Sick of this now.

[Discomposure]

It was only recently I posted about how I was finding going to my psychologist not bad anymore, I didn't mind it. How things were looking up. Now, thats the last thing on my mind.

It's strange how things can change so quickly...

Everything seems like it's at it's worst! These past 2 weeks have just taken it out of me, now all I want to do is cut, soo much.
I'm sick of my family, worrying about me. Of course they're going to, but I just feel so much guilt because of the worry i'm putting upon them. All they ever say, "Are you eating properly, you've lost lot's of weight" Yeah I know I have, and I love it.
None of my school work is good. It's all shit. All below the grades I should be achieving. I feel so thick, all the time.
The relationship with my Mum, has just gotten worse ... Probably my own doing, but I'm caring less and less each time, and that, I don't like.
I don't want to go to my psychologist anymore, as they sent a letter addressed to me and my Mum saying most things that I had told them, in confidence. I thought they couldn't do that but, they did.
I'm worried about my Mum too, obviously she's emotional afer her and my dads break up, but she's turned all wierd. She keeps going to see psychics and clairevoyents because she seems to think it will help her move on, but she always comes back from seeing them upset, because
"they said he's going to cause lots of trouble"
or
"somethings going to happen, and i'm not going to like it"
.STOP GOING TO SEE THEM, GRR. All they do is tell her things like, find out this and that about him, hows that going to help move on?
Anyway, the last one she went to see said that her daughter, (me) has picked up some kind of negative spirit and he needs to see me.
WTF, I don't believe in all that shit, I think yeah sometimes they can be right and it's weird how they are but I just thought they had ways of doing cold readings. My mum seriously believes all this and thinks this guy can "heal" me, by speaking with me and cleansing my something to free the negative spirit or energy, idk. But I know I have to, or she will fall out with me...

My minds just so messed up recently, over certian things.

I did want to speak to my psychologist, because I badly need some advice, from a professional, that can help me.
Just, since recieving that letter, It's put me off so much. Fuck that.

The depressions really getting to me, really bad. I don't want to do anything anymore. I see the negative in everything, and I know it's me that sees the negative so I should try be positive or whatever. I just don't see the point anymore. I'm sick of crying, all the time. I drank vodka before school on Friday morning to lift my mood up, and I took it in with me and drank it in school, to make myself feel better. It worked, but this is something I will NOT make a habit of, no way.

This isn't a " Oh my god, my lifes so shit i'm going to kill myself thread " but suicide seems so good at the moment, seems like the easiest way to stop all this. Everyday now, i'm thinking about killing myself, I know it's not good but it's just what i'm thinking. I have thought about it before, but this time it feels like I really do WANT to do it.

To be honest, I really don't know what I can do.
Even with the cutting, I cut deeper than before, because it doesn't make me feel as good anymore, without going a bit deeper.

[Amyxoxo]

Well first of all, if everything is at the worst then it can only get better!
As you have said of corse you family are naturally worried about you. Ask them to leave you alone, tell them you are over that thing. Let them back off when they feel that they can truse you again.
I didnt think that they were allowed to do that. You should go back to see them, ask them why they done it. Tell them not to do it again! If they say something good or they do it again, go and see someone else that can help you.
Your mum is obviousily finding it hard to help you and herself atm. If she thinks that going to see a psycologicst then let her. She thinks that it will make her feel better, you cant decide who she goes and see's but if you are feeling really worried can you talk to an auntie or uncle how could have a word with you mum for you?
Vodka (tut tut, please dont make that a habbit, it will be exactally like the self harming!) This gave you the release and made you feel better, you need to find something that isnt harmful and dangerous that gives you the same feeling, not an easy way to decide, trial and error really.
Sucide isnt the answer for anything, things will get better you have to give it more time.
Take care and good luck :) xx

[Discomposure]

Well first of all, if everything is at the worst then it can only get better!
As you have said of corse you family are naturally worried about you. Ask them to leave you alone, tell them you are over that thing. Let them back off when they feel that they can truse you again.
I didnt think that they were allowed to do that. You should go back to see them, ask them why they done it. Tell them not to do it again! If they say something good or they do it again, go and see someone else that can help you.
Your mum is obviousily finding it hard to help you and herself atm. If she thinks that going to see a psycologicst then let her. She thinks that it will make her feel better, you cant decide who she goes and see's but if you are feeling really worried can you talk to an auntie or uncle how could have a word with you mum for you?
Vodka (tut tut, please dont make that a habbit, it will be exactally like the self harming!) This gave you the release and made you feel better, you need to find something that isnt harmful and dangerous that gives you the same feeling, not an easy way to decide, trial and error really.
Sucide isnt the answer for anything, things will get better you have to give it more time.
Take care and good luck :) xx

Yeah, I know. Your right.

And btw, she sees psychics not psychologists, they give her like psychic readings etc...
They do not know what they're doing.

Thanks for the reply btw x

[Amyxoxo]

Oh...lol, sorry. Um...mabie that is what she finds comfort in??
:) xx

[Beautiful Obsession]

Awwh I just wish this would all go away for you.. but it will get better babee, like you say to me, it has to get worse before it gets better! and it will start to get better babee, but that wont happen if you go and commit suicide! and your family are just worried about you, which is why they keep bringing up the fact your losing weight. and i knoww your dead concious about talking to your psychologist now after they sent you that letter, but you need to tell her bout whats going on in your mind, shes the only one that can help you as its her job. she knows whats she on about and is there to make you feel better, but she cant do that if your keeping things bottled up, i know it will be hard to tell her what your feeling but its really important you do:)
and your mum is worried, and maybee just go to the phychic onceee just to put ur mums mind at peace? i knoww you dont believe in it but it could get your mum off your back for a while?

As for the self-harming, keep going to these meetings, they might not be seeming to work now, but in the end it will pay off. i know its going to be hard but you've got alot of people supporting you and helping youu babee..

Just pleasee dont do anything stupidd by commit suicidee. its really not the optionn!!!

Hopee yourr okayy babeee ; xxxx