I agree with Nick. I'm not out at school except to a very few close friends. But if someone where to ask me I don't think I'd deny it. It's me and who I am and the longer it's been since I came out the more comfortable I am with me.

I do have a question about what you said. "quite a shock to some people as I'm not camp at all..."

What the hell does that have to do with it? Do you have to act camp to be gay or bi? I'm gay but you'd never know it. I don't remember reading that as one of the requirements in the rule book....

[The Batman]

It depends on how comfortable with your sexuality you are.

If you think that you can handle officially coming out at school and also take on the good and bad side of that happening then go for it. However if you are not ready yet then either tell them no or say it's none of their business.

[TheKingDavis]

Dont feel the pressure to admit it until your ready, I admit it if someone asks, but thats about it

[Stewart]

I had a similar experience. I hated that everyone knew at first, but now, I'm yesterday's news. Nobody cares anymore. If it comes up, I say I am, but I show that I'm proud of it and they won't bother me.

[AllThatIsLeft]

If you can handle it, meaning: Gossip, Dissing, and possible aggressiveness, I don't see why it's much of a horrible thing.

I mean what i listed above IS bad, but it all comes down if you can deal with it. Keep in mind that you will be out at some point in your life, and wherever you are, the same consequences will be there.

they real question is, are you ready?

[Fourth Dimension]

i wasnt completely open at school only my friends knew

[Giles]

I agree with Nick. I'm not out at school except to a very few close friends. But if someone where to ask me I don't think I'd deny it. It's me and who I am and the longer it's been since I came out the more comfortable I am with me.

I do have a question about what you said. "quite a shock to some people as I'm not camp at all..."

What the hell does that have to do with it? Do you have to act camp to be gay or bi? I'm gay but you'd never know it. I don't remember reading that as one of the requirements in the rule book....
I think he just meant that people had no idea at all that he could possibly be gay/bi.

OP: If asked I would just admit it, denying it now would just be pointless.
As long as your ready for a little bit of harassment for a few weeks, then just come out to anyone that asks.

[lengthy_brochure]

Happened to me...

Just go with the flow... Soon, no one will care and your true friends will still be with you.

[obiwan94]

Coming out is your choice, I wouldnt deny it but if people asked I would just tell them that it is none of their business who I'm with. I know a couple of friends who are completely out and they said it was tough at first but not as bad as they thought it would be and now they feel a lot better about it because they dont have to live up to other peoples expectations and stuff like pretending to like girls.

[thepieman]

I agree that denying it would cause more bad than good. If some people know and some don't, people get confused and the gossip gets worse. A similar thing happened to me, and now that I'm open about it, I feel much better. It was a bit bad at first, everyone asking questions, the odd joke - but now it's old news. As long as you are comfortable to do it, be open with it.

[The Harlequin]

Okay, thanks guys, there has been loads of that God-awful whispering-behind-backs thing which has pissed me off a bit, but people aren't treating me any differently which is nice, tbh I dunno if it's gonna stay like that for long, but from what you guys are saying it won't last forever, and that it'll be worth it, right?

Plus ~ apologies, whoever I enraged up there ^ I only meant that gossip is something which feeds off a shock-effect. If someone's camp everyone (wrongly) assumes that they're gay, spreading rumours about that isn't impressive, getting dirt on me (being somebody who's not afraid of making enemies) appears more "valuable". I didn't mean any offense by the comment.

[Giles]

Keep us updates if/as things change.

[Johnny_John]

The same thing happened to me (without being drunk or in a debate) someone i knew caught me saying i was bi and it spread like butter from a knife. I kept denying, some keep on about it even after months after the damage had been done. all i know is, It's hard to cope with, but talk to your friends. if they're the same, then you have a benefit since then you're urges can be talked about, and seemed alright.
It's hard, but people close to you can always help. =)

[staying_alive]

Well you were drunk. That's a good enough excuse already. If you haven't mentioned that yet, just tell them that you have no memory of the event. The rumors will go away eventually if you just deny it and stop getting in drunken debates!

However, if you're comfortable enough with the situation (which it doesn't sound like) then you could just acknowledge it. I think the rumors would stay around longer if you acknowledged it, because it'd give people more to talk about.

Final verdict: deny it, and use the fact that you were drunk as an excuse for not remembering saying anything.

[Obscene Eyedeas]

:locked: please do not bump old threads