How can this be?

[chelsay13]

I feel bad...
bad that they don't know i've slipped 5 times since I quit therapy,
bad that i hurt them without them even knowing,
bad they don't see that I'm hurt,
bad that i go to class everyday either happy or sad, and when I'm sad I lie and say I have a headache.
bad that I can't even talk to them about the simplest things, and I don't know why.
pretty much bad in general.
Im hiding. I'm lying.

I'm finding my way around my promise that i made to soo many people that i'd stop cutting. In fact, I scratch myself with things so i bleed, but i don't consider it cutting since i don't use a razor [i know, still self-harm, I just don't fel guilty for it]. Last time i took a nail file and filed a spot on my wrist and directly lied to my friends saying i scraped it on my backpack...they trusted me and said "okay".

Idk why I'm doing it at all. I have straight A's, I have plenty of amazingly close friends, I have both parents and a sister in the same house, I have a small, but close knit school, and I'm don't enjoy being alone. Idk if it's the fact that it feels good, i like blood, or i just like seeing them on my arm. I don't get that adrenaline flow other appear to get...I'm not sure.. Why am I harming still?:confused:

This was a rant, I'm sorry.

[luciia96]

it's obviously that therapy didn't work at all... well... I think you shouldn't hide it to your friends nd family bcause they can help you stopping harming... If you hide it... you won't stop.

And I think you should talk about your feelings, cuz if you keep them bottled inside of you, it feels worse... tell your family, you should go on therapy again. PM me if you want!

Kiss! :)

[Amyxoxo]

As lucia said you are keeping your feelings all up inside you. You need to let everything out. Can you speak to a friend who is trusting and caring and will support you. It is so natural that you feel so guilty when you relapse.
You are still self harming because you sont want to give it up. For the therpy to work you need to have your heart set on stopping.
Good luck :) x

[1_21Guns]

Chelsea, you're not alone. That how I felt when I was cutting and lieing to everyone, sure I had reason, but no reason is ever good enough to cause harm to yourself. I'm not even supposed to be on here, I said I was coming off because too many of my friends were on here, but as I was noseying around while not logged in, your post caught my eye.
Sometimes people do things without any explanation. Maybe your just not ready to give it up, its just a routine of something you've gotten into and its hard to let go. You might not get any enjoyment out of it. But its what your used to. Also, as Lucia and Amy said above me, you shouldn't keep things bottled up. Thats probably half the reason you can't stop. Oh. And don't appologise for ranting, last time I checked, thats why this forums here. Find someone you can really trust. A friend, family, teacher. Anyone. Sure it might feel like they'll dissown you and think ewghh. emo. or something silly. Not everyone does that. you'd be suprised.
Stay strong. (:

[chelsay13]

Thanks Everyone!
I know it's bad to bottle things up, but last year i told my friends everything and i stressed them out... it's hard to explain.
Natalie, thanks :) You are soo right. btw, I like your signature ;)

[1_21Guns]

Thanks Everyone!
I know it's bad to bottle things up, but last year i told my friends everything and i stressed them out... it's hard to explain.
Natalie, thanks :) You are soo right. btw, I like your signature ;)

I know what you mean. I did the exact same thing. Kinda puts you off saying anything to anyone just incase tbh....
and thanks :) oh, and your welcome XD

[Teardrop Harmony]

hey i think that it is great you are coming on here and getting feedback, and well done, i spose i see that you have admitted to yourself and asked for help from people you don't know so they can't judge you as a person, i am a self harmer and i have been for over a year, but this isnt about me i think that you shjould tell one person someone that you trust and tell them everything that is going around in your head all that is worryijng you and then tell more people as you start to relax, i know how horrid it is to feel like you have made everyone worried, but stay strong, be free and trust yourself x