ErykaInspire.
November 28th, 2009, 04:33 PM
I don't like how it turned out but i guess that's what you guys are for, Please tell me your honest opinion.
I tried to go for a visual, then I started doing something else, and by the time I came back to this poem, I went with a different feel.
Stepping outside,
the cold night air
wraps around me
tangling in my hair
The light frost crunches
beneath my weary feet
The moon glows above me
adding to the lack of heat
I sigh a cloud of air
As a single crystal tear drop
freezes on my flushed cheeks,
My crying just won't stop.
The sidewalk is broken
and the gardens are all dead
I make pointless observations
letting the air clear my head
I tighten my coat around me
as a cold gust of air goes by
A shiver runs down my spine
and I continue to cry
The stars are barely visible
behind the dark thick haze
Yet the moon bares down on me
With it's yellow gaze.
Shadows slowly shift beside me
and the street lights start to dim
I walk up his front steps
I realize that I need him.
I glance into the window
and the sight breaks my heart.
They're dancing in his living room,
In step with every part.
I lower my clenched hand
from his closed door
I let my coat fall open,
he doesn't love me anymore.
The cold passes through me
like a million tiny daggers
My heart is only my own
and his will always be hers.
I'm sitting on his steps
and he opens the door
I'm crying like a fool
I never wanted anything more.
I whisper my last goodbye
stand, and walk away
I asked you not to go
What else could I say?
So as the cold sets in
I walk away from you
What good is a closed door
when you'll never get through?
I tried to go for a visual, then I started doing something else, and by the time I came back to this poem, I went with a different feel.
Stepping outside,
the cold night air
wraps around me
tangling in my hair
The light frost crunches
beneath my weary feet
The moon glows above me
adding to the lack of heat
I sigh a cloud of air
As a single crystal tear drop
freezes on my flushed cheeks,
My crying just won't stop.
The sidewalk is broken
and the gardens are all dead
I make pointless observations
letting the air clear my head
I tighten my coat around me
as a cold gust of air goes by
A shiver runs down my spine
and I continue to cry
The stars are barely visible
behind the dark thick haze
Yet the moon bares down on me
With it's yellow gaze.
Shadows slowly shift beside me
and the street lights start to dim
I walk up his front steps
I realize that I need him.
I glance into the window
and the sight breaks my heart.
They're dancing in his living room,
In step with every part.
I lower my clenched hand
from his closed door
I let my coat fall open,
he doesn't love me anymore.
The cold passes through me
like a million tiny daggers
My heart is only my own
and his will always be hers.
I'm sitting on his steps
and he opens the door
I'm crying like a fool
I never wanted anything more.
I whisper my last goodbye
stand, and walk away
I asked you not to go
What else could I say?
So as the cold sets in
I walk away from you
What good is a closed door
when you'll never get through?